


His Luminous Lover

by AishiteruDango



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: All of them is probably OOC, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eren Yeager Has Heterochromia Iridum, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Heterochromia, Humor, Levi is definitely OOC, M/M, OOC, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Seme Eren Yeager, Slow Build, Uke Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AishiteruDango/pseuds/AishiteruDango
Summary: [Warning: This story has not been edited, proofread or beta'ed. I apologize for any grammatical errors]
 Levi Ackerman (a 15 year old male student at Shiganshina High) has a crush on Eren Jaeger who is the prepossessing and popular male brunette in that school.With the help of his loving parent Hange and his best friend Isabel, Levi prospers to advance through all the obstacles to get to him. Whether it's to find out what underwear he was wearing so they could be partnered up for an art project or standing up against bullies that would do anything to keep them apart.Levi would keep chasing after him, holding Eren's words close to his heart from their destined meeting. He knew that someone who could create a tranquil atmosphere with just a luminous captivating smile is someone he should never let go of.Levi would do anything to have the chance to bask in those multi-colored eyes of his even with the constant reminder of his forlorn past.「Ereri High School AU」





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read~!  
> Delicious Ereri treats are served for the journey ahead.  
> +a box of tissue (or more) for the tears you're gonna shed along the way.  
> Enjoy~?  
> [And the Ereri art on the cover I made for this fic belongs to @Nori HT (Pixiv)]
> 
> -Dango

The amount of times that I shifted in this small space—that barely fitted the both us—was sure to gain attention if I don't cease it soon.

"How many times have you asked me that question?", Isabel glared at me.

"I'm just a little paranoid, that's all", I pouted.

"Yeah I can tell", she fixed her gaze on my trembling legs.

"Shut up. I think someone's coming".

As a matter of fact I was right.  A brunette and his horse-faced friend made their way to said lockers—which in our case, is right in front of us. I couldn't care less about the two-toned haired horse. My eyes were only locked on Eren. I could tell by the way my head is moving down slowly that I'm mesmerized by the scene laid out in front of me.

The pace of my beating heart increased as my eyes trail down his body starting from his hair—that looks soft to touch—to his neck, his well-toned back, his _god sent ass_ , his sculpted calves and all his perfections. It was a shame that I could only see Eren's back from here but this exceptional view is more than enough for my sanity today. It was a miracle that I didn't get a boner or I'll probably have another awkward discussion with Isabel again.

_Speaking of the devil..._

"Please tell me you're not sporting a boner right now", Isabel leaned closer to me so she could check if there was any hidden bulge.

_Which there shouldn't be, I hope._

"No, why would I?".

"If I had a dick I would definitely sport a painful hard on but I'm a girl so good luck there", she winked teasingly.

"Fuck you", I hissed.

"Don't fuck me, fuck him", she tilted her head towards Eren. "Oh wait, you're bottom aren't you".

"Stop speaking, they're gonna hear us".

"You can't deny it!".

"God dammit, shut it!".

She was about to open her mouth to speak—probably to say something irritating again—but she was quick to silence it when she noticed the two boys (that we nearly forgotten about) turn around to face us. They couldn't actually see us because we're hiding behind these thick walls of boxes filled with sports equipment. We can see them though and it really did feel like they can see through these poor excuse of a hiding place. I duck down a little fearing that they can see me but I made sure that the peeping hole is still within my reach.

"Why did you turn around? You know that we're both boys", horse face (I mean, Jean) said.

"It's not about that. It feels like there's someone else other than us in this room", Eren replied, more observant than usual.

I can hear Isabel gasp beside me. We use to think that he owns some kind of hidden super power and I'm pretty sure this scenario just confirmed it.

"What? Do you believe in ghosts now", Jean smirked.

"Coming from someone who pussied out from last year's haunted house excursion", Eren shot back with a smirk of his own.

"I was unable to attend because I was sick okay!", Jean growled.

"Excuses, excuses", Eren shook his head but didn't strike the conversation anymore.

Eren began to lean down to slip his pants off and I knew that this was the reason why we came here for. Not because I wanted to see him buck naked (even though I actually do), I came here to see what underwear he was wearing.

_Now that I think about it, that actually sounds extremely creepy._

Okay I'll explain how we even got into this situation in the first place. This whole scenario were planned by our art teacher Hange. Hange was a close friend of my mother and ever since the passing of my mother, I've been in Hange's care ever since. Since we practically live together, she is aware of my gay sexuality. And when I mean gay, I mean extremely homo for dicks. Not just any dicks. Just a specific one that belongs to a hot brunette.

_Shit. Why do I always go off topic when it comes to him._

Anyways, Hange told me that there will be an art project coming up for our next assessment task. It didn't bother me much at first but then they mentioned that each of us will be partnered up with someone from the class to do the project with. Of course they knew that I wanted to be partnered up with Eren  so they promised that my wish would be fulfilled, but under one condition. They told me that I would need to tell them what type and colour his underwear was by today.

Of course, knowing me, I freaked on the spot and told them how ridiculous that task is. So then they dragged Isabel in and of course Isabel would comply. Even though I didn't need her help—or maybe I do—she would still insist to come because she owes me for saving her from her bullies a year ago. We discussed our plan like we were planning on recreating the next civil war.

We even had maps and stuff with us. _This would definitely end well._

Eren was in some kind of Tracks Team—mind you, he's fucking fast on his feet—so before going to one of his track meets, he would have to get changed into a more comfortable outfit. His track meets takes place on a lunch break so there's no class for us to miss. We use this chance to sneak up on the male's changing room before he arrives to change.

Lucky for us, there were unpacked boxes from last week's sport equipment stock ups that hasn't been touched or moved yet since there weren't enough space in the school's sports garage. If it weren't for those boxes, we would have to cramp ourselves in one of those small as lockers. My locker was right next to his—this was actually also Hange's work—so if those boxes didn't exist, I would have been hiding in someone's locker. The clean freak that I am does not approve of that.

Another reason why Isabel shouldn't have come was because this is the male's changing room. She would have been in a much bigger trouble that I would be in if we were to be found out. I just hope that things will be alright.

So now we're here, staring intensely on his very move as he slip those tan, calloused fingers beneath his shirt to reveal what was under it. It felt like my eyes would pop out of it's socket with how slow his movements was. Then without hesitation he slid it off swiftly and my lungs ceased.

_Calvin Klein?!! He was wearing a black Calvin Klein underwear?!!_

I pressed my palms against my chest to calm myself and try to breathe. If I didn't then Isabel would probably call an ambulance before I could think to stop her. I didn't know what Hange wanted to do with this information but they better had partnered me up with him because I'm risking my sanity and my life for this. I should have asked question about why his underwear even mattered in the first place but I obviously didn't.

This was the one chance that I could somehow get closer to him. If anyone were given a chance to get closer to the person they love, of course they would take it. I'm not sure if I were up to that stage of loving him yet or if he's just another crush but I knew that I like him.

"I guess you're a Yandere now", Isabel giggled.

"Don't you dare label me as one of those things", I warned her.

"Things?", she tried to keep in a louder giggle.

"The more we talk, the louder we get. Just keep quiet until they leave. We already got our information", I whispered.

"Yeah alright".

I had to cover my face and look away because if I had to keep watching him change until he leaves, I would definitely sport a hard on. Isabel just kept smiling at me as I try my best to contain myself from the extraordinary sight in front of me. They finally left after what felt like hours even though it has only been 10 or 15 minutes or maybe less.

"I think they're gone", I stuttered for no fucking reason!

"You sound shook", Isabel laughed as she stood up to crack her knuckles. "Oh god, I can't feel my legs".

"How long have we been in this spot anyway?", I asked, soon realizing how stiff my legs has become.

"Too fucking long for my liking", she began to stretch herself out of our hideaway.

"Oh well. We got our information now. Let's go", I said.

As we exited the changing room, I looked back to see Isabel with a shit eating grin planted on her face.

"What's with that face?".

"I've never seen you look so happy before", she smirked.

"You, shut the fuck up", I glared.

"Oh? You're actually not denying it?".

"Keep quiet will you".

"I love how vicious your personality can be sometimes but around Eren you're the sweetest thing I've ever seen", she pointed a finger at me mockingly.

"I swear to god Isabel, if you don't shut up soon I won't let you touch my kitten for a long period of time", I threatened.

"You can't do that! Okay I'll promise to be quiet. Please don't separate me from Heichou!", she begged.

"As long as you keep quiet until this whole ordeal is done".

She nodded in agreement and never spoke until we reached Hange.

-

I slammed my hand on their desk dramatically before the next few word spewed out of me.

"Black Calvin Klein!".

"Wow~! Energetic aren't you?", Hange chuckled.

"Please tell me you did your part of the so called mission", I said.

"Of course I did! A promise is a promise!".

Hnage handed a slip of papers that assigned which student were with who. At the middle row I could see my name next to his.

"Aww you're so cute when you smile", Isabel came up next to me to poke my cheeks.

"I'm still thinking whether I'll allow you to touch Heichou or not", I glared.

"Okay! Okay! I'll stop", she pouted.

I turned the paper to see our seating plan. Eren and I were seated in the back row nearest to the window.

_Sounds like a cliché romantic Anime movie. Not that I'm complaining about anything._

I was impressed with the way things have turned out so far, well almost. As my eyes linger across the page, I grimaced over what I had to see next.  Our seats were assigned right next to the last person I ever want to have anything to do with.  It was Hitch and her bitch (well that's how me, Isabel and Hange refer to them as, it's a pretty good catchphrase).

I usually only despise a person to a certain extent but Hitch and her bitch is a completely different story.

Hitch and whatever her so called sidekick's name is are what you call the _Mean Girls_ at our school. I don't know where that term came from. I got it from Isabel because she watches those types of things for some reason. Either way you get the point.

Hitch and her bitch would do anything—literally anything—to get their way. I heard that right after they transitioned to this high school, they arranged a meeting with the principal so they could be in the same class until they graduated. Their parents were rich as fuck so you know what happened in that _'definitely soundproof'_ meeting room. I mean, the teachers were just doing their job, I guess.

Hange was truly against this bullshit but they didn't let it bother them.

Unfortunately, Hitch (except her bitch this time which is a fucking miracle, not really) has a crush on Eren. It didn't surprise me because most of the girls—and maybe some boys, including me—has a crush on Eren. I don't blame them, he's perfect after all.

Now what I was afraid of is what Hitch would do with this growing feelings of her.

_Would she force him to date her?_

I know that Eren is strong and he wouldn't stoop that low but I'm not sure how he could handle what Hitch could pull.

"I know what you're thinking", Hange sighed as they scrutinized my face. "I tried so hard to keep you as far away from them but those two are secretly Lucifer's bitch or something. Right before I was assigning seats for everyone, Hitch begged to be partnered up with Eren. Of course I told her that she couldn't always have her ways. Luckily, I'm a crazy as scientist so she's scared of me to some point so she agreed with being partnered up with her bitch and sitting in the back row too. I didn't want to deal with her bullshit so I just let her. Thank god the tables are spaced out and can only fit two person per tables. I don't think you'll be able to work with her around".

All I did was kept nodding as she finished up her sentence because there was really nothing else we could do but I guess this was good enough.

"Nonetheless, thanks Hange", I smiled.

"No worries. You should start addressing me as a parent for once", they said.

"What do I address you as? You're practically gender-less", I reminded them.

"Why not address me as _Mather_? It's a mix of mother and father!", they stated as if that wasn't obvious enough.

I rolled my eyes from having to hear yet another Hange joke. I call it a Hange joke because I don't think I could call it a mum or dad joke.

"Maybe just call me Mother or Mum. That actually sounds nice", Hange chuckled. "I'll be home a little later tonight so eat whatever is left in the fridge".

"Okay _Mum_ ", I shook my head in amusement before leaving Hange's office.

As I walked down the corridor with Isabel, I can't help but be excited about our art class.

"What's on your mind?", Isabel tilted her head.

"Nothing much. What's our last period for today?", I tried changing the subject.

She shook her head knowingly but answered anyway. "Maths".

_Ah, the worst subject to end the day._

-

Class ended surprisingly fast and I was thankful for that.

Isabel and I walked home as usual. She lived on the opposite side of me so we waved goodbye halfway towards my house. I came home and showered, changed, eat dinner, all that usual and ordinary stuff students do after school. I made my way to my room and practically threw myself onto the bed. I leaned on my side before I was greeted with a beautiful picture of my mother.

"Good night", I whispered.

I was more tired than usual today so I decided to sleep a little earlier. I thought about Eren before I sleep, I always do.

I remembered the first time we met that day in the hospital. The first time I met a person with such luminous coloured eyes. How I fell in love with them the moment my gunmetal ones locked onto it.

It was three years ago when we met Kyojin Hospital. I was 12 when my mother died of cancer. As a child, it wasn't something that I could easily just take in. I couldn't stop crying over my mother's death. Even as Isabel and Hange tried to calm me down, I kept sobbing and weeping in the hospital bed my mother lost her life on. Isabel and Hange were called to do something by one of the nurse so I was left alone with my lifeless mother in the silent room.

I kept my head down until something tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up to see a boy—probably the same age as I was—with soft brunette locks and multi colored eyes. I remembered how he told me that his mother died too from suffering the same pain that my mother had been through today. I was surprised that this random boy had to go through the same thing that I went through on the same day and with the same circumstances.

He sat next to me with a gorgeous smile and the tears that dampened my cheeks were no longer there. I was awed by how strong he was after learning about his mother's death whilst I was here uncontrollably sobbing over my mother's death.

I remembered the words he said to me that time when I was small and weak.

_"It's good to cry over someone's death but don't do it too long. I think you should be happy that they finally got to be in a better place. If you keep crying, they might feel guilty about leaving you and linger in this earth as a ghost. You wouldn't want that would you? You would want her to spent her eternity in a place with no pain and suffering, watching over her one and only son in a heavenly paradise. I think we could agree that they are both happy now so we should be happy for them"._

I lived by remembering his words and that's what kept me going all these times. It was a shame that we didn't get to introduce ourselves but I was glad that I remembered his eyes because that's what helped me recognized who he was now. I was able to learn his name and find him again after those few years because of his Cyan and Goldenrod eyes.

_I mean, there are only a few people in this world with heterochromia iridum._

I might be just another figure that he met during his life. A person he would probably forget after a few years. But he was a person I held dear that would always have a place on my heart. Forever etched in my memory till I pass away.

I slept peacefully, thinking of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed it so far! I have never written so much for the first chapter.  
> Lol my achievements are so funny.  
> I should tell myself to work harder ahahaha.  
> Dango fighting~!  
> Thanks for reading ! ;3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff  
> Fluff  
> Fluff  
> Fluff  
> Oh, and  
> Fluff.  
> ; )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do ya'll know what Tamagotchi is by the way?  
> It's very relevant for this chapter lololol.  
> TAMAGOTCHI IS MY FUCKING SHIT. IT IS MY CHILDHOOD LOLOLOL.  
> Well now you know that I'll be dropping in my favourite things in most of the chapters in this fic so look out for it ahahaha.  
> ANYWAYS JUST ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AHAHA.

I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me awake.

“5 more minutes…”, I begged sleepily.

“Wake up Leviiiii~!”, Hange’s voice rang in my ear.

“Let me sleep a little longer”, I said, trying to pull the covers over my head.

“Oh? You don’t want to look your best for today’s art project with Eren?”.

Nothing in my life has ever gotten me up so quickly than this. My eyes shot open like there’s no tomorrow and even if my sight was still taking it’s time to adjust to my surroundings, I was already halfway to the bathroom. I can hear Hange’s mocking laughter from behind me but I chose to ignore it.

Just when I was about to throw myself into the shower, I realized that I have forgotten about bringing my uniforms with me.  _I also haven't even taken my clothes off._

“Fuck!”, I cursed.

“Mind your language Levi!”, Hange stated before entering the bathroom with my uniform. “You should get rid of your clumsiness first before you do anything else”.

“Yes Mum”, I sighed as they handed me my clothes.

“I’m making chicken noodles for breakfast so don’t shower too long. You don’t want them to get cold”, Hange said before leaving the bathroom.

I placed my uniform on the bathroom rack and slipped my sleepwear off before jumping in the shower. I took a step away from the shower faucet to set the water to the right temperature for my skin. As the water droplets fall onto my pale skin, I can’t help but feel the instant excitement rushing through my body.

_I can’t wait!_

-

“Your noodles are so good”, I commented and shoved yet another spoonful in my mouth to emphasize my point.

“Yes dear! Feed me with compliments!”, Hange laughed with a mouthful.

“You’re gonna choke if you do that”, I grimaced when I caught sight of the chewed up food inside their mouth.

“I could tell you the same”, Hange swallowed.

I finished my breakfast quicker than Hange and stood up to wash my dish. I made my way back upstairs to look at the mirror. I made sure that my uniform was fitted correctly and my appearance was okay. I was always a neat freak so I always made sure that everything is up to standard. It’s a habit of mine.

I noticed that my hair was getting a little longer but my undercut was still visible beneath my raven locks. I probably won’t need another haircut in another month or two.

As I was still focusing on the mirror, Heichou, my 4 month old kitten, has just awoken and decided to wrap herself around my feet. She was a Bombay breed with blue eyes. I got her for my birthday last year.

“Morning Heichou~!”, I picked her up as I peck a kiss on her soft forehead.

Satisfied purrs escaped from her lips.

“I’m going now! See you at school!”, Hange shouted from downstairs.

As a teacher, it was already obvious that she had to get to school earlier than me. I set the kitten on her paws before making my way downstairs to get her some food. I always resupply her water and food storage so she had enough to last her through the day while me and Hange was at school. She had her own little room in this house filled with tremendous amounts of cat toys. She rarely uses any of them and just spend most of her time sleeping so I wonder if getting her those things was a good idea in the first place.

After I finished with Heichou’s needs, I had about half an hour left to get to school so as usual I would make my way to Isabel’s house so we could walk to school together. I looked at the mirror for the last time and said goodbye to Heichou before leaving the house.

Isabel’s house wasn’t far from here. It was like a 10 minute walk from my house to hers. Her house has this amazing doorbell that plays a variety of soothing Tamagotchi soundtrack when it’s pushed. Even though I can just knock, I always tend to push the button when I get the chance—which is every single morning. Her parents doesn’t mind so I have been doing it for good long period of time by now.

_I could never get tired of it to be honest._

But unfortunately before I could even relish in finding out which soundtrack is gonna play this time, the door flew open with Isabel pouncing on me with a suffocating hug up her sleeves.

“Not today Levi!”, she grinned.

“Can’t I just do it once?”, I pouted, struggling against her hold.

“Well, since it’s a special day today. I’ll let you off the hook”, she winked.

I rolled my eyes but since I got to press the doorbell, I didn’t let it bother me. My finger makes contact with the soft red button and only a little pressure was needed for it to make a satisfying click noise before a short 30 seconds tune comes on. I couldn’t recognize which soundtrack it was but the tune picked up with a slow pace that soothes me on the spot.

“Satisfied?”, Isabel asked.

“Yeah. Let’s go to school now”.

-

“Let’s hope today goes well”, Isabel smiled.

“Yeah”, I returned her smile.

We made our way to our art classroom and seated ourselves on the first seat we stumbled across. We were gonna be separated into seating plans anyway so it didn’t matter what seat we took. I felt my legs fidget in excitement.

_Ah, I’m too excited. Oh well._

Soon, the rest of the class filled in the empty seat. There were loud chatter among those students like normal. Eren and Jean took their seats last and I can’t help but glance a little at Eren.

_He looks nice today._

Hange—I mean, our art teacher, walked in the class with heavy loads of books in their hand. Like usual, Hange would slam them all against their desk and that would shut the entire class immediately. I could never get used to it, me and Isabel jumps at the sound every single time.

“Good morning everyone~!”, Hange’s loud cheery voice boomed around the class.

The whole class erupted in faint greetings before it’s quiet again.

“As you’re all already aware, today you’ll be partnered up with someone for your art project. So without further ado I’ll arrange you all in a seating plan!”.

I sat there with Isabel hearing people’s names get called out while we wait for ours. Isabel got called up and she was partnered up with a guy called Farlan. After a few more names, I was finally called up.

“Levi Ackerman and Eren Jaeger, back row seat nearest to the window”, Hange exclaimed, giving me a knowing smirk.

I can’t help but return her smirk before making my way to our seat. I walked to the back of the class and I felt my heartbeat pick up it’s pace as I got closer to Eren. He caught sight of me and greeted me with a breathtaking smile.

“Hi Levi! I guess you’re my art partner”, he held out his hand.

I nodded and shook his hand. As my skin rubbed against his, I smiled at how soft and warm his hands were. It was bigger than mine so my hand looked as if it was hiding beneath his palms.

I realized that I was holding his hand for a little too long so I pulled my arms back, blushing lightly.

“I-It’s nice to meet you”, I stuttered.

“Same here”, he replied as he ran his hand through his hair.

Before I could embarrass myself even more, I took the seat that was nearest to the window. Eren followed me after and took a seat right next to me. I kept looking down on my thigh since I felt like I was about to combust. I thought I prepared myself for this.

_Well actually, after what happened yesterday, I’m not even sure if I could face him without acting foolish._

I shook my head a little and tried to compose myself.

“Don’t be so nervous around me. I’m not that scary am I?”, Eren chuckled beside me.

“Oh um, s-sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just not used to being partnered up with someone other than Isabel”, I explained.

“Ah, I see”, he nodded knowingly. “Don’t worry, we’ll get along just fine”.

I smiled at how friendly he was.

“Thanks”, I blushed.

I was thankful that Hange spoke up because I’m not sure of what else to say in this situation.

“Now before we start, I have something exciting to announce. This time our art project is gonna run a little differently. You have two weeks to finish your art project. Your topic can be anything you want. When the two assigned weeks are over, you would submit it to me and I’ll get to have the honor of showing each and every one of of them to the class! Your job is to vote for your favourite art project but you can’t vote for your own. The project with the most votes wins a prize! The prize for the winner would be…”, she stopped for a second before pulling out two pieces of what looks like tickets for an amusement park. “A movie pass to the world’s largest IMAX screen in the world for you and your partner! It’s all the way in Australia! Aren’t you all excited!”.

It didn’t even take long before the entire class hollered in awe. I was surprised too. Hange must have kept it a secret from me as a surprise. I could see Isabel jumping from her seat and clapping at Hange. I glanced at Eren to see his expression and he was so amused that it nearly made me laugh.

“The flight to Australia is paid by the school so don’t worry about the expense. I’m hoping you’ll all do well!”, Hange exclaimed. “Now get planning!”.

Everyone instantly turned to their partner and began chatting away. We did too.

“So um, what should we do?”, I asked him.

He rested his chin on the table, thinking.

“I don’t know. Maybe something meaningful that is simple but catches people’s attention”, he suggested.

“Hmm, something simple”.

“But meaningful”, he added.

“And catches people’s attention”, I thought.

Without even thinking twice, I blurt out the next word that was on my mind. “You”.

Eren looked up at me, bewildered. “Sorry, what? I didn’t quite catch that”.

“Oh n-nothing”, I replied a little too quickly.

I laughed nervously hoping he really didn’t catch that. To save myself, I swiftly suggested, “Why don’t we just do photography? Um, it’s simple and often eye catching and it can be meaningful depending on what picture is taken”.

Eren didn’t say anything for a while and I began to panic a little, “Uh, or we could do something else”.

“No, sorry, I was just thinking. But that’s perfect! We should do photography!”, he smiled.

I sagged in relief and return his smile.

“But what should we take a picture of?”, I asked.

“I think you’ve already established that”, he chuckled.

“Eh?”, I looked at him dumbfounded. “I did?”.

“Yeah. I suggested that our art project should be something simple, eye-catching and meaningful. Then you said “you”, as in me right?”, he pointed at himself as confirmation.

_Oh fuck, he did hear it._

“Y-yeah”, my voice trembled as my cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.

“I don’t mean anything bad by it. I think it’s a good idea. I don’t know why so much girls are attracted to me in this school. I don’t even know what I did to make them like me. What I’m trying to say is that if I was the subject of our art project, it might be possible to get most of the female’s vote from this class. We just have to find a way to add meaning to it than just projecting my face on the screen. Ah, now it just sounds like I’m gloating about myself”, he grimaced at himself.

“I don’t mind. I think it’s nice to have confidence over yourself. Self confidence is very important and being able to appreciate who you are is good for your mental health”, I added, still a little flustered from a moment ago.

“Thanks for making me see it in a much optimistic way. You’re the best”, he laughed softly.

“You welcome”, I said. “But I feel a little bad that you have to go out of your way to use yourself as a project so we could get votes”.

“Nah, I don’t mind”, he assured. “If one simple picture of me is what it would take to win this little competition then I’ll do my best with what I have. For once I always want to make something useful out of my appearance instead of having it exist for the purpose of attracting girls. I’m not a fond of being so popular”.

He sighed and I felt my heart sink knowing that most female students in our school knows him because of his appearance, not his personality.

“It’s sad that people only acknowledge you for what you look like and not how good of a person you really are on the inside”, I muttered.

Eren locked his gorgeous eyes on mine and an unidentifiable expression played on his face. He looked torn between having to feel happy or sad over what I just said.

“You know, I’ve only met you today but I wish I could have met you earlier because you’re amazing”, he smiled and placed his hand on top of my head, patting it softly.

My eyes soften at his words and my heart felt like it would burst from happiness but I can’t help but feel a little hurt that he doesn’t remember me from three years ago. Nonetheless, I was still happy.

_For now, I’ll put the past behind me and just focus on the present and future._

“So, I guess we got our art project sorted”, Eren clapped his hand in excitement.

“Yep!”, I confirmed.

Suddenly the school bell rang, announcing that it’s break time.

“Aww, but we were just about to start our project”, Eren pouted.

“Oh well, we can do it in our breaks”, I suggested.

“I would love too but me and Jean were assigned to help our coach with sorting out the new sports equipment today”, he sighed.

“Want to plan something after school?”, I asked.

“That’s a good idea! You’re always coming up with good ideas. How about tomorrow? After school. Come to my house and we’ll do our projects there. Do you have a good camera?”, he said.

“I think I do”, I replied, remembering about Hange’s digital camera that she never used.

“That’s good. I’ll see you later then”, he waved me goodbye.

“See ya”, I waved back.

I watched him rush out of the classroom in a hurry. Being in a sport’s team must be pretty tough. I stood up from my seat and began to make my way to Isabel before stopping abruptly when the conversation I just had with Eren finally made sense in my head.

“What’s wrong?”, Isabel asked worriedly.

“Isabel help me, I don’t know what to do”, I panicked.

“Is it about the art project?”, she furrowed her brows in confusion.

“No”, I took a deep breath before speaking the next sentence. “I’m going to Eren’s house tomorrow”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHEHEHHEHEHEHEEHE  
> Idk whether i should give ya'll a heads up for the next chapter.  
> Oh well, just trust me that I wouldn't make it take a turn.  
> oR Am i? XD  
> LOL FEED ME WITH COMMENTS AND KUDOS COS I LOVE U (in a friendly way).  
> THANKKKKKSSS FOR YER SUPPORTTTTT~~~!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hitch and the bitch has made an appearance Oh God!  
> Huhuhuhuh but Ereri is stronger than the forces of evil~!  
> Time for Isabel to shine too!  
> RIP Hitch XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow oh my god I'm so sorry I haven't updated this fic for like a year!  
> Forgive my lazy ass 2016 XD  
> I was just too busy with Christmas, New Year and the fact that I'm moving house to have the time to write another chapter. I'll try my best to update a little more so for now please bear with me~! :')  
> ANYWAYS I'LL LET YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER NOW AND THANK YOUUU SOOO MUCCHHH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!! XD

Isabel stared at me for what felt like an eternity before she burst in girlish squeals.

“Oh my god Levi! How did you do that? In one day!”, she pulled me for a hug.

“I’m seriously gonna suffocate if you keep hugging me like that!”, I squirmed in her hold.

“Alright, okay”, she pulled back. “But what happened?”.

“I don’t know. It’s all happening too fast”, I felt myself beginning to panic.

“Hey, you should be happy right now. It’s a chance in a lifetime!”, she pranced on her feet.

“But, what if things doesn’t turn out well during my visit?”, I sighed.

“Can you just stop worrying for a second. Trust me, everything will be fine”, she assured as she tapped on my shoulder continuously.

“Alright”, I sagged back in relief.

“Anyways let’s go eat! I’m famished!”, she said before taking my hand and dragging me towards the school’s cafeteria.

-

“What are you gonna get today?”, Isabel asked from behind me.

We were lining up to order our food like usual.

“I’m not really hungry right now”, I replied.

“How could you not be hungry? I’m always craving to fill my stomach. Oh wait, I think I have a fair idea on why you’re not hungry”, she giggled.

I could just hear the smirk in her tone.

“What is it now?”, I asked, a little fearful of what words are gonna come out of her mouth this time.

“Nothing that they sell here can compare to what you really want to eat”, she smirked before leaning in to whisper something loud enough so only I could hear. “You’re only hungry for Eren and no food here can obviously compare to something you always wish to eat up on a daily basis”.

I spun around faster than I thought and pushed her away playfully. She moved back but it only made her erupt in laughter.

“Isabel, what the fuck?!!”, I hissed.

“You should have seen your face!”, she pointed straight at me whilst her other hand was doing an awful job at muffling her laughter.

“Can you not!”, I placed my hand above her mouth to help her stop laughing.

“Oh wait, you’re bottom aren’t you”, she reminded me with a wink.

An unpleasant déjà vu hit me when I don’t want it too.

“Oh my god Isabel, shut up!”, I groaned.

“Okay! Alright!”, she giggled a little more before fixing her steadiness.

“So what are you gonna order?”, I changed the topic with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m gonna get a big Yakisoba Roll! Those things always fill me up. How about you?”.

“I’ll just get myself a Dango. I heard they are pretty good. I’m craving for something sweet anyways that won’t make me too full”, I answered.

“Good choice”, Isabel nodded. “But Eren better is a better choice!”.

“God dammit shut up!”.

-

“This is actually pretty good”, I commented on my Dango.

I plopped another sweet glutinous rice ball and relished in the way the faint sweet flavour bounced around in my mouth.

“Is it? I bet it doesn’t taste as good as Ere-”

“Stop right there”, I cut her off before she speaks any further.

“Geez Levi. Just a moment ago you were giddy about the fact that you’re going to Eren’s house and now you’re like a pissed women on her period”, Isabel chuckled.

“I do not have a vagina, thank you very much”, I glared.

“I’m aware”, she laughed. “By the way, I feel nature calling. I’m gonna head to the restroom”.

She consumed the last bite of her Yakisoba Roll before making her way to the female’s restroom. Her absence wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it would be. Yes, it was nice to have a break from her dreadful teasings but without her my mind could only threaten me to think of Eren. Though I didn’t have dwell in my silence for long when a voice reached me.

Though it wasn’t the one that I wanted to hear.

“You’re Levi right?”, a grating sound rang beside me.

I swiveled on my seat to face Hitch. Her bitch was here too to make things twice as great.

_It gives a whole new meaning to double trouble doesn’t it._

“Yeah”, I replied bluntly.

“Alright we’ll just get to the point. I won’t waste your time. I’m just here to tell you that we’re swapping partners”.

My eyes snapped to hers and my brows furrowed in irritation.

“Excuse me, what?”, I squinted my eyes.

“You’ve heard what I said. We’re swapping partners. We’ve still have time after all”, she leaned closer to me.

The determination in her eyes made me resent her even more. She spoke as if she could get anything she want. I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with her bullshit right now so I pushed her away—it obviously wasn’t the considerate and soft push that I used on Isabel.

“Unfortunately I don’t have the time that you supposedly have but I also won’t waste your time so no. We’re _not_ swapping partners”, I spat with gritted teeth.

She seems to be backing away a little from my vicious persona but that didn’t stop an annoying “ _Why not?_ ” to escape her ill-favoured lips.

I snapped my head to hers and made sure that our eyes were locked on each other before I proceeded to ruthlessly glower at her. I used to be famous for giving out daunting glares to people I loathe. I didn’t mean to be born with a face this scary. I also did not mean to make that boy soil his pants in fourth grade.

By the looks of it (pun probably intended), it seems to have worked when I notice her flinching back like I just physically harmed her. But even that wouldn’t stop her. This is Hitch we’re talking about.

_Persistent and fucking stubborn!_

“You don’t have to look at me like that, all I wanted was for us to swap partne-”

“I already said no”, I sternly cut her off.

If looks could kill, Hitch is probably 666 foot deep in hell by now. But again, she is Satan’s bitch so obviously she isn’t backing down.

“Wow, you’re quite persistent aren’t you?”, she chuckled but there isn’t any humor behind the tone. “Why are you trying so hard to keep him as your partner? Don’t tell me you have a crush on him too”.

My movements ceased as she finished that last sentence.

_This bitch._

“Wow! The scary-faced Levi Ackerman is gay and has an interest on the hottest guy in school”, she raised her voice a little louder than before and didn’t phrase her statement as a question.

As much as I don’t give a fuck about what bullshit she says about me, I am also not in the mood for unwanted attention or have my sexuality shared around every fucking person in the cafeteria. Even though Eren isn’t around here because he’s helping his coach right now, rumors still spreads fast in a pretty small high school like ours.

_Luckily, no one has grasp on what she just said except her sidekick._

My mind is clouded with violent thought, desperate to harm the bitch in any way I could. But boys are forbidden to harm a girl in this school and doing so can get a person into serious troubles. I also do not want to risk the chance I have with Eren just because this bitch is in the way.

As if on cue, Isabel strided to where we were and jumped in the middle of us without a second thought.

“Could you find a seat somewhere else. This seat is taken”, she spat.

I’m in need of a stronger word than hate to describe how Isabel feels towards Hitch. Hitch once tried to cut off one of Isabel’s pigtails because she was an attention seeking whore. Unfortunately she was unsuccessful in doing so because Isabel actually has a pretty quick reflex. Long story short, she doesn’t mess around when it comes to Hitch.

“Excuse me, I was just talking to Levi. Don’t be rude”, Hitch tried to push pass her but Isabel swatted her away.

Hitch lacks good balance so the simple push made her fall on her ass.

“Hey!”, she complained.

Isabel stood up and glared at the vulture below her.

“Why the fuck are you the one being so angry?!!”, Isabel spat. “You’re the one who tried to practically threatened Levi so you can get your thirsty way with Eren you attention seeking whore!”.

This time, the entire cafeteria had their eyes locked on the two girls right beside me. I stiffened beneath their stares even though it was directed mainly on me.

“Attention seeking whore? Isn’t that you just now? Look, now the whole cafeteria has their eyes on you! Is that what you wanted?”, Hitch laughed but humor did not linger in her tone.

“Well maybe that’s what I needed right now because I want the whole school to see me land my fist on that demented face of yours!”, Isabel shouted back and moved a little closer towards Hitch.

I tried to get a hold of Isabel’s wrist to tell her that this isn’t worth it but there’s times when her stubbornness gets the better of her.

_Oh dear Jesus above, please don’t let this get out of hand._

“You wouldn’t dare to hurt me”, Hitch challenged.

“What? Are you scared? Don’t worry, we’re both girls right so it would be fine”, Isabel stated.

Hitch opened her mouth but was instantly silenced when the double doors to the cafeteria slammed open.

“Stop with all of this unwanted commotion! You three, come to my office now!”, the loud booming noise belonged to no other than Hange.

All the eyes that existed to stay on us at that moment vanished to focus on something else. The cafeteria was surrounded with uncomfortable silence. The three of us just nodded before leaving the cafeteria to follow after Hange. We left the room with bewildered stares.

-

“Mind to explain what the hell was going on during your break?”, Hange’s question was directed more at Isabel and Hitch than me.

“Hitch thought it was a good idea for her to try and convince Levi to switch partners with her so she could be with Eren even though it was too late”, Isabel stated.

Hitch looks beyond infuriated. I’m pretty sure she was the first student in this school to have her crush publicly shared to a teacher.

“Well you tried to punch me!”, Hitch hissed.

“But I didn’t”, the serene expression that Isabel wore continued to push Hitch off the edge.

“Enough you two”, Hange said before fixing their gaze on me. “Is this true?”.

“Everything Isabel has stated is true”, I replied without hesitation.

“You’re just saying that because you’re on her side!”, Hitch pointed at me with hostility.

“Quiet Hitch! I’ll take the time to go around and ask people what really happened during that time so it’s fair. You on the other hand, needs to shut up and grow up! What are you, 5 years old?”, Hange slammed both hands on their desk.

The impact caused a few papers to fly off the table and scattered all over the floor. Hitch’s lips formed a thin line from a mix of fear and anxiety.

“I won’t keep you in for long since your break is nearly over. Hitch, you’re dismissed but I would like you two to stay here for a little longer”, Hange sagged back on the chair.

Hitch practically stormed out of the room and didn’t take any backward glance. The sounds of her footsteps vanished into sounds of papers brushing against each other as me and Isabel cleaned up the mess on the floor.

“Damn Mum, you can be scary sometimes”, I choked out a laugh.

Isabel nodded in agreement as she plopped the stack of papers that are no longer on the floor.

“I’m just trying too look out for my dear children”, Hange chuckled. “She’s quite a handful isn’t she”.

“You don’t say”, I sighed.

“I bet you a dollar that bitch is not gonna let this pass easily”, Isabel said and proceeded to hand me a dollar after saying so.

The three of us erupted in giggles after what Isabel has just done.

“Alright you two, you should go to your next class now. I’ll see you around”, Hange waved us off.

We waved back before scuttering towards our next class.

-

The rest of the day was spent disregarding Hitch presence and it went smoothly. Isabel went home early because she had to go grocery shopping with her mum. As I exited the school, I spotted Eren leaning against the school’s entrance. With the courage that I miraculously have, I made my way closer and greeted him.

“Hey Eren, aren’t you gonna go home?”, I asked, trying to hide the anxiousness that’s bubbling up in the pit of my stomach.

“Oh Levi! I’m just waiting here for stupid horse face because he left his bag in the classroom. We walk home together after school because our house are on the same way”, Eren smiled.

The gorgeous beam that glowed on his face made my heart beat louder than usual.

“By the way, I heard that today you got in an argument with Hitch about something. Is that true?”, he asked.

The relaxed expression that I wore turned into a semi-horrified one.

“H-how much did you hear about it?”, I replied to his question with another question and thought of how stupid of me to do that.

“Oh, all I heard was that Hitch said something to you that cause Isabel to threaten her physically but that was all I heard. I’m not actually sure what words were shared between the three of you”, he said.

I mentally sighed in relief.

_News spreads fast doesn’t it._

“Oh I see, haha don’t worry, it wasn’t anything serious”, I waved the topic off.

“That’s good to hear. As expected of Hitch to pull yet another stupid stunt again”, Eren chuckled.

“Wait, you hate her too?”, I sounded more surprised than what I intended to.

“Who doesn’t?”, he laughed.

I always loved the way those sweet laughter of his soothes me when I needed it. When I always needed it.

“Ah, I think Jean is back. You should get going”, Eren told me.

“Ah, yes. I’ll see you tomorrow~!”, I smiled and waved him goodbye.

He returned my waves with yet another beautiful smile.

I made my way home with my hands close to my chest. Feeling the pulse beneath the fabric of my uniform. The worries that I had about going to his house vanished and was replaced with excitement.

-

“My son has finally grew into a man~!”, Hange shouted from beneath the mountains off stacked boxes as they searched for their old cameras.

“Stop it Mum. Just focus on finding the camera”, I move some of the boxes away from them so they have better access.

“Yes, yes”, Hange replied.

After what felt like eternity, Hange pushed themselves into a sitting position and held up a Fujifilm Polaroid Camera.

“You have a Polaroid?”, I took the camera from their hand to inspect it.

“Yes! So you don’t have to worry about going through the trouble of transferring it to a computer and printing it into a measly A4 paper”, Hange winked.

I dragged my thumb around it’s huge lens and resting my eyes on the calming pastel blue colour that the camera is covered with. I turned to hug Hange and smiled against her stomach.

“Thanks Mum!”.

“You welcome sweetie. I can’t wait to see what you and Eren will come up with”, Hange patted me on the head softly.

-

I couldn’t believe that the day that I finally get to visit Eren’s house would come so soon. My heart has been hammering wildly inside me the moment I got here. Though I forgot to mentally and physically prepare myself for this moment that’s why my hand is clenched in a fist right above the wooden door in front of me.

_All you have to do is just knock. C’mon Levi!_

Even as I tell myself that, my skin still wouldn’t make contact with the douglas fir that I’m staring intensely at.

_If only he had a doorbell like Isabel, this would have been much easier and I would never know why._

I bit my lip and straightened myself up before beating my fist against the wood, setting a small rhythm loud enough to be noticeable before taking a step back. The door opened the moment my right hand left the surface of the wood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think about this or the previous chapters in the comment~!  
> Give the Dango some love! \\(=^~^=)/ <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ereri fluffs and feels to warm our withering hearts ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the fastest update I have ever done oh lord I FEEL POWERFUL~! o(≧∇≦o)  
> Ah, thank you everyone for the comment on the previous chapter <3  
> IT MADE ME SO HAPPY BCOS I NEVER GOTTEN SO MUCH POSITIVE COMMENTS IN A SINGLE CHAPTER BEFORE AND IM SHOOK WITH HAPPINESS \\(´▽｀)/  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter ahaha~!

The door opened to reveal a tall brunette draped in a comfy casual outfit. His hair was parted messily as if he just woken up from a deep sleep but nonetheless it still made him look attractive.

“Levi! I’ve been expecting you~!”, he greeted me with a cheery voice. “Come in”.

He gave me some space so I could enter the house. My heart was still set at an erratic pace and I was clueless on how to slow it down. The door slammed closed behind me and I involuntarily flinch at the sound.

“Oh sorry, that was the wind”, Eren reassured me.

“I-it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault”, I smiled to hide how nervous I really am.

_ Get yourself together Levi! _

“Um, make yourself at home. Have a seat in the living room while I go prepare refreshments”, Eren led me to said room before rushing off to the kitchen.

_ It seems like I’m not the only one that’s nervous. _

I sat down on the floor and stretch my legs to rest beneath the coffee table in front of me. I bask in the silence for a while until I realise that there’s actually no one else in this house but me and Eren. Eren popped out of the kitchen just a second later with a tray of assorted cookies and two glasses of cold water, placing it on the coffee table gingerly.

“I hope these would be fine”, Eren commented about the snacks.

“Ah yes, thank you. This is more than enough”, I smiled.

“That’s good then”, he said.

“By the way, are you home alone?”, I asked.

“My sister goes to college so she probably won’t be home until dinner time and my dad goes to work and also doesn’t come home until Mikasa does. I’m always by myself after school so I often invite Armin over to help with homework or something”, he explained.

I was learning more and more about him and I’m grateful for that. I didn’t even bother to ask where his Mum is because we both know fully well what the answer to that is. Even though he doesn’t remember who I am, there’s no need for me to pretend that I don’t know anything about him either.

“Shall we work on our art project?”, Eren snapped me back from my short reverie. “Did you bring the camera?”.

“Oh yes, I did!”, I replied, pulling it out from the small backpack that hung loose on my back.

I handed him the camera and he held it with care as I watch his eyes observing every parts of the Polaroid with awe.

“Wow, you have a Polaroid?!!”, Eren spoke, astonished.

“I was as surprised as you are when Hange handed that to me too”, I chuckled.

“Wait, you are close with the art teacher?”, Eren perked up.

_ Oh shit. _

“Well, Hange is my caretaker”, I replied.

“Whoa, I didn’t know that. Lucky you. I bet Art is your best subject because of that”, he smirked.

“Hey! I have pride in myself thank you very much. I would never ask Hange to help me with my work”, I stated, offended.

“I was just joking haha!”, he laughed.

“Yes, yes. Very funny”, I rolled my eyes but laughed along with him too.

“So I guess we have to start planning on how to take a good photo of me but to be honest I still feel uncomfortable with it”, he frowned.

“Why do you say that?”.

“I mean, it’s good that I can actually use my looks for a good purpose other than unitentionally have girls in our school throw their panties at me but it makes me feel like a narcissist”, he sighed.

“Hey, remember what I told you in class. It’s good to have confidence over yourself. You are gifted with them so it’s fine to feel happy that you’re born with it. I bet your mother is proud for giving birth to such a handsome son”, I smiled but then it later disappeared when I suddenly realised that I just mentioned his mother right in front of him.

_ Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with me?!! _

I began to panic a little over my stupidity but the feeling vanished when the expression that played on his face was out of my anticipation. 

His eyes softened and his smooth lips formed a soft smile that lit the whole room. I wasn’t sure whether it was my eyes playing tricks on me or it was reality, but from the corner of my eyes I could detect his multi colored eyes glossy with unshed tears and the way his bottom lips quiver ever so slightly. A small part of me broke and it made me rethink whether the Eren that I have always looked up to was as strong as I thought he would be.

“E-Eren?”, I called out unintentionally from the bouts of worries that was fulfilling my mentality.

“Ah, sorry. I spaced out a little there didn’t I. Thank you for saying that”, he smiled and just like that his serene expression was back to normal.

For once in my life the smile that had always made my heart skip a beat did not trigger the same reaction this time.

“You welcome”, I attempted to return his smile, miraculously succeeding.

“Let’s work on this shall we. After all, we only have two weeks to complete it”, he suggested and went back to observing every bits and parts of the Polaroid.

I can’t help but play along with his happy Façade, even though it felt so fucking wrong.

“Now that I think about it, we can’t just take a photo and call it art. That doesn’t feel right at all”, Eren said.

“Well, we can add a meaningful description to the photos we take”, I suggested.

“That’s a good idea but we need a hell of a good description to make a photo of me meaningful”, Eren laughed.

“Ah, maybe we can take the photo at a certain angle. Like for example, taking a photograph at a canted angle helps portray an image of  uneasiness, disorientation, or something along those lines”, I said.

“Wow Levi, you really are smart”, Eren praised me before proceeding to continuously seal clap to emphasize his point.

“Oh uh, thank you”, I flushed and I was overwhelmed with happiness that my lips were stretching at a painful extent.

“Let’s do some research then. I think Mikasa still has her old  _ Everything You Need To Know About Photography  _ book somewhere. Wait here, I’ll go find it”, he said before standing up and making his way upstairs to his sister’s room.

While waiting, I took the time to enjoy a handful of the checkerboard cookies laid out deliciously on the tray.

_ Holy mother of fuck, they are actually really good. _

As I bit onto another one, I heard something fall upstairs followed by a loud curse of  _ Oh Fuck! _

“Eren?”, I called out, worried.

“Ah, Levi could you come up here for a moment”, Eren replied.

His voice was a little muffled and faint. I made my way swiftly upstairs and went to the only room that had it’s doors open. The scene that met me when I entered the room made me drop on the floor and laughed.

Eren was sprawled all over the floor with various items on top of him. What made it even more funnier was the fact that his sister’s hot pink bra was the reason why his voice was muffled.

“Oh god Levi why are you laughing? Help me out here”, he tried to shake the bra off his mouth but to no avail.

“Mikasa is so gonna kill me”, he groaned before adding. “I never knew that a bra could taste so bad”.

Now the entire house was booming with my hysterical laughter. 

“How did you manage to get in this position in the first place?”, I asked between chokes of laughter.

“Her wardrobe is like a bomb. One wrong move and it explodes. Today I have learnt that fact the hard way”, Eren sighs. “Now can you help me out of here”.

I took a few deep breaths and steadied myself from laughing so hard. A little too hard that it felt like I literally just busted a lung. 

I got up to where Eren is and began to remove a few stuff off him.

“Whew, I’ve never knew inhaling fresh air could feel so good”, he said as he pushes more stuff off him.

I snorted a laugh and he glared at me playfully.

-

“I hope this is clean enough for her standard”, Eren exhaled and wiped a sweat off his forehead.

We both helped with putting her room back to what it was before. It wasn’t entirely perfect but it was good enough.

“Let’s head back downstairs. Do you have the book?”, I asked.

“Yup”, he held up Mikasa’s photography book before making his way down the stairs with me.

We both sat back down and instantly began to flip through the pages, searching for what we need.

“Jesus Christ, how do people read these things? None of these makes any sense”, Eren squinted at the offending words printed on the pages.

“To be honest with you, I’m not actually sure either”, I brought my face closer to the book as if it was written in gibberish.

“Dammit, I had to go through hell for this crap”, Eren groaned, referencing to the apocalypse that just happened a few minutes ago.

I laughed at the memory.

“How about we start practising a few shots”, I suggested.

“Good idea! Grab your camera, let’s find a good place”, Eren stood up with enthusiast.

“Yes sir~!”, I mimicked a soldier.

“Hahaha, good one Levi”, Eren chuckled.

-

We’ve been walking around the house for a good half an hour and we still couldn’t decide on a good place to take a shot. Some places are too dark and some places are too bright.

“Maybe we should try finding a good spot outside”, I thought aloud.

“Well, I guess that’s the only choice we have”, Eren shrugged and led me to his backyard.

I inhaled the soft air that fulfilled my lungs the moment my feet dug through the well trimmed grass. 

“This feels much better”, Eren stretched his arms, revealing some pretty nice biceps that seems to be ripping out of his pale shirt.

_ Shit, focus Levi. _

I directed my gaze back at his small backyard and spotted a colourful flower bed right on the corner of his backyard.

“How about over there”, I pointed at flower bed and his eyes followed my direction.

“Good choice”, Eren chuckled and walked towards said spot.

When we got closer to it, I realised how pretty it really was. The flower bed was covered in an abundance of multi coloured Roses. Eren sat beside it carefully to refrain from making any direct contact with the flowers.

“I suddenly feel like a model”, he chuckled before leaning down to do the infamous  _ French Girls  _ pose that Rose did in Titanic.

I erupted in laughter and as if it was contagious, Eren broke out in a set of laughter too. I took the camera out and opened it’s compartment to refill it with new films. When I was done with it, I held it up at an eye level to take a photo. 

Eren noticed this and went back to his french pose instantly before shooting me an attempt of a sexy smile. I snorted before pressing the shutter button.

Eren stood next to me as we waited for the photo in my hand to develop. I shook it a little to help it develop faster. We both started to laugh when the image in my hand was as clear as day.

“Look at your face!”, I chuckled.

“Yes, much sexy”, he nodded sarcastically.

That just made me laugh harder that all of a sudden I lost the sense of my balance as my leg gave out under me. Luckily, Eren was fast enough to wrap his arms around my petite body so I didn’t have to land on my ass.

“Whoa there, calm yourself. Was my pose that majestic?”, Eren giggled as he pulled me closer to his chest.

Instead of flushing and squirming over the fact that he was hugging me and that our faces was way too close, I was too lost in his humor to even care. 

Instead of practising more shots, we both sat down next to each other beside the flower bed to have a short rest. Eren took this time to tell me everything about the existence of the beautiful flower bed. I listened closely as he told me that it was the last creation of his mother and that each and every rose that grew earnestly on the lovely soil had it’s own personal meaning. 

He took the time to explain each and every one of them. His expression was full of fondness and the emotions he was sharing was just so beautiful that I couldn’t help but lift the camera up and took a photo.

He realised what I had just done and pouted. “Hey, I wasn’t ready”.

I replied with a mischievous giggle and held the shook the film that was in the process of developing. When it was done with it’s little job, I smiled at my mini handiwork.

“I like it”, I admitted.

The beauty was so unintentional that it almost feels magical. I never knew a single photo can radiate such strong emotions.

“You do?”, he asked before leaning closer to take a good look at the shot.

“Yup”, I stated as a matter of fact.

I realised that it was getting late and Hange would probably think that I’m up too no good considering how dirty their mind can get sometimes.

“You should probably be heading home”, Eren said as if he just read my mind. “Come back again tomorrow so we can work more on this”.

“I will!”, I replied a little too cheerful over something that made me all jittery just a few hours ago.

We both made our way inside so I could get my backpack and fit my camera inside.

“Let’s hope we actually do some real work next time”, I chuckled.

“We’ll see”, Eren laughed before guiding me outside.

“I’ll see you tomorrow”, I waved him goodbye.

“I will~!”, he returned my farewell with a smile before closing the door behind him.

Though the weather was a little cold today, it couldn’t overpower the lingering warmth that coursed throughout my entire body.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh and I also uploaded this fic on my wattpad too and if you want to see the book cover for the wattpad version you can click on this link [here~! ](https://www.wattpad.com/story/96036166-his-luminous-lover)  
> Or you don't have to worry about it and just enjoy the fic here XD  
> And obviously I update the story on this website first before updating the wattpad one because I like A03 better XD


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking it a little step further won't hurt,  
> Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL IM SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATE IN SO LONG HOLY SHIT IM SCREMING  
> Since I was moving, we didn't have WiFi for like an entire month so I had to rely on free/public WiFi for the time being but even that wasn't strong enough so I couldn't update the fic.  
> Now that I got my WiFi back, I CAN FINALLY UPDATE TWO NEW CHAPTERS! XD  
> I know I said that I was gonna make 3 BUT FUCKING SCHOOL ended up making me only able to write two.  
> Me hope it's enough lolololol :')  
> ANYWAYS ENJOY AHAHAHAHHA

"By the way", Isabel whispered next to me as she jotted down a few more important notes. "Does Eren Jaeger is gay?".

I was at a lost of whether I should facepalm over the Mystic Messenger reference or whether I should stress over the fact that I was still unaware of Eren's sexuality.

"Are we gonna have another one of those conversations that emphasizes how fucked my situation is", I sighed and planted my face on the table.

"Calm down. I'm sure it wouldn't be that hard to find out which way he swings", Isabel patted my shoulder.

"That's easier said than done", I leaned back and tried to focus on the maths teacher that was rambling on about common mistakes that may occur when doing a specific operation.

_The only common mistake I would probably make today would most likely have to do with choosing the wrong way to find out Eren's sexuality._

"Don't stress. Maybe we could try asking his friends", Isabel suggested.

"Wouldn't that be weird and awkward though? And I'm most definitely not gonna communicate with that horse face", I sighed, again.

"I don't think Jean is the problem. You are just antisocial to begin with", she nudged at my side.

"I don't want to hear that from you", I glared.

"Stay calm shorty", she giggled.

"Say that again, I dare you".

"Short-".

"And there goes your chance of ever touching Heichou again", I cutted her off with a devious grin.

"You did not just-!", her mouth opened in disbelief.

"Hey you two in the back! I do not have to remind you both to give me your full attention during my class!", the maths teacher snapped at us and we visibly shook in our seat.

I silently thanked the gods above for making sure that Eren and I wasn't in the same Maths class or I would have soiled my pants in embarrassment for getting screamed at.

"S-sorry sir!", we apologized in unison.

He went back to discussing about his previous topic as I shot Isabel a death glare.

"Whoops", she chuckled quietly.

"God damnit Isabel", I cursed under my breath.

"It's okay, we can try asking Armin. I heard that he's also a close friend of Eren and an easily approachable guy so let's put our hopes on him for now", she winked, followed by her reassuring thumbs up.

"Alright", I nodded.

-

"So what does this Armin kid look like", I asked.

"He has a short and blonde bob hairstyle with big sky blue eyes that compliments his child-like features. And surprisingly, he's also shorter than you in heights", she laughed.

"I'm deeply offended", I huffed.

"Anyways, he's actually a pretty smart kid and I know it's stereotypical but he wanders around the library during his lunch breaks so we might find him there".

"That's good because I really want to get out of this over crowded hallways", I stated.

"I'm fully aware", she giggled.

-

I haven't actually been in the school's library since a few months ago since it never caught my interest to actually hang around inside the building.

Though my opinion seems to have differ.

My nostril was instantly hit by the strong scent of sanitizers and antibacterial soap the moment we opened the double doors. The clean freak that I am approves of this atmosphere with no doubt.

"Wow, you look unusually happy", Isabel nudged at my side again.

"Well, look at this place. It's taking cleanliness to a whole new level!", I exclaimed in satisfaction.

"It's good to hear such high praise towards the library", a soft voice laughed from behind us.

We spun on our heels to face a short blonde student with a Librarian Badge sitting neat and proud on the left corner of his collar.

"Ah! You're just the person we're looking for!", Isabel clapped her hands together.

"M-me?", his eyes widened, bewildered.

"Well, not me exactly but shorty here wants to know about something", Isabel pointed at me and she instantly placed me on the spot.

_What a way to get to the point._

"Um, yeah. Will that be okay?", I chuckled nervously.

"Sure! What would you like to know about the library?", he shot me a welcoming beam.

"Actually the thing that I wanted to know has nothing to do with the library", I stated.

"Oh? Then what is it?".

"He wants to ask you something about Eren", Isabel once again cuts to the chase.

I shot her a quick glare before fixing my focus back on Armin and nodding vigorously.

"Oh I see", he said, suddenly looking a little worn out. "Follow me, let's go to a more private area in the library then".

Without another word, me and Isabel followed behind him as told. I was a little lost over his sudden change of demeanor. He led us to a small 4-seat table and sat down with a heavy exasperated sigh.

"Ah, sorry. I hope we're not bothering you", I added quickly after his small showcase of frustration.

"Oh, no, not at all. Sorry, just a little a habit of mine since it has been happening a lot of time", Armin explained.

"What do you mean by that?", Isabel tilted her head in confusion.

"Lots of people approached me at different times of the day to ask questions about Eren nearly everyday. Of course, most of them are people who have crushes on Eren. They all come to me because I'm a close friend of his and I'm the easiest to approach out of all his other close friends. It's nearly becoming a routine", he giggled, sounding more tired than ever.

_He really is smart. I've never felt so accurately described before._

"But it's actually pretty rare to have a guy ask me about him so I'm actually a little interested", he admitted. "I don't want to jump to obvious conclusions but you're asking because you are..."

"Uh yeah, I like him", I said, my cheeks evidently darkening a deeper shade of red. "Please keep that a secret".

"Sure thing!", he shot me a thumbs up.

"Aww Levi! You're so cute when you're in falling for someone", Isabel pinched my cheeks softly and I scowled.

"Stop it", I glared.

"So what do you want to know about him?", Armin asked.

"Levi wants to know Eren's sexuality", Isabel chimed in.

_Straightforward Isabel strikes again._

"Wow, finally after all these time I finally got an interesting question", Armin's eyes seemingly sparkled.

"Eh? Really? I thought that it was a pretty common question that people would ask", I said.

"Surprisingly, no one has ever asked me that question", Armin admitted. "People come to me to ask whether Eren has a crush on them or if he's seeing anyone else. That's all really. I think they're too afraid to ask more because they probably think that I'm gonna tell Eren or something but I really couldn't care less other than answering then with a straight 'I don't know' or 'I'm not really sure'. I'm more afraid of having those two sentences becoming my permanent vocabulary because I say it so much times".

Me and Isabel laughed at his response.

"You're a pretty fun guy", Isabel patted his shoulder.

"Thanks. Anyways, back to the question. The reason why said question is interesting is because I'm not actually 100% sure which way Eren swings".

"Eh?!! Really?", Isabel and I shot up.

"Even though we are close, we never actually bothered to know each other's sexuality. It doesn't really matter which gender we each go for because Eren and I accepts each other's decisions so we never talk about it. It's not an everyday conversation or something that we're interested to talk about so we never got around to discussing it. I mean, it's just a sexuality. No big deal", Armin explained.

A small pout threatened to appear on my lips but I kept it hidden away.

"But I'm aware that it means more than it should to you so I'll state my own theory to the best of my ability", Armin reassured.

"That would be greatly appreciated", I nodded.

"To begin with, Eren is a pretty carefree person. From my perspectives, he seems to get along well with both genders. If I remember correctly, there was one time when Jean had the nerve to ask if Eren has an ideal type or preference when it comes to girls because he was becoming tired of girls having a crush on Eren instead of him.  Eren just laughed him off before adding _'What makes you think that I have prefer girls?'_. Of course that pulled a shocked sound to escape from Jean's throat but before he could utter another word, Eren cutted him off. I think he said something along the lines off _'That doesn't mean I'm gay but if you want to know that badly, I don't actually mind who I will fall for as long as I love them'_. I'm sure that he said more but I don't remember but either way, it's safe to assume that he's probably bisexual", Armin finished.

I've just met Armin today and I already felt like I owed him a lot of good shit for this.

_God bless you blonde Dora. You have my uttermost gratitude._

"That was very well said. Thanks Armin", I shook his hand with earnest.

"Ahaha! No problem! But also, I'm likely positive that he has more attraction towards males though", he gave me a thumbs up.

I felt my heart skip a beat and I knew that even though it was unlikely that I'll ever get the chance to be anything more than just friends to Eren, at least I can still hold onto this small hope that I'll believe in for as long as I can. Even if I knew how much it would hurt at the very end, I'll still prosper.

I snapped my head to the side to express my happy emotion to Isabel but it caught me off guard when she didn't return my smile. She seems a little...off.

Her usual cheery posture was slumped down to the point where something really feels wrong. Her eyes showed no emotion whatsoever but her face seems to be struggling to keep the indescribable emotions to pour out.

Then all of a sudden it vanishes like it hasn't been there before and she grabbed me by the shoulder before shaking me with excitement.

"Good for you Levi! You're one step ahead to getting yourself a hot and hunky boyfriend!", she smacked my back playfully.

"Hey not too loud!", I tried to cover her mouth.

This feels wrong. I should be asking her what's wrong, not go along with this fake facade again.

I knew this situation very well. After all, it was only yesterday when the same thing happened.

Only that instead of Isabel, it was Eren.

"Hey, why do you have such a worried expression?!! You should be happy", Isabel grinned.

"I'm just wondering how to proceed from here on", I lied.

"Don't worry! Just let your heart lead you to a path that you know is right", Isabel shot me a thumbs up.

"Ah, sorry about this but I have to leave now. I would love to talk to you guys a bit more but I have library duty to do. I'll see you around", Armin said as he stood up.

"It's okay. Thank you for the info and sorry again for taking up your time", I replied.

"Ahaha, it's no problem!", Armin waved before making his way to an untidy bookcase.

"Oh it's nearly time to head back to class", Isabel pointed at the library clock.

"What class do we have next?", I asked.

"I think we have science", Isabel answered. "Aww, we're not in the same class for science".

"Calm down, we have other classes together today", I reassured her.

"That's true. Oh but you and Eren have the same science class", she winked.

"You better not shoot me with any of your cheesy lovey dovey science jokes", I warned her.

"Just for today I won't. But you better be making that love potion while you're in there to top it up a notch a bit", she chuckled.

"God damnit Izzy", I facepalmed.

-

Isabel and I had already separated ways halfway to our classroom. Her science class was closer from the library than mine so I had to walk a little more.

Though I'd wish that it would have been a more peaceful walk.

Unfortunately, Hitch and her bitch has somehow caught up to me. I remember that I had the same science class with those two shitty brats. I tried to outwalk them but they still caught up anyways.

"So you really are gay for Eren", Hitch snickered, annoyingly loud.

Lucky for me, there was barely any people in the hallway that we were walking in but even if there was, a measly rumor isn't gonna stop me.

"If you have time to stalk and eavesdrop me then I'm sure you'll also have enough time to step up your fucking game in whatever shit you're gonna pull this time in hopes of having Eren in between your shitty legs", I stated bluntly.

"Wow, you're really not gonna give up on him aren't you?", she laughed maniacally. "Shouldn't you be a little afraid. There are things that not even you could handle".

I knew that she would keep going until I give up on him. Hitch would continue this torment because she believes that right now I'm probably the only one that has a chance with Eren. But it's a shame for her, I'm not the one to give up easily.

Unable to deal with the shit she would pull today or tomorrow, I spun on my heels and punched the wall behind her, caging her in with one arm. My arms was about an inch away from making contact with her body. A small crack formed under my the skin of my knuckles that was beginning to tear open from the impact. Hitch stood there frozen like she just witnesses her own goddamned soul leaving her body.

"I don't know what the deal is with you but I couldn't give any fucks about how you want things to go your way. I've seen what you're capable of and if you think that's gonna scare me, you'll have to think again. I only have so much self control within me to keep me from physically harming your sorry ass. So back the fuck up or I'll continue to make you realise that there's an opponent that not even your rich family could win against", I growled.

Hitch physically trembled with fear in front of me. Even her bitch who was two steps away from us looked as if she was about to shit out her entire dinner from last night.

"Is that clear?", I hissed.

She nodded once before side stepping away from me and practically sprinting towards our science class with her bitch.

I knew that this was the only extent that I could do to stop her. If I harmed her in any way, I'll risk suspension and that would terribly affect my art project with Eren. Talking about suspension, here comes the principal.

_Oh shit!_

Principal Shadis exchanged glances at the wall and my hand and seems to have put two and two together.

"Please tell me you didn't punch the wall Mr Ackerman", he sighed.

I quickly thought of an excuse. "S-sorry sir! I um slipped a little and lost my balance and that caused me to subconsciously reach for something to refrain me from falling. Unfortunately if my hand was opened, it might caused my arm to break so I balled it into a fist and accidentally punched the wall. I'm sorry sir. I promise I won't do it again".

I was at the point where I was begging Satan to make my excuse believable enough.

"Oh I see. Well our school's janitor did tell me about the new faulty cleaning product that made the floor a little slippery when it's dry so I can understand. I'll find a way to fix it soon. Your safety comes first so I'll excuse you from breaking the wall", he nodded in agreement.

I mentally sighed in relief.

"Is your hand okay?", he asked.

"Oh yeah, it's fine. I gotta go to class now before I'm late. Sorry again", I apologized before making my way quickly to my class.

It felt like there was too much luck on my side today. Almost like it was a heads up to prepare myself for something even worse that is yet to come.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got your messages!  
> Hands up in the air if you're a part of the MM fandom too XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The future is in your hands,  
> But why is it out of our reach?  
> (Also a pun towards Levi's injured hand XD)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 CHAPTERS AFTER A WHOLE MONTH IM INFIRES  
> Oh Lord God Jesus help me :'D  
> EH JUST ENJOY THIS CHAPTER XD

I was so distracted with getting myself away from the principal and going to class that I have completely forgotten about the visibly damaged fist that made my right hand throb with pain. I was not gonna skip class to head to the Nurse's office in fear of bumping into the principal again.

I sat down at the back of the class like I usually do in every classes. I kept my injured hand hidden under anyone's eyes. But of course, I couldn't hide it from a specific pair of eyes that were bluish-green and gold.

Eren caught the sight of my battered up knuckled and his gaze was filled with terror.

"L-levi?!! What happened to your hand?", he asked, completely shocked.

"Oh, uh, it's nothing. Don't worry about it", I stammered.

"What if you get an infection? it might be just a small open wound but you still need to treat it", he said.

I was surprised at how caring he was. My heart was beating so hard that it felt like it was about rip apart my chest.

"Here, I'll take you to the nurse's office okay", Eren held his hand out for me.

"I don't want to trouble you", I said, only loud enough for him to hear.

"What's wrong you two?", the science teacher brought our attention to her, head tilted in confusion.

"Uh, Levi seems to be badly injured. I don't think he can endure today's science experiment in the state that he's in. Is it okay if I take him to the nurse's office?", Eren answered, looking a little fret.

I felt like laughing at the face of luck because heaven has answered my question. Today is really gonna turn out into an eventful one.

"Is this true Levi?", the teacher directed her gaze at me.

Well, how could I refuse when Eren's involved.

"Yes. Is it okay if we go?", I asked.

"Sure. Take better care of yourself okay", she said before dismissing us.

"Thank you", I said to Eren as we were making our way towards the nurse's office.

"It's no problem", Eren smiled. "Sorry I seemed like a worrywart back there. It's just a habit of mine. The people in my track's team gets injured all the time so it was my job to keep a lookout on anyone that got hurt. I've been doing it for quite a while now so it became a permanent habit of mine".

"You know, you're too kind", I laughed before tapping him lightly on the shoulder.

I was so lost in the moment that I had forgotten that I was using my injured hand to pat his shoulder so when my skin made contact with the fabric of his uniform, I flinched in pain.

"Ow, fuck".

"That looks really bad", Eren took my hand softly to inspect it. "What were you doing when this happened?".

I didn't have the willpower to lie to Eren or even come up with a story when my hand throb with pain every singular seconds.

"Hitch pissed me off today so I punched the wall beside her because I couldn't hit her. Even though her provocation can really overstep it's boundaries, I still wouldn't hit her. So yeah, that's what happened", I sighed.

"You really shouldn't waste your energy and hand over Hitch", Eren said.

"I know. Well at least she would steer far away from me for the time back after my little showcase of indirect violence back there", I chuckled darkly.

"Well, you got a point", Eren nodded.

We arrived at the nurse's office in no time.

Eren gestured me to one of the small hospital bed at the very end of the room. Since the nurse is away today, Eren decided fix my hand himself. As he dressed the bandage around my hand, tender and gentle, I can't help but think,

He's so close,

Yet so far away.

-

Isabel and I were walking aimlessly around school, waiting for the last few minutes of lunch break to end.

"Ugh! We have Physical Education last. I have no power left in me to do anything physical! My power has been drained away by those goddamned science experiments that were way too boring for my sanity", Isabel gruffs, crossing her arms.

"Calm down. You're over reacting. I'm sure PE won't be that bad", I stated.

"Says the one who just jinxed it", she pouted.

"I don't believe in that stupid shit  so don't start with me", I sighed.

"But I do! What's gonna happen to me?!!" Isabel exclaimed in terror.

"Goddamn It get yourself together. PE would be over in a pinch if you don't worry over it", I slapped her back playfully.

"Ah fine!", she groaned.

-

Remember what I said about PE and how I mentioned that it won't be that bad.

I take that back.

I take it the fuck back.

This is not okay.

I had to use all the remaining strengths inside of me to keep my cheeks from bursting with  multiple shades of red that seems to darken every time I stole a glance from behind me.

I have seen and heard about Eren's body but never in my life was I this close to it. I couldn't stop my thirsty eyes from sightseeing every inch of his body from his collarbone to his abs and all the way down to his V-line. And the fact that my mind was exploding with imaginations of what magic was hiding beneath those thin boxers was not helping me at all.

I felt close to nutting all over my fucking sport shorts.

After all that had happened, I forgot that PE involved changing rooms, half naked bodies and last but not least, a heavenly view of Eren.

In the name of freckled Jesus, please save my withered soul.

I was grateful that changing didn't take that long for all of us because I don't think I could keep Levi Junior at bay any longer.

-

“I feel like I’m about to bust a lung!”, Isabel cried out on her second lap around the school.

“One more lap and we’ll be fine”, I choked out between deep intakes of breaths. “Look, we’re in front of everyone. I think we’ve done pretty well”.

“That’s easier said than done. Look over there. Fucking Eren has already finished all his laps ten minutes faster than all of us and now he’s up to his second sets of exercises. This is fucking bullshit!”, Isabel groaned.

“Did you suddenly forget that he’s in a track team?”, I reminded her.

“It’s not just the track team that made him so fast. He’s so fucking well-built too! It’s not fair!”.

_Well, after what I just saw in the changing room, I can’t deny that._

“It’s not a competition so don’t get your panties in a twist”, I sighed.

“My panties are not twisting as much as your gut when you were changing that closely to Eren just a few minutes ago”, Isabel winked.

“Don’t start with me”, I glared.

“But I already have”, she smirked.

“You know what? I actually have enough energy in me all of a sudden. I’ll see you at the finish line”, I chuckled before picking up my pace.

“Wait, shit. Levi! Wait!”, she aimlessly waved her arms around, calling for me. “Forgive me I have sinned! Don’t abandon this pour soul!”.

“Just hurry up then”, I shook my head but slowed down anyways.

-

“Whew! It felt like I haven’t exercised in years!”, Isabel stretched her body out as far as she could.

“Good to hear you’re doing fine Miss Magnolia”, coach Rico stated.

“I’m doing swell Mrs Brenzka!”, sarcasm dripped from her tone.

“Yes, whatever. And call me coach Rico during PE classes okay”, she replied before examining the other students.

Isabel collapsed on the floor dramatically and actually caught a few worried expressions from here and there but she waved them off with a thumbs up. I kneeled down next to her.

“Hey”, I cringed at how different my voice suddenly sound.

“What’s up?”

“Are you okay today?”, I asked.

“What kind of question is that?”, Isabel furrowed her brows in confusion. “Of course I’m okay”.

“You sure?”, I can’t help but press on further.

She didn’t say a word for a little while before speaking timidly. “Actually, I’m not okay”.

I didn’t expect that.

“How can I be okay? I’ve never felt the strong urge to jump off a cliff after running those ridiculous laps! I’m not even gonna start with the extra exercises that we had to do after breaking our legs and motivations”, she groaned like she was in pain.

That, was something I expected her to say and of course she would say it.

“If you’re whining this much then you’ll surely won’t survive PE”, I ruffled her hair.

“Okay big bro!”, she laughed.

“Didn’t I tell you not to call me that like, a few months ago”, I squint my eyes in distaste.

“It’s not my fault that I miss it”, she chuckled.

“Ah whatever. Just save your breath”, I sighed.

Isabel rolled around the grass without a care in the world as she relished the remaining time we had to relax before we have to go home.

My eyes wandered around before stopping on Hitch and her bitch who was sitting far away from us near a big Saucer Magnolia. For obvious reasons, Isabel loved that tree mainly because it has the same name as her surname. For some reasons, Hitch seems to be taking out her anger on the poor tree and if Isabel wasn’t as tired as she was right now, she would have made her way towards Hitch in seconds and beat her to a pulp.

Unfortunately, the only strength that is probably left in her can only allow her to move a few inches at a time. It didn’t matter to me anyway because Eren did say that she’s not worth my time.

I plopped down on my back and decided to just join in Isabel’s mini rolling fest.

-

"Fucking hell!", Hitch threw her leg towards another helpless tree, kicking it with all her strength. "If only that short piece of shit didn't have a crush on Eren, all of this shit would have been much easier!".

"Calm down", Annie told her.

"How the fuck do you expect me to calm down?!! I just cowered over that little bastard. This is unbelievable. And the fact that Levi was the one who gave us two the nickname "Hitch and the bitch" makes this whole situation even worse", Hitch slammed feet against the tree, unforgivingly.

"Well, I do have a resting bitch face so that's probably how the nickname was invented", Annie shrugs.

"That's not the point. We need to find a way to put him back in his fucking place", Hitch hissed.

"Well, there is one more thing that we could do", Annie said.

"It has to be more that just a thing to put that bastard in his place", Hitch sighed. "C'mon. Tell me about it".

"We don't actually have to partake in much of the plan that I have set out. We just have to convince Levi that what he is hearing is the truth then the other person can do the rest of the work", Annie pulled out her iPod and lifted it up so the screen was facing Hitch.

"Is that a recording?", Hitch perked up with interest.

"I overheard a very interesting conversation today so I thought I should record it. I couldn't believe it either when I heard it", Annie plugged her earphone in and passed the other ear to Hitch.

"So you've found a way to make someone else do our own work for us without meaning to?", Hitch asked and Annie nodded.

Hitch giggled darkly and embraced Annie in a hug.

"This is why we're best friend! But again, I'm still confused about this whole thing".

"Just listen to it and I'll tell you about it", Annie said before pressing the play button.

Two different voices can be heard clearly from the earphone.

_"I don't know what to do"_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"No matter how strong I am, I don't think I can keep my feelings hidden any longer"_

_"Then let it out. You can't keep this from him forever"_

_"You don't understand Petra. Can't you see how much he means to him? I'm nothing special to him and I know I never will be. Even as I tell myself that, why did it still hurt when I heard that he's less interested in dating a girl?"_

_"Because no matter what you try to tell yourself, you can't hide the fact that you love him as much as he does. I know you feel like you owe him something but wouldn't you hurt him more if you keep this away from him for far too long"_

_"...I don't know how to do it. I just can't tell him"_

_"How about this, you'll have a month to tell him or else I'll do it myself okay. You have to tell him that you love Eren too even if you think that it's the wrong decision. Maybe once you tell him, you'll be able to work out a way to not make this situation as bad as it could possibly turn out"_

_"...o-okay. I'll try my best to tell Levi. Thanks Petra"_

_"No worries. It's the least I could do for you, Isabel"._

And with that the recording stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OUUUUHHH SHHIIIIIEEETTTTTT  
> THINGS ARE HAPPENING, FUCK!  
> Wait lol why am I the one sounding shocked XD  
> I'm the author lolololol


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this the part where I should quote "The Beginning To The End"?  
> We have arrived at the part of the story where the plot gets...  
> exciting?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING LATE TO UPDATE  
> ALL THESE PERSONAL LIFE SHIT MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT  
> But I'm happy that this chapter is longer than my previous chapters so far  
> Usually I could only write 5-6 pages but I managed to write 8 today.  
> Me is happy for now XD  
> Now go enjoy this chapter~!  
> (and it's also the first chapter with a POV change)

_I S A B E L_

 

Truly, it’s exhausting.

But what else could I do?

Everyday I’m reminded of the hopeless love I desperately clung onto when my eyes met with his.

The dull grass colliding with the luminous fuse of oceans and molten gold.

I love him, but I also care about Levi too.

This sinful jealousy that builds up in the pit of my stomach at a painful pace.

How his gunmetal eyes easily locks with the other even when he tries to look away.

They’re getting closer, day by day.

Behind the back of my dearest and closest best friend, I was the perfect picture of malevolence.

Hitch and her bitch wasn’t helping either in this situation.

Having to protect Levi from Hitch so she doesn’t meddle with his progress with Eren, it’s mentally excruciating.

I don’t want our friendships to disperse.

But at this state, my friendship with Levi and my feelings for Eren won’t be the thing that disappears.

It would probably be my will to live that would vanish.

And Jesus fucking Christ, I rather sprint my way down that path than having to live like this.

_What should I do? Oh fuck, what do I do?_

Life gave me the choices for me to decide but what if I turn towards Death instead?

Clouded with repetitive thoughts of negativity.

What are the chances that I’m gonna be free from this reverie?

_Fucking Zilch!_

-

“Damn”, Hitch chuckled mockingly. “This situation just took a 180° turn”.

“Damn right it did”, Annie shoved her iPod back in her pocket.

“But I’m still unsure of what to do with this useful information”, Hitch sighed.

“Didn’t I just say that I have a plan”, Annie furrowed her brows in irritation.

“Oh right, sorry”, Hitch chuckled. “So tell me about it”.

“Since I can’t deal with drama and shit, the plan will have to commence on the last period of school tomorrow so the aftermath can be dealt with only those two. I think we have art class last which for once allows luck to be on our side. Levi would probably be happy and shit after doing his project together with the _one and only_ Eren that period so when the class ends and everyone leaves the class, we’ll find a way to hold him back. We’ll think of something on the spur of the moment. And of course we’ll also have to find a way to keep Isabel back too”.

“Are you seriously gonna think that short stack would stay back if I told him too? God damnit, you were even there when he death-threatened me. I nearly fucking soiled myself!”, Hitch slams the sole of her shoe against the helpless tree, again.

“That’s why I’m asking them to stay back, not you”, Annie pulled Hitch away from slamming any parts of her body against the tree. “They probably don’t even know I exist, hence the _bitch_ nickname. They probably have never heard me speak so when I ask them to do something, it’ll probably be like some kind of shock factor to them. They’ll be all like _‘holy shit there must be something important if Hitch isn’t the one talking right now!”_ and blah blah _bleh_ ”.

“I’m not sure if I should feel insulted or grateful”, Hitch scratched her head.

“Eh, I don’t care”.

“Of course you don’t, Annie”.

“Whatever. Come on, we’ve been gone for too long”, Annie waved her over.

“Fucking hell, I know already”.

-

_L E V I_

 

Yet another afternoon spent at his house with me carelessly spamming the shutter button as I wholeheartedly took pictures of the brawny German right in front of me.

“We’re getting nowhere are we”, Eren did not state it as a question.

“Unfortunately, yes”, I sighed.

“Maybe I should try holding something meaningful”, Eren wondered.

Another hour was once again spent with me repeatedly capturing photos of Eren holding various items in his hands.

_Fucking hell you hot damn piece of shit, just be a model already!_

But any time spent with Eren was a moment that can’t be compared with anything else.

Every moments captured was perfect. Even the times when he wasn’t ready and yet I still pressed the shutter button anyway. There was something about coincidental captures of Eren that colours the image in my hand with _reality_. Something indescribable lingers in it but it felt so right to be there.

As usual, I went home when the sun was about to set and we promised to try and do a better job tomorrow (if possible).

Honestly, it felt like our time together is some kind of puzzle.

As much as I’m aware of how satisfying it is when the puzzle is solved, I also don’t want it to be solved.

I want to savour every microseconds of the time I had left with Eren, and maybe more if I’m lucky enough.

I want us to be lost in said puzzle and for time to fail it’s job at trying to wait till we finish this damn lovely puzzle.

I love him.

_So fucking much._

After doing my nightly routine, I dived under the covers and cheerfully went through all the pictures I had taken today. I tried not to feel like some kind of deranged stalker but you would think of otherwise when you see me with these sets of heaven sent gifts.

The one that caught my attention the most was one of the coincidental captures that I took today.

The film showed a clear image of Eren holding a picture frame with his mother on it. I was positive that there is no Thesaurus in this world that can describe the way his eyes glinted with numerous emotions.

_Fondness?_

_Love?_

_Longing?_

_Sadness?_

I didn’t even realise I was crying until the image in my hand became blurry. A sudden pang of loss hits me suddenly and the ability to ease it was out of my control. All I could do was weep against the poor fabric of my pillow as I thought of a mother that wasn’t there, physically.

-

“Did someone beat you up or something?”, Isabel scrutinized my face with worries.

“What? No. What makes you say that?”, I furrowed my brows in confusion.

“Look at yourself. Your eyes are a little puffy and the colour of your eyes seems to have darkened a bit. Also, you look more pale than usual and that’s a weird thing to say because you’re already as pale as Dracula. No actually, even you put Michael Jackson’s after-surgery skin to shame”, Isabel nodded.

“Oh shut up. You’re making a big deal out of this”, I waved her off.

“Did you have trouble sleeping last night”. _Bingo!_

Well, there’s no point in lying to her now.

“I couldn’t sleep well because...I was distracted with... thoughts”, my voice had gone quieter.

“Thoughts?”. We were whispering now.

“I just missed my mother”, I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

She kept her eyes on me, anguish filling her feldgrau eyes. As much as I found the colour beautiful, I couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling that bubbled in the pit of my stomach whenever we had a conversation about my mother. Silence was always the best for me when I needed to get over things but sometimes, not being able to acknowledge the elephant in the room can build up paranoia.

“Want a hug?”, she smiled and opened her arms wide.

I just smiled and threw myself at her, disregarding the confused faces of the surroundings.

-

The days felt like it was dragging itself a little longer than usual and it made me feel more restless. I even managed to sneak in a few quick naps during some of the lessons.

I was just looking forward to Art Class since being around Eren makes me feel alive again.

_Eren._

“I wouldn’t advise you to be thinking of him right now or you’ll probably daydream so hard that you’ll send yourself to a deep sleep”, Isabel nudged my side.

“Get out of my mind Isabel”, I huffed.

She just chuckled and shook her head.

“The teacher is just revising the same thing we learnt yesterday so just go to sleep and I’ll wake you up when the time comes”, Isabel patted my head.

I would have been irritated with the fact that she was touching my head like I just reverted to being a three-year-old child but I was too tired to think so otherwise so I planted my face on the desk and slept my worries away.

Though I tried to fool my mind to think I’m actually sleeping, I was merely closing my eyes and blocking out the irritating buzz (known as the talkative teacher).

A few minutes has passed and the variety of sounds booming around the classroom soon began to dull into soft unintelligible whispers. I could still catch a few words here and there but nothing else mattered right now.

I felt the weight of my body shifts until I felt weightless and the cheerful red head beside me began to disappear out of my line of sight and so did the rest of the class.

I was only thinking about how tired I am before I literally doze off.

-

“You’re finally awake!”, Isabel laughed.

“I’ve been awake since hours ago, what are you talking about?”, I yawned.

“Don’t worry, nevermind. It’s just that, you seem much more lively now than before”, Isabel said.

“Ah, I see”.

It’s true that the little nap I had in class did made me more reproductive but tired or not, I’m always 100% ready when it comes to art class.

I swear on my withering soul that me and Eren will succeed in this damn project no matter what.

We got to class fairly early but surprisingly there was already people filling up the classroom. Well I could understand. No one wanted to pass up the chance to go see the biggest Cinema screen in the world. Let’s not forget that the trip there is free.

_It’s fucking free! How good is that?_

I got myself seated and rested my chin on my palm as I watched the others get themselves seated in their assigned tables. Eren hasn't arrived yet so I took out a photography book that I borrowed from the Library today and began reading it in earnest.

Seconds turns into minutes and I could feel the minutes dreading to change into hours.

_Where is he?_

“Worried about Eren?”.

I was entirely caught off guard that my body left the surface of the chair I was just sitting on and dramatically flung off the chair. Miraculously, the fall activated my cat righting reflex so I was on all fours when I made contact with the floor, followed with a sigh of relief for two different reasons.

One, it’s the fact that I didn’t hurt myself.

Two, it’s just Hange.

The little commotion I created attracted the attention of the class. Hange waved them all off but I could see Isabel chuckling from my peripheral vision.

I sat back down and glared at Hange.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m just here to tell you about Eren whereabouts in private”, Hange said in a way that only I could hear.

“What is it Hange?”, I answered bluntly.

“Eren has extra club activities today so he won’t be attending art class today”, Hange patted my back.

I couldn’t stop the pout from escaping me so I buried my face in my hands.

“Don’t sit there and look like a lovesick puppy. C’mon, you have a project to finish”, they said before walking back to their desk.

“I know”, I said, more to myself than a response.

My focus switches back and forth between the photography dictionary and the pile of pictures of Eren that had surprisingly multiplied in numbers since yesterday. My mind felt blank and all I wanted now was for Eren to make a grand entrance and help me with this project.

After many attempts at trying to pry my eyes open so I could focus on the ridiculous incomprehensible photography book, I decided to just slam my face on the table and visibly melted on my work space like I had the sudden urge to just merge and become on with the damn thing and sleep my worries away.

_I must be that tired to come up with such an absurd imagination._

In the end, all I did was stare out the window like some kind of male high school protagonist of a cliché slice of life Anime. Watching as the clouds move ever so slightly as time gets wasted in this damn classroom without Eren. The vast open sky was rich in colour yet it was still dull compared to the multi colored ones I have grew to love from these past three years.

Being deep in thought made everything felt like it was at a standstill but the clock still ticks with every thoughts that raced through my mind.

-

I was thankful that the bell finally rang after what felt like a century.

“Wow, you look dead on your feet”, Isabel said. “You really need those extra sleep”.

“I know already”, I sighed.

“Can you even walk home in the state that you’re in?”, she asked.

“I can just get a ride from Hang-”, I stopped abruptly when I looked past Isabel’s shoulder and noticed that Hange had already left. “Actually, never mind”.

“Did you forget that they have staff meeting every Friday afternoon?”, Isabel grinned.

“Oh shut up. Let’s go home already”, I grumbled.

However, as I stood up from my seat, and hand tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned around to see who it was and feeling surprised would be an understatement.

“Uh, excuse me but, would you stay back for a little while. I need to tell you something”.

It was Hitch’s bitch. I’ve never talked to her and never wanted to since I don’t want to make contact with anything that has to do with Hitch so this was quite amusing.

“Huh? What do you want?”, I snap at her.

I was not in the mood for another bullshit and I’m sure it should be obvious by now how desperately I want to go home and have a long peaceful rest.

“It won’t take long”, Annie said.

“What makes you think he’ll stay and listen to you?”, Isabel squint her eyes in irritation.

“Stop being so persistent, she just wants to tell you something”, Hitch said, crossing her arms.

“Well we don’t want to do anything with you or your bitch”, Isabel spat.

“It’s _Annie_ , not bitch”, Annie replied calmly.

“Whatever”, Isabel rolled her eyes.

“Anyways, that’s not the point. I was asking Levi, not you”, she directed her gaze at me.

“I don’t have the time to deal with this shit so if you’ll excuse us, we have better things to do”, I stated before turning towards the door with Isabel.

There was barely anyone else left in the classroom except for the four of us and I really don’t like this type of settings at all so I’d rather leave.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy.

“Then you leave me with no choice then”, Annie said before pulling her iPod out from her pockets and pressing what seems to be a play button on her screen.

I could have ignored it.

I _should_ have ignored it.

But when I heard Isabel’s voice, everything halted to a stop for the second time today.

> _"No matter how strong I am, I don't think I can keep my feelings hidden any longer"_

What?

Hiding what?

As the unforgiving recording kept playing, I began to feel a new unwelcoming sensation of pain.

I felt my insides clench.

My heartbeat is erratic.

I felt so fragile that if someone were to touch me right now, I would shatter.

As if the day couldn’t get any worse.

> _“-I just can't tell him"_

It’s not real.

It can’t be real.

Hitch’s parents are rich right? They could have paid some professional actor to imitate her voice and make it sound like she’s saying it right?

> “ _You have to tell him that you love Eren too-”_

Isabel is my best friend.

> _“I'll try my best to tell Levi”_

She’s my best friend. She wouldn’t do that.

Would she?

Of course it can’t be real.

“What the fuck?”, I furrowed my brows in irritation.

I was so focused on the recording that I nearly forgot that Isabel was right next to me. I fixed my gaze on her and regretted it instantly.

She was shaking. Her features screaming out emotions I couldn’t decipher.

Pain?

Worry?

_Guilt_?!!

“If this is some kind of joke”, I hissed, directing it at Hitch and Annie.

But the response I got was not something I wanted to hear.

“I-I c-can explain Levi”, Isabel choked out in terror.

So that’s how it is.

“You’re not even denying it?”, I clenched my teeth. “That fucking recording is real?!!”.

“The truth is the trut-”.

“Shut the fuck up!”, I cut Annie off and he lips locked shut.

I stared at Isabel with disbelief and I can tell that she’s trying her best not to cry.

“Isabel, what’s going on?”, I asked, frustrated.

“I’m sorry Levi. I’m so sorry”, she apologized.

“You like him? You like Eren?”, I kept going even though I was painfully aware of what path I’m barely balancing on.

“I do. I don’t know why but I do. Please don’t be mad at me for that”, she begged and the emotions that she tried to hold in escapes from the corner of her eyes.

At that moment I didn’t even care when Annie and Hitch left the room in a rush like they were not a part of this at all.

I felt bipolar.

I couldn’t decide what I’m feeling right now.

I was just, frustrated.

“I’m not angry at you for that”, I turned my eyes away from her but I could still catch the surprised look she shot me when I say that.

“I’m angry that you didn’t tell me. That you kept this a secret for my sake”, I gritted my teeth. “But now I’m more mad at myself”.

“What?”.

“It’s the fact that I didn’t realise it sooner that makes this situation a whole lot worse. I was blindly falling in love and getting closer with him while I was oblivious that you were hurting. You are my best friend and yet I did something so horrible!”.

“Why are you making it sound like it’s your fault?!!”, Isabel shouted. “I’m the one at fault here! I’m the one who knew how much you love him and yet my stupid ass fell for him anyway! I’m the one at wrong here!”.

“What? You can’t blame yourself for falling in love with him!”, I shouted back.

“You know what, let’s forget all of this. This is getting no where. Just pretend none of these ever happened and we’ll spend our days like normal. Soon I’ll forget him anyway and I’ll fall for someone else. You can count on me!”, she shot me a fake cheery smile and every ounce of control skipped out of me.

“Are you fucking kidding me!”, I kicked the table next to me and she flinched back. “So you expect me to just pretend that I’m definitely not hurting my best friend until you don’t love him anymore? Are you seriously that stupid? I can tell how much you love him and there’s no way you can let these feelings go in a matter of days! You can’t just expect it to leave after a few weeks!”.

“Why are you the one getting angry? I should be the one being angry! Why can’t you just listen to me for once and do what I tell you! You weren’t the one who had to spent all her life mentally withering away as she watches her crush get closer to her own best friend! How she was part of the reason why they gotten closer! Having to live with sinful jealousy that began to spark up intrusive thoughts that always got to do with hurting you! Why can’t you do such a simple task?!!”, she slammed her hands on the table, her tear stained face glowed in the dim room.

I stopped talking.

I couldn’t believe that I was having this conversation with her.

I didn’t know how to respond. I was at a lost of what to do.

“I’m sorry”, the words left my lips faster than I could think about it. “I’m sorry Isabel”.

“Wait, no, I didn't mean to say that”, she covered her mouth, downright horrified.

“Friends comes first. I won’t stop you from getting closer to him. I’ll support you too like you did to me”, I forced a supportive smile.

“No, Levi, you can’t do that! I can’t take you away from him. You lost your mother already and I can’t watch you lose someone else precious to you again”, she grabbed my arm.

I softly pushed her away. “You’re precious to me too and I don’t want to lose you either. You’re the only best friend I have”.

After I said that, she began to cry a little more. That was the only sound that filled the room.

“You can’t-”

“I can”, I stopped her.

The silence was heavier than the words that was exchanged between us just a few seconds ago.

“I’m going home”, I whispered before making my way towards the door.

“Wait, Levi”, she called out, her voice unstable.

“I’ll see you at Monday”, I said and didn’t wait for a response before I rushed out of school.

I wiped the irrelevant tears away with the back of my trembling hand as I walked home. I couldn’t care less if I’m damaging my eyes by doing it so roughly. I wouldn’t mind feeling physical pain to dull the emotional pain.

I was more interested in the amazing fact that my legs are still able to hold me up after all of that.

_Who am I gonna lose now?_

The answer felt a little too obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me tear up a bit :')


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's like believing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel even though you're not in said tunnel in the first place.  
> As if too much happiness is odd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol when can my babies be happy? :')  
> I KEEP UPDATING LATE BCOS OF SCHOOL HUHUHUH T^T  
> I HATE SCHOOL ;//^//;  
> But other than that, here's a chapter for ya'll to enjoy~!

Now it all made sense.

_Oh how I wished that I would have realised it sooner._

But even if I did, _I wonder how that past version of me would accept it?_

I pulled out recent memories from many months and years ago.

I remembered how I revealed to Isabel that I had special feelings for Eren and she responded cheerily as always, promising me that she'll support me.

But I also remembered when I first showed Eren to Isabel back when she didn't know who he was and how I definitely did not miss the way her eyes sparkled when it fell on him.

Maybe that was when it all began?

Back then, it didn't really bother me as much as now.

No actually, it has always bothered me.

I thought she was just being a supportive friend by helping me get closer to Eren and doing all the Eren-related stuff with me. But I know now that she was doing it for both mine and her sake.

It was like I turned a blind eye on it but the truth was that she was just good at hiding it.

She was good at hiding everything to be honest but her flaws always overpowers her strengths, effortlessly.

All these thoughts were making me unwell and I predicted that I wouldn’t be able to hold myself up in the shower for as long as 5 or so minutes so I drew myself a bath. It’s a shame that the lukewarm water only continued to sting my bare skin instead of easing the physical and emotional pain I underwent today.

“So troublesome”, I grunted and pulled my legs closer to my chest.

A favourite habit of mine.

I could feel my fingers beginning to prune so I got out of the bath because I wasn’t in the mood to have bad health throughout this weekend from being in the bath for too long.

The sun was about to set and Hange is still not home yet.

_The staff meeting must have been dragged out. Oh well._

I threw myself on my bed the moment I got to my room but contemplated my decisions when I realised I haven’t put any clothes on.

_Tch…_

I was too lazy to get up again and the temperature’s pretty hot for clothes anyway so I just covered myself with my blanket.

_Ah, the weird things you do when you’re alone._

I was thankful that tomorrow is Saturday but I’m also anxious about the upcoming tension on Monday between me and Isabel.

To make things worse, I just remembered that my art project with Eren is still unfinished and it’s due next week.

Frustrated, I threw one of my pillows across the room, hard. It seems to have hit something and for a second I thought I broke an important object but it was just the sound of the pillow making contact with the play button of my old cd player.

_Lauv_ bounced happily around my small room as I had no choice but to listen to it.

He was a singer that my mother recommended me to listen to before she passed away though up until now, I haven’t listened to it in fear of bringing up sorrow memories.

She used to listen to him all the time, especially his _Lost In The Light_ Album that I used to know all the lyrics to. Sometimes she enjoys blasting said music throughout the whole house whenever I leave home for a while to go somewhere. It helped her get through her break up with my _shitty-excuse-of-a_ father that couldn’t take care of the family so he left us.

Though he did arrive at Mum’s funeral, I couldn’t really tell what expression he wore. Not that I could see anything anyway through the tears that I couldn’t keep in.

I was thankful that Hange adopted me because I couldn’t bear to live with that asshole.

I rested my arm above my eyes, willing everything to just _go away_.

I just wanted peace.

Wanted silence.

To pretend that I’m just a wandering soul in a body with no purpose but to rest atop this depressing bed.

As I close my eyes, the music became more vivid and the lyrics to  _Breathe_  made their way into me as I felt more restless as time goes by.

 

> _I've watched those eyes light up with a smile_
> 
> _River in the not good times_
> 
> _Oh, you taught me all that I know_

 

The ocean and gold clashing together whenever we got close. The slight change of colour when those evident liquid of emotions would form a barrier atop luminous colours.

 

_Why are you so beautiful Eren?_

 

> _I've seen your soul grow just like a rose_
> 
> _Made it through all of those thorns_
> 
> _Boy into the Man that I know_

 

Always so strong despite everything else.

 

> _And it's killing me, me to say "I'm fine," "I'm fine"_
> 
> _When I really mean, mean to say.._

 

I love you, _right_?

 

> _You're my all and more_
> 
> _All I know you taught me, yeah_
> 
> _You're my all and more_
> 
> _But I need room to breathe, yeah_

 

I choked on a sob and rubbed my eyes for what felt like the hundred times today.

“You are the only oxygen that has kept me alive and I’m not sure how to breathe without _you_ ”.

My small pathetic voice was drowned out by the music.

I let sleep take over me and decide whether it’ll be a dream or a nightmare tonight.

 

> _And this truth cuts not through one, but both_
> 
> _Not through one, but both of us_
> 
> _But it's deeper if I hold on_

 

_Can’t let go…_

 

> _Gotta breathe for me, it's now or never_
> 
> _Gotta breathe for me, it's now or never_
> 
>  
> 
> _I should leave, 'cause you deserve better, better_

 

_Need you. I love you._

 

_Love you…_

 

“Eren…”

 

-

 

“Hey sleepyhead. Wake up”.

I push the blurry figure away softly as it tried to pry my eyes open.

“Go away...I want to sleep a little longer”, I groaned.

“It’s twelve in the morning and yes, you certainly did miss out on breakfast and my signature noodles”, Hange shook me a couple of times.

“Fuck!”, I cursed.

“Such foul language in the morning is highly unacceptable”, they crossed their arms.

“Stop it. You’re not my teacher”, I rubbed the sleep off my eyes.

“Not today I’m not, but I’m still gonna get you out of bed even if it’s the last thing i’ll do”, Hange ruffled my hair.

“Yeah, yeah alright. You can stop now. I’m awake okay”, I sighed.

“Good! Noodles are on the dining table. Better eat it now before it gets cold”, Hange said before leaving my room.

“Thanks!”, I shouted but the buoyant tone I always had every morning did not appear today.

I forced myself out of bed and did my usual morning routine, emotionless and monotone. Even as I try to form any sort of emotion with my face, all there is was just, blank.

The stress caused me to brush my teeth aggressively and I caught Hange shooting me look of both concern and amusement. I chose to ignore it as always but soften my hand movements as silently requested but yours truly.

It didn’t take long for me to make it to the dining room and ate my noodles in content. Though halfway through finishing said noodles, Hange joined me.

“So, wanna tell me what’s wrong?”, they asked and I was caught by surprise.

“Huh?”.

“Is there something going on around you and maybe, Eren?”, Hange repeated in a much more painfully understandable way.

“What are you talking about? Everything’s fine”, I cringed at how obviously stupid that statement was.

“Really now? Care to explain why you were listening to _Lauv_ all night long at a pretty unsettling volume—well, to my ears that is. And also explain why your eyes are all red and puffy like you definitely did not cry an ocean. Were you trying to beat the amount of water that the Pacific Ocean had or something?”, Hange stated.

I was about to open my mouth to probably spout another bullshit but I saved myself the trouble and released a heavy breath.

“Yes, alright. You got me there”, I laughed, humourless.

“Wanna tell me about it?”, Hange asked.

“I’d rather not”, I replied bluntly.

They shot me an annoyed pout but chose to let the topic go.

“Fine, but if there’s anything you need from me, I’m here okay”, Hange smiled.

“Thanks mum. I could do with a hug right now”, I said, returning her smile.

Hange stood up to make their way to me but was stopped by Heichou who decided to jump on me and dropped to a nap right on my lap.

“You damn kitty. There’s only so much things you can call a bed”, I grinned and patted her.

“Looks like Heichou beat me to it”, Hange laughed and Heichou purred in satisfaction like she understood it all.

Hange came closer before wrapping us both in their arms and I couldn’t help but stress that this peaceful atmosphere would never last as long as I wanted it to.

-

The weekend felt like it ended in a click of a finger and I was shook. Not because I didn’t get to oversleep again (which sounds incredibly nice at this point).

It’s school. There could be so many things going for and against me today and I’m not prepared for any of them. I’ve never dreaded Monday so much in my damn life.

“Ah fuck!”, I pulled the strands of my hair taut as I fall under pressure.

“You won’t accomplish anything if you just linger around in your room Levi”, Hange called out from downstairs.

“Ha! You’re wrong there Hange. I did accomplish to swear in the morning without being scolded”, I chuckled.

“Ah damn, okay you win this round. See you at school then”, they said before closing the doors behind them with a satisfying click.

“Yeah, school”, I sighed.

I tend to Heichou’s needs before leaving the house. All of a sudden, it felt as if I was more focused to my surroundings than usual. The crisp smell of the morning invaded my nostril and the air felt lighter than usual. Almost like I was above the clouds.

After a few moments, I realised that I was actually walking towards Isabel’s house rather than the school.

_Habits die hard doesn’t it. Enhanced focus be damned._

From now, things wouldn’t be the same anymore and I need to learn to move on.

_No matter how much it kills me._

-

Today is gonna be _that_ bad.

I haven’t even walk like 5 steps inside the school building when I already spotted the bitch duo with my peripheral vision.

Without the least of hesitation, I walked up to them and demanded their full attention.

“So how do you feel about what you just caused, _Hitch_?”, I gritted her name out.

“Huh? What are you talking about?”, Hitch chuckled nervously.

“Alright then, you can play dumb while I ask dumber over here”, I switched my glare to Annie.

“I was only showing you the truth”, Annie shrugged.

“Of course you would. For her sake right?”, I laughed and pointed at Hitch. “You are her bitch after all”.

“Hey! Don’t hurt my best friend!”, Hitch growled.

“I could tell you the same fucking thing you goddamned whore!”, I shouted back at her and Hitch stepped back in alarm.

“I hate to say this but I’m actually grateful you told me the truth about Isabel but still, how dumb could you be? Did you think that breaking my friendship with Isabel will get your hormonal body closer to Eren? Are you stupid?”, I hissed.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”, Hitch furrowed her brows in frustration.

“You can play innocent for as long as you want but I’ll only say this once and you better hear it. I might not get any progress with Eren after the shit you pulled but just so you know, now you’ll be the one being put in the spot again as you watch Isabel get closer to Eren”, I stated bluntly and Hitch’s eyes widened.

“Watch as the person you attempted to sabotage get much closer to your crush because of you and your bitch’s handiwork. And I’ll make sure you watch till the very end and you know why?”, I smiled maliciously. “Because she’s my best friend”.

Hitch just stared at me in horror and I can’t help but feel some kind of sad accomplishment. And to add the lilliputian cherry on top of the ephemeral shit cake is Isabel standing there just a few steps away. She probably heard the whole thing but I don’t care because I wanted her to hear it anyway.

I turned around to walk away from the annoying bunch but I glanced back to shot them a chilling smirk.

“You’re not the only one with the secrets Annie. Maybe it’s my turn to show you both something too but unlike you guys, I don’t hurt people for a living. So I’ll just remind you Annie that you’ll be nothing but a temporarily useful bitch to Hitch if you keep them tooth-rotting feelings of yours hidden for too long. Am I right? Annie Leonhart”, I chuckled, revenge dripping cold from the tip of my tongue. “Or even better, Annie _Dreyse_ ”.

I watched as Annie’s face played a set of alarmed and fearful emotions. Once again, the build up of that sad accomplishment was very satisfying.

I left without another word and wondered what I have become after all of this.

Why there was this lingering fear of...myself?

-

“Levi?”, Eren’s voice brought me back to focus.

Reminding me that I’m still in class and that there’s irritating work in front of me.

_Though working with Eren is actually pretty fun if I must say so myself._

“Yeah?”, I replied.

“Are you okay?”.

“Huh?”, I tilted my head in confusion. “What do you mean by that? I’m fine as always”.

_Well, not quite. But I can’t say that out loud._

“I don’t know. You just look a little…”.

“Tired?”, I finished for him.

“Yeah, that”, he ran his lithe fingers through those soft locks of his.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m fine, don’t worry”, I pushed these lies out of my throat with ease.

“Alright then”, he smiled.

Right after that the bell rang and I was surprised at how fast the day was going.

“Are you coming again this afternoon?”, he asked.

“Yup!”, I smiled.

“Alright, I’ll see you then”.

“You too”, I said.

_Ah, I thought so._

_Despite everything I said._

“I really can’t let him go can I?”, I whispered loud enough so only I could hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does it hurt so much to place our lovely babies in a heartbreaking situation? :'D
> 
> P.S. does any of you know Lauv by the way? I'm sorry I just love his music I can't help but add it to the fic bcos it fits so well lolololol
> 
> The music used is Lauv-Breathe


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even a tissue can help with your issue now since it's so thin :')

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want ya'll to forgive me for two things.  
> 1\. THE LONG PERIOD OF TIME BETWEEN THE NEXT UPDATE  
> 2\. And the content of this chapter that makes total sense (probably) with the summary  
> Please enjoy;;  
> You know which train to board.  
> THE FEELS TRAIN

It was almost like an unmentioned battle between me and Eren on who feels the most discomfort right now.

Like usual, his dad is at work and Mikasa is in college —hence the reason why it’s quiet but it never felt so painful before that it makes you want to burst into tears.

I didn’t have the strength to wear my nonchalant mask today and I was out of ideas of what to talk about. We’ve been sitting on his couch for half an hour now and the only noise that we could detect is the soft whistling of the wind when it seeps through the cracks of the house.

Honestly, I love the silence, but now I’m contemplating that decision.

But I feel a little grateful for it because the silence always helps me perceive something I haven’t before, that’s probably why I’m so attracted to it. I’ve realised that whenever I’m near Eren, any type of physical or mental discomfort seems to perish for the time being while I’m around him. Any trace of pain seems to be replaced with a warm fuzzy feeling that people get when they’re besotted towards someone.

_ Sometimes I wonder how much I really love him. _

I felt like a hypocrite now. After saying all those things to the bitch duo and Isabel and still having the guts to strengthen my feelings for him anyway.

_ Would I really be able to let him go? _

_ Am I really prepared to see a future of Isabel and Eren together? _

_ Where would I stand after all that? _

“Levi? Are you okay?”, Eren snaps me out of my reverie once again.

“Ah, yeah. I’m fine as always”, I forced out a smile.

“You sure?”, he asked. 

The way he said that whilst pursing his lips with worries made my heart skip a beat.

“Yeah…”, I repeated.

“It’s just that...your posture seems to be screaming out the word  _ fatigue _ as clear as day”, Eren said and before I could mutter a word, he leaned closer and connected our forehead.

_ Oh mY GOD! _

“You’re a little warm, maybe you’re coming down with a fever”, he whispered and my face bursts with multiple shades of red.

_ Close! Too close!  _

_ What is happening all of a sudden? Is this strange action something that is formed from the tension during the silence? _

_ But shit, his eyes are so fucking majestic! Dear Jesus what did I do to deserve this?!! His beautiful fucking lips which are just a few inch away from my own just sated a thirst that I didn’t know I had. _

“Woah, you’re really red right now. Are you sure you’re okay?”, he scrutinized my face, our skin still touching.

“I-I”m f-fi-fine! Y-yeah haha”, I stuttered and internally face palmed.

“Levi?”, he said and all I could remember was getting lost in his eyes before feeling instantaneously weightless.

-

I woke up to an annoying weight on my right hand that was almost completely numb because of it.

“What the-?”, I got up abruptly.

“Ah! You’re finally awake!”, Hange chuckled and left my right arm.

I blinked a few times, trying to process everything at once. “ _ Wait,  _ how did I get here?”.

Hange fell back laughing like a lunatic hyena whilst I sat still, utterly bewildered.

“You don’t remember anything?”, Hange chuckled and I shook my head.

“Well apparently, after Eren checked your temperature and ask if you were okay, you collapsed straight after and Eren was so shocked that he went into the trouble of carrying you home bridal style and rapidly banging on my door once he got here like it was his mission for life!”, Hange giggled and I wonder if they even took a breath between saying all that.

_ Wait, WHAT?!! _

“He did what?!!”, my eyes widened and my blush decided to make another comeback.

“You two looked like a married couple whilst he carried you all the way home. It was such a scene!”, they laughed even more.

“Oh my god’, I cradled my head in embarrassment.

“But seriously, you should be more aware of your own health. If something feels odd, don’t ignore it okay”, Hange lectured me in a serious tone.

“Yes  _ mother _ ”, I sighed.

“Good, now I’m gonna go prepare dinner so sit tight”, they said before leaving my room.

I lean back dramatically on my back followed by a groan as I’m still processing everything that just happened.

“Ahh, why is everything so troublesome”, I said, painfully aware of the fever that’s ever so slowly taking over me.

_ Maybe it’s the ridiculous amount of stress that I’ve been through that made me end up like this. _

I rolled on my side and just stared at the empty wall directly across from me. I couldn’t stop the image of Eren’s kissable face clouding and filling my mind. I tried to think of something else but he was just so close back then that if I were given a task to draw his face, it would most likely be so detailed that it would surprise myself too.

I use all the power left in me to replace my thoughts of Eren to something else but that ended up with me thinking back to Isabel’s confession and I instantly regretted it. 

It was almost like I was blind and after I found out about her true feelings, it felt like I could see for the first time. Aside from the happiness of being able to see, I also wished that I stayed blind.

_ Because the truth just hurts more than it should no matter how much I tell it to fuck off. _

I tend to focus more on my surroundings as if my vision were to just swim out of focus slightly, everything would fall apart. I was so blind to the fact that there was so much more people that has feelings for him just as much or more than I do. I ignore the way girls surround him wherever he goes and the way some boys hide behind any object they could get their hands on just to see him smile every day.

I didn’t cast a glance at the courageous ones who can go up to him and begin a conversation like they were born to do so. I didn’t let the way those disapproving eyes bother me when me and Eren got partnered up for the art project.

I relied on Isabel too much and my ignorance made our friendship so ephemeral.

_ Has love always been this complicated? _

-

_ I S A B E L _

 

I realised that Levi isn’t here at school today. 

I heard from Hange that he suddenly caught a fever and couldn’t attend class in the state that he’s in. They offered me to visit him if I wanted but I lied and told her that I got something coming up this afternoon.

_ I’m guessing that she doesn’t know yet. _

But either way, I don’t think I could ever face him after all that has happened. The fact that we haven’t talked to each other ever since our conversation last Friday hurts me more than realising that me and Eren would never be a thing.

_ Why did I have to fall for him? _

No, the real question is…

_How_ _did I fall for him and_ ** _why_** _?_

It’s all my fault and four days has already passed and yet, I still don’t have a solution to it.

I made my way to the bathroom to splash some water on my face since it always makes a little better sometimes but before I could make it there, a hand stops me on my tracks. I whipped around to see who it is and my jaw dropped.

“You’re Isabel right?”, Eren asked.

“A-ah yes!”, I said a little too quickly.

_ Why is he talking to me? _

“I was just wondering if Levi’s okay and you’re the only one I could ask since you’re his best friend”, he chuckled nervously.

_ Ah, I see. _

“Sorry but I was surprised to hear that he was away today too so I don’t have any information to tell you”, I smiled but it felt way off.

“Ah I see, sorry for bothering you”, he apologized.

“Oh no, it’s okay”, I held up my hand in assurance.

“Thanks”, he said before leaving.

Once he left, I didn’t move or even budge. When I talked to him, I kept my eyes on him and really looked at him closely. Yes, he was damn attractive but nothing about his feature fits into the question of why I love him. His personality is nice but that wasn’t the answer either. 

_ What’s going on with me? _

I turned on my heels and ran to the person that was there for me when Levi couldn’t, or when I can’t discuss it with Levi. I spotted Petra without any difficulties but it seems that she was also making her way to me, fast. Her mouth was slightly open like there was so much that is needed to be said.

And I was right.

She closed the gap between us and grabbed my shoulder with a horrified look.

“Isabel, I’m sorry that I lied to you”, Petra apologized and I stood there dumbfounded.

I’ve never had two people apologize to me in the same day but that was the least of my worries.

“Huh? What do you mean?”, I tilted my head in confusion.

“What I said before about the feelings you have for Eren”, she began and stops me before I could reply. “I lied to you because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings but I realised that it hurts just as much to lose the only friend that you deemed precious after sticking with you for all these years. I was a bad friend for making you believe in a white lie that didn’t even took it’s time to turn black”.

I was completely lost and my brows furrowed in exasperation.

“What I’m trying to say is that the feelings that you have for Eren isn’t love”, Petra stated. “Your feelings are none other but a perfect definition of lust”.

At first, I couldn’t put together the information that she’d given me but it only took me a few seconds before everything clicked into place and I froze. I was the one who was blind all along. 

“I fucked up didn’t I”, I choked out a sound of guilt, loss and pain.

To represent something that I could never take back.

-

_ L E V I _

 

I was glad that I was able to make it to school the next day or else I would have gotten myself into the trouble of getting a medical certificate for being away for more than a day. But I also felt like jumping off a reasonably high cliff for remembering that our art project is due this Friday.

Which is the day after tomorrow.

I couldn’t even find it in me to eat at lunch break since me and Eren hadn’t finished our art project, let alone even started it. Thanks to me for also collapsing on our second last afternoon to work together on our project. This afternoon is the last time we could work on it and we have to finish it because he has an urgent club activity tomorrow afternoon so he couldn’t arrange a time for us to work on our project.

I spent the rest of the day stressing about our art project and no matter how hard I think, I was clueless.

And to top things off, I had to see something that made me wish I was born without a vision or the knowledge of what certain things are supposed to look like.

I walked past one of Eren’s class that I wasn’t in since I’m in the more advanced class for maths and whilst he was unpacking his bag, I saw a pink quartz envelope and a familiar name scripted in cursive on the front of it.

I halted in my spot and felt my eyes water a little at the realisation that Isabel’s name looked insanely beautiful in calligraphy, especially when it’s written by Eren.

I snapped a clear picture of it for proof when no one noticed and held it close to my chest as I was in a trance of whether I should feel happy or sad that I finally know what the future holds.

_ This is it, right? _

-

Our last lesson was PE and after I swiftly changed into my sports uniform, Eren taps me on the shoulder to ask about the last afternoon we have to work on our art project.

Without hesitation, I lied that I had something urgent coming up that I couldn’t pass up and cancelled our afternoon meet and he looked shocked. I didn’t even stay to hear what he has to say back and left the changing room in a flash.

_ Maybe this was the perfect time to make him resent me. _

_ After all, I have nothing else to  _ **_lose._ **

When I left the room, I saw Isabel running up to me with an expression that looks like she was about to burst into tears.

“Levi I’m so sorry, please forgive me-”, I stopped her mid sentence.

“Don’t worry I forgive you”, I smiled, my lips quivering.

“Huh?”, she seems taken aback at what I just said.

“I’m happy for you Isabel”, I stated as a matter of fact.

“No Levi please, listen to what I have to say”, she begs and I shook my head.

“No Isabel it’s okay, I’ve already forgiven you. It’s all in the past”, I said and wondered why she’s like this all of a sudden.

“No Levi you don’t understand! It’s about Friday and about what I said-”, I stopped her again.

“Yeah I know and I believe you. That’s why I’ll always support you like how you supported me”, I patted her shoulder.

She opened her mouth to say something else but stopped abruptly when I showed her the crystal clear photo that I took today and shock would be an understatement.

“No way”, she muttered in disbelief.

I walked closer to her and hugged her. “I’m happy for you”.

Yet I still wonder why she looked so sad and terrified after what I just showed her.

_ Isn’t this what she wanted? _

She hugged me back and I could feel her tears seeping through the cloth of my uniform and I expected her to express her happy reaction towards the picture but instead it just made me feel like the world is ending.

“Fuck, Levi I’m so sorry. Please tell me this is a lie. Tell me it’s a lie, just like my feelings. That this isn’t true, just like my feelings. This could not be happening because of the so called feeling that I believed I had. I fucked up. Show me how to take it back. Give me a solution to fix it like you always do”, she cried into my shoulder, not caring about the inquisitive stares around us.

“What are you talking about?”, I asked, unable to form any other words.

“I’ve ruined everything. You’re the only one who deserved Eren and my sorry ass fucked it all up”, she choked. “Forget what I said earlier, please don’t forgive me. Find a way to kill me, if possible”.

My mind is vulnerable at the face of something that I knew I couldn’t stand against with emotionally or physically. 

It picks up lyrics from songs and reads it aloud as if that would make it more bearable. A lyric from  _ BTS _ appears. A fitting title named  _ Love Is Not Over.  _ Yet it mentions that…

 

> _ Love hurts so bad, _
> 
> _ So bad. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Love is so painful. _

 

Is that really a relevant reminder?

To re-understand something I already knew?

Or was I once again blind in the name of Love.

 

_ It hurts. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that I'm an ARMY yet? No? Well infires man.  
> Bangtan blessings for the small individuals.  
> But other than that, I'm someone who loves mysteries and as you can see I wonder if some of you have realized a few things in all my chapters that is plot relevant but can easily be missed if you aren't looking closely.  
> Sorry I always go in depth into most things lmao.  
> But I want to see how you all perceive the 'BOLD' words.  
> Hmm?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _As your Luminous Lover. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to apologize for the delay in updates due to irl problems COUGH fucking school COUGH but I'm happy that ya'll are still sticking with me and following on all the way till the fic ends.  
> I want you all to read already so without further ado, Enjoy~!

Unfortunately our PE teacher broke the small arduous atmosphere that we have created with the typical worry look that makes it seem like she genuinely cared if anything even happened to us.

_ She’s just doing her job that she gets payed for. We are merely another name on the list. _

“Are you two okay?”, she asked.

As always, Isabel always had my back like she always did.

“Ah sorry, my stomach just hurts a little”, Isabel lied.

And as always, I play along with her lie.

“Yeah. I’m a little worried so is it okay if I take her to the Nurse’s office”, I half-begged with pleading eyes.

“Alright, but don’t take too long”, she said before commencing the lesson to the other student.

I can feel Eren’s unsettling stare that didn’t numb the dull ache that is repeatedly stabbing me somewhere I couldn’t heal. I ignored his equivocal signals and kept my eyes forward, heading towards the Nurse’s office.

Fortunately, said office wasn’t so far away which saved me the trouble from walking because I wasn’t sure if my feet could hold me up for any longer. 

We practically threw ourselves inside and I slumped on the nearest bed available, a heavy breath escaping me. No one was around which I’m thankful for but it didn’t ease the discomfort of having to sit down to hear what Isabel has to say. 

I closed my eyes, exasperated. “Go ahead”.

“I’m sorry-”, I cut her off.

“I don’t want to hear an apology. I’ve heard enough already. I want you to talk to me about all this and tell me the truth only”, I turned to face her. “Talk to me as a rival, not a friend”.

“No Levi, I was never a rival. I never was”, she stated. “I never loved him either and I’m sor- I mean, I didn’t mean to have taken this long to realise it”.

“So you don’t have any feelings for him?”, I gritted my teeth.

“No”, she shook her head. “I just believed that I did when I didn’t”.

I leaped off the bed and felt myself began to seethe.   
“Then why would you say all that? Why did you fed me those lies then?!! How the fuck do someone make themselves believe that they love someone else when they don’t? What the fuck is wrong with you?!!”, I growled.

I saw her flinch multiple times as she swallowed hard. “You have every right to be mad. I know”.

“What do you know huh?”, I snapped. “All this time, I’ve been avoiding him and giving him harsh treatments that he didn’t deserve. I did it all for you because I’m a decent fucking human being that chose my best friend over the one I love”.

My breathing was erratic as we stood there in silent, slowly wrapping our heads to the things that have been shared between us.

“I was scared”.

I looked up to her skeptically and halted in shock as I watch her vision blurs with emotional liquids.

“I was scared of losing you. You were the only one I had and I thought that if you two were a thing, I wouldn’t matter to you as much as he will. My selfishness has brought us here and I fucking hate myself for only realising it now. For realising that I would have lose you anyway no matter what I do because I was bound to fuck up somewhere during our perfect friendship. I’m still as childish as ever aren’t I?”, she sobbed. “I don’t care if you’ve had enough of hearing the same goddamn thing but I’ll say it again because I truly mean it. I’m sorry. And whether you would forgive me or not is your choice alone”.

She scrubbed her eyes like a child, the gnashing of her teeth evident in the quiet room.

I suddenly felt exhausted from everything. I just wanted to lie down and sleep. It would be great if I didn’t wake up after that but life's a bitch and I would see it to the end with a broken heart and a bleeding body.

I took a few steps, only enough to reach Isabel and pulled her to a hug. She didn’t tense or seem surprised, she only returned the embrace.

“I’m sorry it has come to this. I’m sorry that Eren had to fall for someone like me”, she whispered against my shoulder.

I shook my head. “It wasn’t your fault. Eren’s feelings is his own and he can do whatever the fuck he wants to do with it. Our actions doesn’t dictate how he feels and he probably have already liked you way before we found out. Maybe he was just too shy to confront it. Isn’t that cute”, I chuckled but it came out as a hoarse groan.

“Then I’ll reject him”, Isabel stated.

“That’s up to you”, I said, no longer caring about the subject revolving Eren anymore.

“And we’ll have to end this friendship”, she added and I froze.

“What?”.

“I can’t hurt you anymore than this. I don’t want to take my chances and ends up hurting you again somewhere in the near future. I don’t deserve someone like you. You’re just too amazing and if one day I would become the reason of your pain, I’d rather let you than believe that I’m the best friend you’ve always needed and wanted”, she sniffled.

“You can’t just leave me like this?”, my voice cracked.

“I don’t want to. Fuck, you don’t know how much I want to stay with the only best friend my sorry ass didn’t deserve. You are meant to be promised with so much more happiness. Believe me, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend if I must say so myself”, she smiled. “So go find one. Disregard my feelings right now and think about your own”.

I bit my bottom lip, exasperated. 

“I won’t treat you any differently and I’m still your friend but I could never become anything more than that. From now on, I’m just another friendly classmate”, she croaked, aimlessly rubbing her tear-stained face.

I closed my eyes in defeat and felt my own tears roll down. “O-okay. Fine”.

“Promise me one more thing before I go”, she said and I looked up at her. “No matter what happens I want you to let Eren know your feelings for him. I don’t care how you do it but he deserves to know that he was loved and still loved by an incredible person that he should be lucky to have if you gave him the permission to be his”.

“Why?”, I whispered.

“Don’t question it and just do it. It’s my last request for you. Will you accept it?”,she asked.

I didn’t feel like putting any thoughts in it since I knew that time is easily slipping past our fingers like sand.

“Of course I’ll do it”, I smiled, shaking.

“Thank you”, she beamed.

She spun on her heels and dashed out the door. I closed my eyes and felt and saw nothing as I crumbled to the floor.

“Fuck you feelings”, I hissed and slammed my fist against the cold floor.

“Fuck...you”.

-

I dragged myself home with unresponsive legs and a heart that was bound to end me sooner or later. I pushed opened the wooden door to my house so hard that I probably broke the hinges in the process. This caught Hange’s attention but I stopped them before they could talk and force myself in their embrace.

“Levi? What’s wrong dear?”, Hange eyed me with a worried look.

“Nothing. I just want someone to cry on”, I croaked.

The door behind me slammed closed and I lost myself to the watery screams that tore out from my throat. Hange wrapped their arms around me tight and softly patted my head as their clothes slowly absorbs the tears that couldn’t stop flowing.

I can’t wrap my head around how fast things could happen and that there is no way I could stop it.

In one day, I had to deal with Hitch.

Another day, I had to hear about Isabel’s ‘ _ feelings _ ’ towards Eren.

Another day, I was so stressed out that I even made Hange worry.

Today’s another day and I lost my best friend.

And probably when another unforgiving 24 hours of time has passed, indicating itself as another day, I’ll lose Eren too.

_ Just like that. _

I was too tired to even realise that Hange had carried me to bed and all I could feel was the warmth that is doing a poor job at subduing my pain. I closed my eyes and wished that this was all a dream but I’m aware that there could be nothing more lucid than reality.

“I’ll call the school and let them know that you won’t be able to attend school tomorrow okay”, Hange caressed my cheek.

“Thanks mum, I love you”, I gave them a weak smile.

“Do you want me to give you an extension for you art project?”, they offered.

“No, it’s alright”, I sighed. “I want to sleep now, is that okay?”.

“No worries then. Sleep well”, they pecked a kiss on my forehead before leaving the room.

I’m lucky to have a parent like her. 

Many people believed that there is always someone that are worth dying for but I also believed that there is also as much people in this world that are worth living for.

I closed my eyes and succumb to my endless fatigue. Having to breathe in this vulnerability made me weaker than usual. I felt a little nauseated and my back was starting to ache.

_ Was I always this weak? _

I ignored the distractions, willing it to go away.

Sooner or later, I gave in to sleep.

-

 

> _ She tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and watched me with fondness that I could never beat. _
> 
> _ “Sometimes I wonder how I gave birth to such a beautiful boy”, she smiled. _
> 
> _ “I’m not beautiful”, I frowned. _
> 
> _ “You may not believe that you’re beautiful and that’s okay. I think you’re handsome too. The most handsome of all”, she chuckled. _
> 
> _ “I like handsome”, I muttered. _
> 
> _ “Good”, she kissed the top of my head. _
> 
> _ I rested my head above her soft breast and relaxed under the sound of her heartbeat. _
> 
> _ “Hey Levi”, she whispered. _
> 
> _ “Yeah?”. _
> 
> _ “If there’s ever a time where hardships gets the best of you and you ever feel like giving up, I want you to think of something or someone that is worth living for”, she said. _
> 
> _ “What do you mean?”. _
> 
> _ “Ah, sorry dear. You might not understand that right now at the age that you’re in. What I’m trying to say is that, if you ever feel like giving up, set up a goal for yourself that you can reach. It will help you to persevere”, she smiled. _
> 
> _ “I still don’t understand”, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and she laughed. _
> 
> _ “Don’t worry”, she giggled. “You’ll understand soon. Just promise me that you’ll live for as long as you can no matter what happens”. _
> 
> _ “Okay, pinky promise?”, I held out my smallest finger towards her. _
> 
> _ “Yes, we promise”, she connected her pinky with mine and shook it slowly. _
> 
> _ “We’ll live till we are both as old as the stars in the sky”. _
> 
> _ And though she said all that, she left a while after. I never knew where she disappeared to or whether it was possible if I could see her again. We couldn’t grow old like the stars in the sky.  _
> 
> _ The stars that shines in the dark is for me, young and alive. _
> 
> _ The stars that has burnt out became yours, old and dead. _
> 
> _ So I’ll promise that as long as I’m breathing, _
> 
> I’ll live for you mother.

-

I woke up on my side with my face freshly tear-stained and covered with deep marks around my body that indicates that I had a decent sleep. I looked at the clock and saw that I have overslept since the hour hand is now on eleven o’clock in the morning. It didn’t bother me since I’m not going to school anyway.

I rolled on my back and covered my eyes with the back of my arms. The cool breeze entered from the window and I enjoyed the calming morning chill. The smell of light lavender fragrance lingers in the air.

I walked around the house aimlessly, searching for food to distract me from any unwanted reveries. I ended up serving myself a cup of butterfly pea tea and a small loaf of Hokkaido milk bread. The combination of the two was delectable and I would rather be lost in consuming mouth-watering sweetness than to remember the pain of yesterday.

I cleared off the table and made a beeline towards Heichou — who is absorbing the early morning sun —before taking her to my room. I wanted company and that's what she’s for after all.

She decided to nap beside me on my bed while I stared onto the ceiling. I thought about tomorrow and how my selfishness will cause Eren’s own grades to skyrocket itself deeper than the crust of the Earth. I frowned at the amount of hate I would probably from his damned fan club for doing such a thing. Though they wouldn’t bother me as much because they say how I dealt with Hitch and they are painfully aware of what type of shit they’re dealing with.

_ I need to stop hesitating. _

An idea clicked onto me and I jumped off my bed the moment it all fitted into place and grabbed my laptop, along with the incidental photos of Eren. There was no more questioning and this time I want to follow and believe what my heart is telling me to do whether the latter might be bad. I’ve made a promise with Isabel and I will accomplish it no matter how I do it.

_ It’s her last request as my best friend. _

That night, I worked on the project by myself. I ignored my restlessness and the way my vision blurs when I accidentally concocted up memories of us when I looked at the pictures in my hand. Photocopying, editing, formatting, all that stuff. I’ll put my heart to the project I’ve been working hard on.

I’ve already lost many precious things so...

_ What else is there for me to lose? _

I may not be able to tell him how much I love him so there’s no point in that. I’ll do it in my own way without having to say those three  _ words _ .

 

_ I’ve confirmed it a long time ago that my feelings are true, _

_ This is my confession to you. _

-

Friday beamed with the warmest sunlight this week.

The class began to fill with students, each and all of them shaking with nerves at the realisation that the art project was due today. I can still feel the way my heartbeat changes rhythm when my eyes falls on Eren. 

“Hey”, he said.

“Morning”, I replied bluntly.

It felt heavy when we both didn’t even try to initiate some type of conversation and just watched in silence as students presents their own project one by one. Isabel and Farlan did an inspired painting of  _ Van Gogh’s Starry Night  _ using colours that complements the original piece.

It was nearly our time to present. I heard Eren sigh beside me.

“Looks like this would be the only subject that I’ll miserably fail in”, he grumbled.

“What are you talking about”, I said, playing innocent.

“Well first of all we didn’t even finish our project and you had something ‘ _ urgent _ ’ to do Wednesday’s afternoon and wasted our last time that we had left to work on our project and yes I’m sorry that I had club meets yesterday but you weren’t even at school either so it makes no difference and-”, I stopped him and slapped a UBS on his chest.

“You’ll die if you don’t breathe between speaking”, I chuckled.

“Huh? What’s this?”, he held up the USB to inspect it.

“It’s our art project. I managed to finish it all last night”, I said.

He seemed shocked and astounded but it then turned into a horrified look followed by a gasp.

“Is that the reason behind the dark bags under your eye-”, before he could finish his sentence, he was cut off again but by Hange this time — calling our name.

“That’s our name, let’s go”, I forced a smile.

“But I didn’t even help you with it”, he exclaimed, worries evident in his face.

“It’s okay, just trust me on this. All you have to do is change the slide when I wave my hand so what I’m about to say will make sense with what’s projected on the screen”, I assured him.

“But we were at a lost of how we should pursue the photography idea. What did our project end up as?”, he asked, skeptical,

“You’ll see”, I whispered, leaving a lot more emotions to my words that what I had intended.

_ Just watch closely Eren and I’ll show you the real me. _

_ Not as your project partner or as your friend. _

_ But as the person that have loved you for all this time. _

**As your Luminous Lover.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm emotional now :')   
> COMPLETELY DEHYDRATED  
> Excuse me while I go serve myself some tea and motivational quotes for writing the next chapter XD


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I Love You ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to apologize for not uploading in so long please forgive my sorry ass :')  
> I promise to do better~! *sniff*  
> But anyways thank you for still supporting me until now and I won't keep you for any longer so please enjoy the chapter you've been looking forward to!  
> We're finally halfway through the story~! (Yes, we're only halfway XD)

Every step I took felt heavier than the last but this was gonna be the last ever effort I would have ever put in to the person I love the most.

_ But I’m still not prepared to lose him. _

I clenched my fist and concealed the tremble that threatens to show and swallowed hard as we finally reach the front of the classroom. I could feel our classmate’s eyes boring into us, one from the many were different though. It was Isabel. From here I wasn’t able to see what expression she was holding or what emotion she was feeling but I wanted her to be happy because today I’ll fulfill her last wish as the bestest friend I could ever ask for.

I watched as Eren plugged in the USB to the laptop and clicked on the only folder that was in the USB. The projector opened the Powerpoint presentation and the screen was filled with images that halted Eren to a stop. His finger stilled upon the cursor as his polychromatic iris scanned over the digital screen that was covered with only a single slide filled with all the incidental pictures I took of him. The genuine captures of himself caught from the past few days.

The classroom scanned the screen and nearly half of them seemed like they were trying to recollect themselves after seeing such beauty. I agree with their sentiment if I must say so myself. As I finally caught everyone’s attention, I stood in front of the screen and smiled.

“Our project was based on Photography and we decided that we wanted it to focus on a single human which is our model here, Eren”, I gestured his way and heard a few girls in the classroom create a variety of quiet high-pitched squealing.

I could see the faint blush that appeared on Eren’s cheek which he shook off with a dominant smile.

“Since this is an art project, we wanted it to make it meaningful to the point where it captures people’s attention easily just like how I captured pictures of Eren. To intrigue someone to the point where they can’t help but call it art. That was our main goal but it ended up being such a difficult objective to achieve”.

Eren nodded with a knowing chuckle.

“Then right before the day the project was due, I remembered an acronym that was passed down the ‘Graphic Design’ unit from a university that my mother went to because she herself loved art very much”, Hange eyed me a silent concerning look after I mentioned my mother but for the past few days I’ve been through hell and back so I promised myself and the people I care about to stay strong.

_ No matter how long it takes for me to be finally fixed after being broken by the same thing, over and over again. _

“The acronym was  _ KISS  _ which was an abbreviation for ‘ _ Keep It Simple Stupid _ ’ and just by remembering that I was already on my laptop working on this one significant slide”, I moved aside so everyone could fully see the content on the screen.

“With the most  _ quality  _ Polaroid camera that I was lucky enough to use, the days where we get to work on our project together was spent with me aimlessly smashing the shutter button as the lens focused on many different images of our model before becoming a physical copy that piled up as days went by. We tried the meaningful slanted angle, the variety of available filters and took pictures on many different places and occasions but we just couldn’t get the story across. Then I was reminded of the pictures of him that I took when he wasn’t ready or was even aware of his own surroundings”, I lifted my chest with pride as Eren seems to slowly get where I was going with this.

“The genuine faces and showcases of emotions here is a hundred percent pure. Now if we go back to square one, we all remember that this is an art project right. So then let me ask you this question”, I made eye contact with as many students as possible. “What is art to you?”.

Soft murmurs of different opinions were shared around the classroom but only lasted for a while so they could let me continue.

“I ask myself this question too and my first thought was that art was something that’s beautiful. Something that would make you flip the pages of a dictionary to search for the perfect or better word other than beautiful to describe said masterpiece. That’s when I re-asked myself the same question and realised that in the end, that beautiful masterpiece was always right in front of me all along”, I turned my body so it was facing Eren and I could hear his breath hitch.

Soft knowing gasps bounced around the small room, with a small strained sob coming from a certain familiar red-head.

“Feel free to argue with me but this is my opinion. To me, Eren is the most beautiful masterpiece. Handcrafted with the love from a mother that watches him from above with pride. To be able to see a smaller version of yourself after months and months of physical and emotional torment. On the 30th of March a powerful mother gave birth to an art like no other, all with her own strength. But there was always something wrong about the masterpiece. It was only beautiful when it had nothing covering it. It was never finished whenever that unbreakable barrier made sure to enclose what was beneath it. Day by day he was like an art covered in translucent glass, blurring the artwork beneath that sturdy enclosure. Living a life that was almost not his own. But here”, I waved at the numerous genuine photos I took of him. “This is all pictures of a bare masterpiece without that artificial mask that had succeeded in blinding so many. Here, I think he’s truly smiling. For example, the image that I purposely made bigger than the others in the slide is a capture of Eren looking at a portrait of his mother. At this moment he isn’t pretending to be happy so he doesn’t concern the others. He isn’t silently wishing that he was somewhere else so he can relax his expression. He’s living the moment with genuine happiness, looking at the person that got him to where he is now. Gratitude for everything she went through just to keep him alive. This is...for real”.

The students face lit up with awe, every each and one of them. I was worried that the sappy shit coming out of my mouth will get eyerolls for how cheesy it is but right now, it was as if everything I said has made an impact on every single person on the room. Even Hitch looks deeply intrigued.

Eren on the other hand, was indescribable. His eyes was both light and dark in colour as if he was lost in his own world without a way out. Completely lost in a cryptic reverie.

“This is the art being presented as it truly is. Without filters, editing, extra decorations and all that. This is a completed work by the hands of a women with an innovative eye. So today I present you this masterpiece. This is art to me and I hope you will all find it just as beautiful someday. Thank you for listening to our project”, I bowed and blinked away emotions that was close to leaking.

But before they could all flood me and Eren with applause, I straightened myself and locked my gunmetal eyes with Eren’s luminous ones.

“Also, I have seen you behind and beyond the pretence that no one could see and now that I have exposed the beauty behind said disguise, It’s also right for me to no longer hide my own feelings behind that similar fa çade ”, I took a deep breath and smiled as something dripped from the corner of my eyes. “I’ve always loved you”.

He stood there expressively, lips forming a thin line for what seems to be a variety of emotions hitting him all at once.

“That’s all I needed to say”, I tried my best to conceal the crack in my voice.

_ Why couldn’t I rid this feeling of rejection when I’ve tried so hard to accept it all this time? _

I closed the file and unplugged the USB before making my way back to my seat, eyes locked away from the numerous bewildered glances that bounced around the room. I didn’t even have the strength to cast a glance at Isabel. I sat at my seat and realised that Eren was still standing in the same spot looking completely stunned.

“Eren are you okay?”, I heard Hange whisper to him.

That seemed to get his attention and he chuckled nervously.

“Oh y-yes I’m fine haha”, he stammered before turning to the class. “Thank you for listening to our project”.

The entire class hollered with scattered applauses but at that moment all I could hear was nothing. Even Eren’s behaviour didn’t bother me. 

I felt nothing.

One second I was putting my heart out for the world to see and the next, all I wanted is to be anywhere else but here. I didn’t even flinched when Eren finally returned to his seat and kept my gaze on my trembling fist that was resting hopelessly atop my thigh.

The moment the bell rings to signify that it was the end of the day, I dismissed myself without hesitation whilst also maintaining to control myself from running out of the classroom.

My vision caught a slight movement just a little to my side as if something was trying to reach out to me but couldn’t quite get the job done. I shook it off and kept my focus on getting out of this damn suffocation. 

_ But why did that movement almost perfectly resembled Eren’s hand? _

I exited the classroom and didn’t cast a single glance back, ignoring the red-head figure that got herself in front of Eren and was looking like she’s about to give him a piece of her mind. I shook it off and kept walking even as my legs begs me to stop.

-

I let my feet take me as far away from this school as possible. Even as these difficult emotion began to continuously burn at the back of my skull, I kept moving forward with heartache. 

It was a feeling that I haven't felt ever since my mother passed away. But that sad emotion was later healed by the words of the person that I've loved so much. 

_ And to think that I would feel it again from the same person who helped me recover from it once. It truly was tragic.  _

I shook my head to erase the thoughts that clouded my mind and only then did I realise that I was walking the wrong way and instead got myself to the very back of the school gymnasium instead of the exit. 

"Fuck", I cursed under my breath. 

I suddenly became very aware of the silence to the point where I could detect the heart-rending beats of my heart that was shattered by it's creator. I trapped my bottom lip between my teeth in frustration and willed the emotion that threatened to leak. I exhaled deeply and directed my gaze at the sky and reveled in the way that gloomy open space matches the colour of my eyes.

I internally wished that it would rain then maybe I would be able to find a distraction. And in the rain,

_ There is so much that I am able to hide. _

I sighed and turned on my heels to make my way out of school but I halted with an involuntary gasp when I was faced with a worn out Eren that is struggling to breathe.

“Eren?!!”, I exclaimed in shock and felt myself back away a few steps.

He finally looked up at me when he got my attention. 

“Sorry I didn’t know where you were so I ran around the whole school looking for you”, he explained.

My eyes widened and I didn’t know whether I should focus on how happy that made me feel or how confused I was to the point where it’s physically and emotionally painful.

_ Why? _

“Because I haven’t responded to your confession”, he answered softly and I realised that I have said that aloud.

I pressed my lips together to cease my trembling lips from making me falter.

“You weren’t meant to”, I muttered.

“Huh?”, Eren shot me a skeptical look.

I shook my head almost violently. 

“Ah it’s nothing. Save yourself the trouble, it’s alright”, I sputtered. “Please e-excuse me”.

I tried to push past him but he got a hold of my arm, knowing full well that he has better reflexes than me.

“Please wait-”, Eren pleaded but I cut him off.

“No, please let go of me. I don’t want to do something I’ll regret”, I tried to pry my hands away but he was determined to not let me go. “So let go”.

“What are you talking about?”, Eren said as I avoided his gaze.

“It’s already hard enough right now to let go of you and I no longer want to be deceived by false hope anymore”, I sputtered and couldn’t believe that I was letting the truth fall from my mouth as easily.

_ I can’t handle this anymore. _

“Why are you trying to let me go?”, Eren’s grip softened and there was a slight difference in his tone.

“So it wouldn’t hurt as much when you reject me”, I admitted and dropped my gaze. 

I snatched my hands back and started walking away but in mere seconds I was pinned against the back of the school’s gymnasium.

“Stop trying to run away again”, Eren faced me head on.

“Why? Why are you holding me back? Are you really set on wanting me to hear your response?”, my voice dripped with exasperation.

“Yes, I do. So hear me out-”, I stopped him a second time.

“No”, I stated. “I already know your answer so I’m leaving”.

“Then if you know my answer why are you trying to run away from me!”, Eren’s voice suddenly rose and I flinched.

“There’s no point in staying if you don’t feel the same about me!”, I growled and Eren looked taken aback.

“What makes you say that?”, Eren asked.

“Huh-”.

“I do like you”, he pressed a finger to my lips. “I’ve always seen you as more than a friend and have that feeling that people have when they are deeply infatuated with another”.

Eren connected our foreheads together and repeated, “I like you”.

I felt my eyes water and as time ticks by, there was only so much I could hold back.

“No you don’t”, I whispered as a tear slides down my cheek.

“What?”, Eren pulled back and studied my face, looking discomposed as he couldn’t catch the tear that was continuously flowing.

“This was Isabel’s scheme wasn’t it? There’s no way you could ever like me”, I stated bitterly despite weeping in front of him.

“What are you talking about?”, Eren began to lash out.

“I saw what Isabel did before you left the classroom. Isabel must have had convinced you to like me didn’t she. She can be very clever with her words sometimes so I can understand but I won’t let you unseeingly fall for me with a blindfold made of lies that escaped her lips”, I lift my chin up and pushed him away.

“So you’re telling me that my feelings for you are fake?”, he hissed.

I erased the tears with the back of my hand and nodded but winced when his voice rose with anger.

“How can you tell me that I’m blind when you’re not even looking through this situation properly? Do you really believe that I would easily fall for someone just because someone convinced me to? Are you actually that stupid?”, he growled.

“Why are you screaming at me?!! I know you don’t like me!”, I shout back.

“And what makes you say that!”, he exclaimed.

“You think I haven’t saw that love letter that you wrote for Isabel sticking out of your damn bag!”, my voice rose with emotions I didn’t know I was capable of having. 

“Could you stop jumping to conclusion-!”, he replied back with a harsh but stopped midway as he watched me hid my face behind my hands.

“Ah! I don’t care anymore”, I screamed against my skin. “It doesn’t matter anymore! Why would someone like you have feelings for me anyway? I’m no one significant. I’m nothing compared to the countless of human beings that has walked past you. I’m just a guy who could never give you happiness in the end anyway because I’m unable to bear a smaller version of you and if we were together we’ll end up dying as the last bearer of our last name. I just...I just really don’t deserve you”.

My knees gave out beneath me and I fell to the floor, sobbing weakly against the palm of my hands. I was tired. I just want it all to end already.

_ Please end it. _

I heard a slight shuffle in front of me but ignored it and kept my face covered. I could hear Eren kneeling in front of me but I kept my gaze away. Until gentle hands found mine and before I knew it my face was on his embrace. Our eyes locked for a single moment before he leaned in and pressed his lips on mine. My eyes widened, my tear stained cheeks wetting his own.

He pulled back and scrutinized my face with fondness. 

“Can’t you see  _ Levi _ ?”, he murmured. “I do love you”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write because I wanted it to really make an emotional impact because this is one of the two important parts of the whole story.   
> Let's continue our journey then~


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's your definition of happiness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME TO APOLOGIZE AND HOLY FUC K IS THAT LIKE TWO MONTHS WITHOUT AN UPDATE OH MY-  
> I  
> *sharp inhale*  
> AM SORRY.  
> i'LL BE SURPRISED AND GRATEFUL IF SOME OF YOU STILL AWAITS FOR AN UPDATE FROM ME OH MY GOD.  
> I DONT DESERVE FORGIVENESS *SCREEECHHHH*  
> It's just that I've lost interest in Ereri :') BUT I PROMISED YA'LL THAT I WILL FINISH THIS AND FOR MY ABSENCE THERE'LL BE TWO CHAPTERS TODAY WOOHOO (That's not enough i know please bear with me RIP)

Love.

What even is that anymore?

Why do I falter over such significance that only needed a syllable to be said aloud.

Why is it that whenever it’s form falls from his lips I am left to question its existence.

_ Why has it been so hard lately? _

My entire body shook, emotions coursing through my veins as if they threaten to break open my skin to physically showcase my inner turmoil. Yet the way he holds me kept the pace of my breathing steady even when I’m on the verge of breaking down. 

_ Spot the lie.  _ I tell myself.

_ Can you find it?  _ I tell myself.

_ No,  _ I couldn’t. Because it was me who confirmed that sincerity. 

As if he could read my thoughts.

“Look at me”, he said.

As if he could see through me.

“Lock your sight onto mine”, he said.

As if he knew.

“Do you believe me now?”, he smiled.

Because he does and he can. That’s why I leaned forward. That’s why I returned his smile.

That’s when our lips met once again.

The pressure gentle, oxygen finally refilling my lungs.

_ Bliss. _

I pulled back, doubt dripping from the tip of my tongue even when I knew the answer.

“Do you really?”, I croaked.

“Yes”, he chuckled. “I love you”.

I heard the sob left my lips as I fell in his embrace and let it wreck over me. 

“I love you too”, I tugged on his uniform as my lips tremble. “I love you so much”.

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, our tangled figure lying comfortable behind the eyes of others. 

“I’m happy to hear that”, he rubbed soothing circles on me as my tears dampen his blazer.

I wasn’t aware exactly when my energy left me but I couldn’t find the will to care as I drifted away on his chest. In his arms and with my trust, I am  _ safe _ .

-

My eyes flutter open a while later and when I tried to move, my movements were seized by the hold of the boy that I loved so much.

“Ah, you’re finally awake”, Eren smiled.

I rubbed my eyes and let it adjust on the not so familiar environment.

“Where am I?”, I tilted my head up and felt myself blush at the close proximity that we’re in.

“You collapsed after confessing to me and I didn’t know what to do so I brought you to my house and well…”, he averted his gaze as his the colour of his cheeks matched mine. “I didn’t want to wake you up so I placed you on my bed and you looked so peaceful and cute while you were asleep so I decided to cuddle with you”.

It was almost as if my cheeks just rose to an impossible temperature and might even burn anything upon contacting it. 

“Oh my, Levi are you okay?”, Eren cupped my cheeks with an expression laced with worry.

“I’m f-fine”, I stuttered and internally face palmed at my shaking assurance.

“You sure?”, he cocked his head to the side, utterly skeptical. “You’re a profound shade of red”.

“Well of course I’ll be like this after h-hearing you s-say something like t-that!”, I mid-shouted and cringed at the pitch of my tone.

Eren stared at me for a moment before breaking into a fit of laughter, leaving my dumbfounded self to shoot him a weird look beneath his arm’s embrace.

“I didn’t know you would be this cute”, he chuckled and prodded at my cheeks.

“Oh my god Eren stop”, I pouted and he just continued to ring laughter through my ears. 

“And isn’t it a little weird that we’re already sleeping together when we’re not even officially dating yet?”, I asked him and his cheery expression was replaced with a knowing look.

“Now that you mentioned it…”, Eren scrunched his brows, a habit of his that occurs whenever he’s in deep concentration. “So how do we make it official then?”.

I wandered for a little before opening my mouth to reveal a small voice I didn’t know I had. “Maybe...another kiss?”.

Our cheeks were flushed with identical burst of deep rosy colours. He wrapped his palm around my shoulder and leaned closer. My eyes shut close in instinct. As the sound of our palpitating heartbeat rose in volume, our lips met for the third time today. 

He pulled back and we relished in the moment where we just studied each other’s face. A smile crept up on both of our faces before we were laughing against each other’s hold in a series of whole hearted giggles. If it wasn’t for this significant moment, the sounds escaping my lips would have been deemed embarrassing. 

“You’re just as beautiful as you were three years ago, or maybe you’re more breathtaking now”, he whispered and my eyes widened.

“You...remembered”, my mouth gaped open in astonishment.

“How could I forget? There’s only one person in this world whose grey eyes spoke more colours than any paint shops I’ve stumbled across”, he giggled.

“Are you even making sense anymore?”, I joined in his laughter.

“Who knows”, he said. “I do feel rather poetic today”.

“Oh yes, please engulf me in your vocalized words of romance”, I winked at him.

“Are you initiating something?”, he smirked and I was instantly red in seconds.

“Wh-what?!! N-no!”, I stuttered.

“I’m just joking”, he laughed before his fingers met my waist to do movements that elicits a good collection of both screams and laughter from me.

“Wha-! Eren! Are you tickling me?!!”, I gasped in horror between shrieks of laughter.

“You’re ticklish?”, Eren chuckled, not ceasing his movements.

“Ere- Haha! W-wait stop right t-there I’m- Ahahah hah!”, I squirmed beneath him.

We were so distracted by our own commotion that we didn’t notice the fact that we were nearing the edge of the bed and as soon as I was nearly out of breath, what was meant to best a soft surface became the edge of the bed which my hand miraculously missed, causing us both to dramatically tumble out of bed.

Our bodies fell as a heap on the carpeted floor as Eren’s refined body pinned me to the floor. He steadied himself and dig his palm into the floor beside my head to lift himself up into a position where he could peer at me from above. Our legs were in a mess as it interlocked with one another to the point where we couldn’t move. Our eyes connected, silently expressing unvoiced emotions. After a few seconds passed, we erupted in a fit of laughter that left us in stitches and our voices filled the entire house. 

“Oh my God Levi are you okay?”, Eren managed between chokes of breath.

“I could ask you the same thing”, I shook my head and gasped for air.

Eren collapsed beside me as we composed ourselves and filled our lungs with the oxygen that we wasted on laughing at the most ridiculous things. We turned our heads so our eyes could meet again and smiled.

“I love you so much”, I chuckled and intertwined my hand with his.

“I love you too”, he breathed and squeezed my hands gently.

-

Our afternoon were spent with us sharing numerous of things. We were lucky that none of Eren’s family members were here to witness the hilarious calamity that just took place in this room in the span of a minute or less. The pressure of the wind separated his curtains into two to let the soft thermal rays of the sun to penetrate through the opened windows, engulfing us in a steady atmosphere that was not too hot nor too cold. 

“You look so happy right now”, Eren chuckled.

“As if you’ve never seen me happy before”, I retorted with a snort.

“No, you look the happiest right now”, he nodded.

I stared at his eyes and smiled.

“Do you know how much I’ve dreamt and pondered over this moment? The nights I spent wishing to a figure beyond the heavens for us to be more than just friends. I don’t even know if God existed, hell it was like talking to a brick wall. But I’ve never stopped believing in us and look where we are now”, I intertwined my hand with his. “We’re happy, together”.

Eren laid motionless for a while and his eyes glistened with awe.

“Oh my God Levi”, he laughed and shook his head. “You’re gonna be the end of me I swear”.

Their laughter ceased with the shrill ringing of a phone that had Levi’s right thigh vibrating. He brought the screen to his face to see the caller’s ID only to be taken aback when it’s Hange.

“Oh fuck”, he cursed.

“Who is it?”, Eren asked.

“It’s my parent”, he replied before answering the phone. “Hi Hang-”.

“ _Yo son where are you!_ ”, their cheerful voice rang through his ears for a few good seconds.

“Ouch!”, I winced and Eren chuckled as I glared at him.

“ _Sorry haha! But still, where are you? It’s already late in the afternoon. Your project was amazing today by the way_ ”, I could just hear their wink over the phone.

“Thanks and um…”, I kept my eyes locked with Eren. “I’m in Eren’s house”.

An exaggerated gasp could be heard through the phone and I instantly regretted my answer.

“ _Do you want me to bring you a change of clothes? Some toiletries? A condo-_ ”.

“Wait no! Hange what the fu-! No, no oh my God stop!”, I facepalmed and nearly lost grip on the digital block I was seriously done with.

Eren lost it then since he could hear what was said on the phone because it’s quiet in his room. His laughter transferred through the other end of the receiver and Levi groaned.

“ _See! Even Eren thinks I’m funny_ ”, they laughed.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go home soon”, I shook my head and slammed the end call button before they could sputter another taunt.

“I didn’t know our art teacher was your parent, they’re the best”, he wiped a tear from his eye from his burst of laughter.

“God just take me home already”, I sighed.

“It’s Eren, not God”, he winked and I groaned against the palm of my hands.

“Damn it how did I fall for you”, I shook my head.

“Who knows”, he giggled. “C’mon, let’s get you home now”.

We stood up but I winced from the sharp pain that elicited from my back.

“Ow! Did I just suddenly turn 50 or something?”, I hissed and Eren shot me a worried look.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

“I’m fine, my back just hurts. It must’ve been from falling off the bed”, I shook my head in disbelief.

“Sorry about that”, he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

“It’s not your fault calm down”, I assured him. “Now take me home”. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ereri and fluff goes well together if I must say so myself ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you know what an hourglass is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOI HERE'S THE DOUBLE CHAPTER FOR YALL WOOHOO

Eren ended up carrying me all the way home after worrying about my back and despite my complaints, I enjoyed it quite a lot though.

Hange welcomed us both in with a mischievous grin and I rolled my eyes.

“Oh my, what did you both get up to now that Levi has lost the ability to walk?” Hange smirked.

“For your information we fell off the bed and my bones are now brittle so don’t even think about spouting what you think we did”, I warned them and Hange let our their Hyena shrill that still terrifies me up to this day.

By the looks of it, Eren seems equally terrified by his profound nightmare.

“Alright whatever you say. Now pass me my baby”, they held their arms out and locked me into their embrace the moment I left Eren’s warmth.

“You’ll see him again at school stop pouting”, Hange prodded at my cheeks and I flushed at the realization.

“I did no-!”.

“Thank you for taking care of him”, Hange bowed in gratitude as I squirmed in their undoubtedly strong hold.

“No problem Hange-sensei”, he smiled.

“Skip the pleasantries. Just Hange is fine, my future son in law”, she winked.

“O-okay Sense- I mean Hange”, he chuckled nervously and I cursed under my breath.

“I’ll see you at Monday Eren”, I waved him goodbye as he returned my temporary farewell.

“See you”.

The moment the door clicked closed, Hange dropped to their knees as I follow suit with a shocked gasp. 

“What th-”.

“So is it official?!!”, Hange grinned from ear to ear. 

“What d-do you mean?”, I averted my gaze. 

“Does my precious Levi have Eren as a boyfriend now!”, they said it more as a statement than a question. 

“What does it look like to you?!!”, I flushed. 

“Awe my baby has grown!”, Hange threw their arms up in the air and fucking hollered. 

“God damnit! First of all, I'm not your baby and second of al-”, my sentences were cut off as Hange suddenly hugged me and before I could complain, I heard Hange released a breath of emotions that ceased my movements. 

“I was so worried y’know. After that speech, you didn't come home until late afternoon. I didn't call you because I trusted you to be home but my worries reigned victory the longer I waited. I'm just grateful that everything turned out better than it is”, Hange laughed and I couldn't contain the tears that dripped from my eyes to soak through their baby blue blouse.

“Thank you Mum”, I hugged her back. 

Their embrace got a little tighter and I visibly yelped in pain. Hange pulled back almost immediately and her motherly figure has suddenly broke the scale. 

“Oh my God Levi are you okay?!!”, they shrieked. 

“Calm down I'm fine”, I assured them quickly. “I did fell off the bed”.

“Okay, how about this. I'll take you to the doctor tomorrow”, Hange suggested. 

“What for? It's no big deal”, I shrugged. 

“Hush now, I'm still taking you. You've also been collapsing a lot recently and I'm guessing that it's just fatigue but I want to make sure you're okay”, they stated. 

Unable to argue in fear of hurting the other’s feelings, I nodded and they hugged me again before pulling back swiftly after remembering about my withering bone structure. 

“Oops sorry”, Hange apologized as I chuckled. 

“Don't worry about it. Let's go eat now. I'm famished!”.

-

Tomorrow came around in a heartbeat and I’ll be looking forward to it’s end until Monday rolled around. Never in my life have I ever looked forward to Monday until a certain brunette came into my life for the better. I shook my head to erase the thoughts before my cheeks shifts into a brighter shade of crimson. 

The scent of antiseptic is something of my liking for the inner clean freak that I am but being unaware of the core reason why I was brought here in the first place does not ease the growing anxiety that pools in my stomach. I tried shifting my worries to Eren and that only got me in a reverie of gay thoughts that would leave me in crimson for a few good couple of hours.

I was thankful that my name was finally called out before my thoughts could shift into other topics that could either be bad or good for me. I stood up to follow after the blonde man whom is our trusted doctor for any medical needs. He was also one of the surgeons who took part in trying to save my mother’s life but to no avail. He wasn’t at fault though of course and her fate was beyond their control but he still couldn’t contain his guilt whenever he’s around me.

Though in the more optimistic side, he’s almost like a family to us since we’ve known each other for almost five or more years. Despite being physically attractive for his age, he was still single and lived by himself after he moved out from his carer’s roof. Now that I think about it, Hange has gotten rather attached to him. But that’s another story for a different time.

“So what brings you here today Levi”, Erwin led us to a consulting room and seated himself behind a desk.

“Well you see, my dear Levi seems to be unwell rather lately”, Hange patted my head and I rolled my eyes.

“Can you describe any noticeable symptoms?”, he activated his computer and let his fingers own the keyboard the moment the screen lit up.

“Well apparently, Levi fell off the bed yesterday and now he’s having minor abdominal pain and back pain”, Hange snickered and I glared.

“It’s not funny you know”, I pouted.

“Haha I see”, Erwin chuckled.

“He’s also been collapsing quite a number of times recently and it’s probably just fatigue but I wanted to make sure that it’s nothing serious”, Hange continued caressing my scalp and I leaned into their touch.

“Hm...let’s hope it isn’t repetitive Syncope. I’ll also take you to the X-ray room just in case you damage any vital bones”, Erwin said as he jotted down some notes. “Let’s do our checkup then”.

Medical science aren’t my forte so I never really know exactly what he’s doing. I was left to only hope for the best so I could get back on my feet all well and healthy. Whatever illness I have caught, dear lord please don’t make it contagious. I don’t want to incidentally bring Eren to this mess after being official boyfriends.

_ Eren. _

“Levi, you shouldn’t be thinking of Eren right now when your health is like this”, Hange giggled and I visibly shifted into a tomato.

“W-what?!!”, I sputtered.

“Haha! I was right!”, Hange threw a fist in the air.

“God damn it Hange s-stop!”, I flushed.

“Eren? Who’s that?”, Erwin broke through our small commotion.

“U-uh um”, I stumbled to form coherent words.

“It’s his boyfriend!”, Hange shouted and I facepalmed.

“Aww, good for you Levi!”, Erwin patted my shoulder and I groaned.

“Just...go see what’s wrong with me Doctor”, I sighed as the two laughed in unison.

“Will do, my favourite patient”, he laughed.

Erwin urged us to follow him as he us to the X-ray room and entrusted me to a nurse so he could take my health results to the lab for further investigations.I just wanted the day to end already.

-

Hange and me sat patiently back in Erwin’s office to await for the final result. Erwin also made to do a blood test just in case. The room was so quiet that even the ticks of the clock gets more unbearable as time slowly passes. I rest my head on Hange’s shoulder and closed my eyes.

“Are you tired?”, Hange asked.

“A little”, I muttered.

“How’s your back and body in general?”.

“It aches a little but it’s nothing I can’t handle”, I shook it off with a sigh.

The telltale sign of footsteps has finally arrived and our eyes fell on the door the moment it opened. Erwin stood by the door, dread lacing his posture. I swallowed and knew that it wasn’t gonna be good.

“Erwin? What’s wrong?”, Hange stood up alarmed.

“Levi…”, he croaked and my breath caught in my throat.

_ Please no. _

-

All I knew was that all of this was happening too fast, way too fast. Was I merely an hourglass that whatever figure that lingers above us all likes to play with? When my time is running out they would flip the hourglass and give me a second chance. But who knows how long it would be until they tire in watching my sand fall and let the last grain of hope to lay to rest atop the mountain of sand on the bottom of the hourglass.

_ Is this the day? _

I was tired of being toyed with by a being that doesn’t even exist. I was tired of being rushed to experiences that a  _ fifteen  _ year old shouldn’t have to face but look at where I am now. I was tired of everything and as much as I wanted it to stop, I also wished to stay just a little while longer.

Hange held me close as they wept on my shoulder, fingernails digging into my skin in distress. I could only return her embrace with a few broken sobs of my own. We were nothing but  _ helpless _ . 

_ This is not okay. I’m not okay. _

-

_ “Doctor Smith, this is no doubt Hepatocellular Carcinoma”, he stated. _

_ “How can you be so sure Mike?”, Erwin spoke normally but he hid his agitation behind closed doors. _

_ “We’ve detected Alpha Fetoprotein in his blood test that are produced by liver tumors”, Mike handed him the results. _

_ “This can’t be”, his resolve has finally broken and Erwin read the papers with trembling fingers. _

_ “This would also explain his fatigue and abdominal and back pain. It has always been there but from the looks of it, he’s quite a strong person so it was no wonder that it didn’t bother him until now or until something has happened to heightened the pain”, Mike said. _

_ “He really is a strong boy for his age”, Erwin whispered.  _

_ “I’ve talked with Hange a while ago and also told me how Levi had a fever too a few days ago. He’s been showing symptoms of Hepatic cancer before we could detect it. If only we could have known earlier, we could successfully remove the tumors with surgery before it gets out of hand. But as of now we’re painfully unaware of exactly the tumor has taken over his liver”, Mike sighed. “He’s also the son of Kuchel whose life dispersed along with the same cancer. We’re positive that it was passed down”. _

_ Erwin released heavy exhale of breaths the more he heard. _

_ “Is there anything we can do?”, Erwin asked despite knowing the answer. _

_ Mike shook his head with a frown. “He’s diagnosed with stage 3 Hepatic cancer”. _

 

_ “He's due to succumb to his illness by the end of this year”. _

-

Hange has left my hospital room to give me space as I called Eren. I didn’t know what to say or do but I just wanted to hear his voice, to be reminded of his existence. I didn’t want to leave him in the dark but I also didn’t want to hurt him after the happy exchange we had just yesterday. I was in shambles and my throat ached from crying so much. 

_ I just need him. _

I was done with fighting and blaming fate for having me put up with all this shit. I chose to face it straight on. With the remaining time that I have, I’ll spend it with smiles and laughter so I’ll have no regrets when I’ll see my mother again.

_ I’ll die happy. _

The ringing has stopped and the sound of his voice nearly brought me to tears again.

“ _ Hello who’s this? _ ”, Eren asked from the other end.

“It’s me”, I replied.

“ _ Oh Levi! Wait why do you sound like that? _ ”, his tone changed abruptly and I held back a sob.

“Nothing, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know that I love you”, I whispered.

“ _ Levi I love you too and I care about you so please tell me if you’re really okay _ ”, Eren begged and that was when I couldn’t keep up this fa çade any longer.

“Er-en”, I stuttered. “I’m dying”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I'm apologizing again :')


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you stop _Time _?__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the fastest update I have ever done but the content is small forgive me XD  
> Quality over Quantity or Quantity over Quality?  
> Wait why am I asking that just read this chapter~!  
> Want some tissues too~?

The receiver end of the call went silent abruptly and my breath caught in my throat as I dreaded for the worse. I regretted what I’ve said instantly but I didn’t have the force to mutter another word.

“ _ Levi...What do you mean? _ ”, Eren’s voice left me agonized as his worries vibrated in my ear.

“I-”, I tried to speak but instead I choked on a sob which pulled a heavy exhale of breath from Eren.

“ _ Levi, where are you right now? _ ”, Eren asked with a rather calm tone despite his inner turmoil.

“Hospital”, I croaked. “Shiganshina Hospital”.

“ _ Wait for me. I’ll be there soon _ ”, Eren stated and I gasped.

“Wait, no. Eren, don’t. Please”, I panicked.

_ I don’t want you to see me like this. _

The call halted to a stop and I brought the screen to my face to check if I did something stupid like accidentally making contact with the end call button. The line has ended and I didn’t know which of us ended it but it didn’t matter as a distraught brunette slammed the door open, beads of sweat falling from his scalp. Eren instantly pulled me to his embrace and Hange closed the door in discernment as they left us alone.

“What happened”, Eren whispered and the phone slipped from my hand as I dug my fingers into his waist.

“I d-don’t know”, I stuttered. “All of a s-sudden I’m here and n-now I’m terminally ill or s-something, I don’t know”.

“Hush…”, Eren assured me as best as he could. “I’m here, it’s okay”.

“It’s not okay Eren”, I shook my head. “None of this is okay”.

“The world’s not giving me the break I wanted. I wanted a rest but not eternally. I wanted time but without limits. I wanted a break, not be broken. I didn’t mean to trouble you either, I’m sorry”.

Eren runs his fingers through my hair and massaged my scalp with soothing movements.

“You shouldn’t be the one apologizing Levi”, Eren breathed. “None of this is your fault”.

“But now you’re here”, I sobbed. “I troubled you. I don’t want you to be sad too but look at us now. I want you to be happy”.

I lift my head to meet his eyes and watched the sorrow swimming beneath vibrant colours. “If only you didn’t meet me”.

Eren eyes widened and he tightened his grip on me. “No, don’t say that Levi”.

“Can’t you see? I am happy. Like you said, I’m barely an empty vessels with accessories that sugarcoats how boring I really am inside. I’m like a money bank that has no value until it’s filled. But you, Levi you are what completed me. You filled this gaping hole inside me that not even I could fix. Everything is just happening too fast and I understand how troubled you are both mentally and physically. But no matter what happens, don’t ever doubt our relationship”.

I stared at him, utterly astonished. I dropped my head on his chest and cried softly against his chest.

“What did I do to deserve you Eren”, I said it as a statement rather than a question.

“Do you dare to question Love?”, Eren replied.

“Nah...I’m too tired”, I chuckled.

Just yesterday, we were in a loving tangled heap embracing each other, serene beneath the thermal sunlight. Now we’re in the same position, but with the opposite emotion.

“What happened?”, Eren asked.

I took a sharp intake of breath before clearing my throat.

“Apparently I’m diagnosed with Liver cancer. It was passed down from my mother, the same shit that took her away from me. I can’t believe this”.

Eren breath hitched and I kept my eyes closed so I could focus on his steady heartbeat.

“How long?”, Eren asked and I didn’t need an explanation to understand what he means by it.

“Until the end of this year”, I sighed. “I can’t handle this. It’s too fast, too fast, too fast…”.

Eren rubbed soothing circles all on my back as he planted kisses on my forehead.

“Make it stop”.

-

Eren went outside to grab me a glass of water. I waited patiently in the room and just stared at the ceiling, my face tear-stained. My throat ached and the pain in my abdomen still hasn’t subsided. The window on the left revealed such a luminous stratosphere with groups of densely packed object that was about to combust soon. The sun no longer showed its appearance and laid to rest behind grey cloud that burst as there was only so much water capacity that it could hold.

The smell of rain empowered the antiseptic scent that would linger to remind me of my unstable state. 

There was a small wooden bedside table right beside my hospital bed. On top of it is a battery operated digital clock that ticks silently. I held the object in my hand and frowned as time kept passing, untroubled. The numbers would change and differ whilst I laid motionless atop thin sheets of opaque fabric.

_ I just want time to- _

“STOP!”, I hissed.

In a fury, my fist connected with the glass surface. I didn’t even realise I punched it until the glass sliced open my knuckles and I shrieked in pain. Yet, despite all of that, the time kept going.

My vision blurred in and out of vision and the next thing I knew, Eren’s hand was on mine and he reverted back to his worried state of mind.

“Levi?!! What are you doing?”, Eren sputtered.

My eyes widened and I fumbled with words. “S-sorry! I didn’t m-mean to. I’m j-just-”.

“Shh It's okay, I’m here”, Eren reassured me and quickly snatched a tissue from the bedside table to put pressure against the fresh wound. “I’ll get a doctor, stay put”.

I held the tissue against the aching spot as it bled. Erwin came in an instant with a medical box in one hand.

“Levi, calm down okay”, Erwin sighed and got to work with fixing my mess.

“Sorry I’m just…”, I bit my bottom lip, exasperated. “Stressed”.

“I know”, Erwin nodded and his eyes lit with distress.

I gaze at my now bandaged hands and feel the wound beneath it begin to sting.

“Thanks Erwin”, I said.

“No problem”, he smiled before leaving the room.

Eren sat beside me and hand me the glass of water that he got.

“Thank you”, I smiled around the cup and sipped the liquid.

“Looks like I’ll have to keep my eyes on you”, he caressed my injured hand gently to prevent hurting me.

“Sorry about that”, I apologized softly.

“Don’t worry”, Eren smiled. “I’ll stay with you”.

I returned his smile. “Thank you. Thank you so much”.

The rain has picked up it’s pace as it smashes against the window. The cold breeze felt nice on my skin and I rest my head against his shoulder, our hands intertwined. We inhaled the day of the present, let the past lay to rest and didn’t question the future.

_ As if time has stopped. _

-

Hange drove home to collect some of Levi’s belonging that would at least be of help for his stay in the hospital. The doctors requested Levi to be kept back at the hospital for a few weeks so they could keep an eye on him just in case they could find a way to cure his cancer before it’s permanently irreversible. Hange hoped for the best even with the seed of doubt planted in good soil.

They packed comfortable clothing, toiletries, entertainments and knick-knacks in a suitcase. Throughout the process, Hange would rub their eyes raw and urge themselves to be stronger but it was harder to keep a stable composure when no one was there to judge. Hange made sure to text a few of the staff members of their current situation in hopes of being understood and earning a temporary leave to take care of the only child they ever genuinely cared for.

Losing Kuchel —their best friend, was already hard enough and even till this day the dull ache would still be too stubborn to subside. Hange wouldn’t know what to do if they have to lose Levi too.

After packing what they needed for Levi, Hange drove off towards the nearest convenience store so they could gather a few of Levi’s favourite snack just in case the hospital food wasn’t up to his standards. With the awareness of Levi’s love towards Japanese snacks, Hange filled their shopping bags with pocky, umaibo and the sorts. They stumbled across the Asian food aisle and their eyes was instantly drawn to the family sized packets of Indonesian egg noodles which Levi loves just as much. Hange reminded themselves of all the times they have brought noodles to the dinner table and how happy it would make Levi.

Watching him savouring every spoonful gave Hange the satisfaction of being a successful parent.

In a haze, Hange has lost track of their surroundings and bumped into a girl the moment she turned around.

“S-sorry!”, Hange apologized and re-adjusted their glasses.

“I’m sorry to- wait. Hange?”, it was the voice of a familiar redhead.

“Isabel?!!”, Hange sputtered and watch the girl shoot her a worried look.

“Hange...you seemed a little upset. Did something happen?”, Isabel asked.

And of course, Hange could never lie to her face.

“It’s Levi”, Hange’s voice has cracked and they could feel a drop of emotion slipping from the corner of their eyes.

Isabel felt her lungs constrict, “W-what happened to Levi?”.

She dreaded the answer and took a deep breath to prepare herself but even that wasn’t enough.

“He’s diagnosed with Hepatic cancer”, Hange sobbed. “My child is gonna die”.

Isabel’s juniper green eyes widened and for once in her life she had never felt so hurt before, both emotionally and physically.

“I have to see him”, Isabel sniffled. “Take me to him Hange”.

Hange nodded and brought their groceries to the register before hurrying Isabel in their car. They drove towards the hospital, Hange agitated in the driver seat, Isabel anxious in the passenger seat. The drive was silent and their heavy inhales and exhales of oxygen were heavy in volume. They arrived at the hospital shortly after and made a beeline towards his room.

Isabel was the first to glance from the window and watch the two boys inside huddled together lovingly, whispering sweet nothings to each other despite the unforgiving situation. She crumbled to the floor as sobs wracked her body and dropped her head to her palms, water seeping from her rained soaked clothes.

“I’m sorry”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DEEPLY AND SINCERELY APOLOGIZ E  
> Even if I have lost interest in the ship, writing these two is still enjoyable.  
> sUFfeR wiTh mE


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Won't you assist in defining Hope? ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even an apology can save me now of fuc-  
> I CANNOT BELIEVE MY SORRY ASS HAVEN'T UPDATED IN...HOLY SHIT, TWO MONTHS???  
> You can send me on an express train to hell and I won't blame you.  
> I'VE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL IM SORRY  
> BUT HEY, AT LEAST I GOT AN UPDATE WOOOHOOO  
> IT'S SHORT BUT IT'S STILL HIGHER THAN MY HEIGHT AYY  
> I'm forever grateful for those who are still here to read and support despite my ridiculous update monstrosity XD

Hange cradled Isabel in their arms as they could do nothing but watch the girl struggle to wrap reality around her head. They were happy to see someone care so much for Levi but it hurts to see them in pain because of Levi. Isabel’s body trembled from both anxiety and the cold from running through the rain to get here. Helplessness slowly swallowing her whole.

Soft laughter could be heard from within the room and Isabel’s eyes fluttered open. She crawled on her knees and peeked from the window to watch Eren sharing jokes with Levi. His smile were so genuine that she couldn’t help but choke on another sob. She always admired the strength that her raven haired friend has.

At this moment, she would do  _ anything _ to preserve his happiness. And that’s when an idea popped into her mind.

She rubbed the remaining tears away from her face and turned to Hange with determinations that she didn’t know she had.

“There is a way to save him”.

-

The pads of my fingers laid restlessly atop his comforting hand, mapping out the surface and leaving no space untouched. It was calloused yet so nice to touch, to feel. It was easy to love all his slight imperfections, if it were actually flaws. Eren is just  _ perfect _ , almost  _ ethereal.  _

Eren lifted my hand and brought it to his lips so he could plant chaste kisses on my knuckles and I smiled. From the contact, I could detect the slight tremble of his lips and I felt my heart clench.

“Don't make that face Levi”, Eren muttered against my skin. 

“Huh?” I cocked my head to the side in confusion. 

“You seem really worried about something”, Eren replied. “I hope it's not about me”.

I laughed. “What if it was?”.

“Then I recommend you to not worry so much for I am most definitely fine or I'll kiss you somewhere else”, Eren smirked and I blushed. 

“Hm? Where would that be?” I raised my eyebrows despite the deep crimson that is spreading on my cheek. 

“Here”, Eren leaned closer and pecked a quick kiss on my forehead. 

“You're such a tease”, I pouted. 

“Oh? Where would you have wanted it?” Eren’s voice lowered in volume. 

I rested my chin on his shoulder and exhaled warm breaths of air against his ear, feeling him shiver. My lips then spread to a mischievous grin before it parts. 

“My foot”.

For a second, we just stayed in our position until I felt Eren shake and the dam finally broke. He erupted in laughter and embraced me to gain what little control he had left after losing it to my joke. 

“Do you actually want me to?” Eren giggled shortly after. 

“What?! Of course not”, I shot him a dumbfounded look. 

“Would you stop me if I did”, Eren said and my eyes widened. 

“Wait what? Why would yo-”, I was suddenly cut off when he grab my foot with reflexes that most definitely exceeded God speed and pressed a kiss on my foot. 

I threw my head back and let out a noise between a shriek and a laugh. 

“You're ticklish here?” Eren chuckled and started tickling me. 

“Oh my God Eren stop!” I laughed and the sound bounced around the room. 

I fell on my back and squirmed beneath his hold as he has yet to cease this tickling game. 

“Eren pleas- haha! Damn it just let me foot go!” I whined and he stopped with a laugh. 

“God, you're so cute”, Eren winked. 

“I'm not God, I'm Levi”, I rolled my eyes. 

“Yes, I know. That's why I love you”, Eren chuckled. 

“Cheese”, I shook my head before smiling. “I love you too”.

Amidst the laughter, I caught a figure of a familiar red-head outside my room but she quickly vanished before my eyes the moment I spotted a lock of her crimson hair. 

“Isabel?” I said aloud but she was probably gone by now. 

“Is she here?” Eren asked and faced the same direction as me. 

“I'm not sure, I just saw her hair”, I frowned. 

I was no longer sure where I stand in the friendship I once have with Isabel. The lines are blurred and I have yet to find the right spectacle to see what I need to see clearly. I still wanted our friendship to last but as of now everything is just  _ difficult.  _

“You look distressed again”, Eren stated. “Are you concerned about her?”.

I sighed and nodded before dropping my head on his shoulder. We bask in the silence for a little before Eren spoke. “Levi, do you remember the day that you confessed to me?”.

I jerked back with surprise and felt my cheeks rise in temperature. “O-of course I do! How could I forget?”.

Eren chuckled. “Well, do you know what I was doing before I chased after you?”.

I shook my head and he continued. 

“I was still shakened over your confession and I was glued to my seat for a while. The seed of doubt inside me grew and that caused me to decide that maybe I should go home and not worry too much about it despite my own feelings. I was worried about what might have gone wrong and thought that you were probably releasing your feeling so you can let go of me. And that also means that I'm too late”, Eren sighed and my eyes lit with slight anguish. 

“But before I could leave the classroom to head home, Isabel stopped me in my tracks”, Eren chuckled. “All of a sudden she burst at me and erased my doubts. She told me to run after you and claim the chance that whatever God is above has given me. She started, more like promised, that if I lose this chance she would fight me bare-handed”.

I laughed. “Sounds just like Isabel”.

“So I did. I went after you. Because as of that moment it felt like I had all the courage in the world”, Eren leaned forward to peck a chaste kiss on my forehead. “I didn't have to regret a chance I didn't take”.

I smiled and hugged him. 

“What would I do without her?” I sighed heavily. 

Just as I was about to close my eyes, said redhead burst into the room and stood in front of us seconds later.

“I-Isabel?” I sputtered.

Her eyes were red and puffy that indicates that she has been crying shortly before but the smile plastered on her lips tells a different story.

“There’s a way to save you Levi”, she spoke and it feels like it has been forever since I heard her voice and it nearly brought me to tears, “You  _ will  _ live”.

My mind finally processed the words that left her lips and my eyes widened.

“What?!”.

-

_ “What do you mean?” Hange said, seeming bewildered. _

_ “He was just recently diagnosed with it right?” Isabel asked. _

_ “Well yes...but what about it?” Hange had no clue in what Isabel was attempting to insinuate. _

_ “I may not be a doctor or have any professional knowledge involving around medical matters but, what if we can fix Levi’s liver?” Isabel suggested. _

_ “Fix Levi’s liver?” Hange asked aloud. “That’s not possible, the doctor told me that the tumor revolving around his liver has affected him beyond what any surgery can fix. In conclusion, his liver cannot be fixed and we can do nothing but watch the tumors spread to his other neighbouring organs”. _

_ Hange sighed and looked at Isabel with a sad smile. But Isabel was not gonna let it end that way. She’ll alter the story and erase the ending. She has the pen and the space to write, so what’s stopping her now? _

_ Nothing. She will save Levi if it is the  _ **_last_ ** _ thing she would do. _

_ “Has the tumors spread yet?” Isabel pressed on. _

_ “Not yet”, Hange replied. _

_ “Then what if Levi gets his Liver replaced”, Isabel beamed, “With one that is healthy and strong.” _

_ Now this time, Hange froze. They haven’t thought about that. _

_ “It’s possible”, a voice behind Isabel caused the two to jerk and gaze behind Isabel. _

_ “Erwin?!” Hange exclaimed. _

_ “It’s possible,” he repeated. “If the tumors has yet to spread, then we can switch his liver with one that is in a healthy condition and spare him from his unfortunate fate. The surgery will be difficult but it’s possible.” _

_ The sound of hope had never rang so loud in Hange’s ears. _

_ “We can save him…,” Hange muttered. “We can save him!” _

_ Hange threw themselves towards Isabel and embraced her, “You’re amazing you beautiful angel!” _

_ Isabel smiled and hugged them back. _

_ “But where will we find a donor that quickly? In order for this surgery to work, we’ll have to commence it before the day ends or it won’t be possible,” Erwin voiced his concerns. _

_ Hange frowned at that, “That is true…” _

_ “I would be willing to give up my liver but I have a history of excessive drinking and I don’t think my liver is any good,” Hange sighed and balled their fist. “God damn it.” _

_ Isabel laughed and Hange looked at her dumbfounded. _

_ “I wasn’t gonna suggest something that would trouble you more,” Isabel chuckled, “We already have a donor.” _

_ “Wait what?! Really?” Hange exclaimed, “But there’s no way you could have gotten a donor that quickly.” _

_ Isabel smiled, “The donor has been here all along ever since I mentioned my thoughts aloud”. _

_ Hange was confused for a moment before their eyes widened abruptly. Before Hange could mutter a word, Isabel opened her mouth. _

_ “Me,” she giggled, her voice cracking a little. “I’m the donor”. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another cliffhanger that would get me hunted down INSTANTLY  
> I'm gonna apologize in advance because who knows when I'll update again RIP  
> Honestly I'm so grateful for those who are still here reading this book THANK YOU SO MUCH


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Love, that undefinable thing, can be dangerous sometimes. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of times that I type ‘Isable’ instead of ‘Isabel’ is concerning. I better dISABEL myself ;). Honestly why are my readers still so loyal I’m a horrible author. I was about to delete this because it’s difficult writing for a ship that I have no passion for anymore but I wouldn’t betray my readers and I promised that I would finish this no matter what so I hope you all can handle the snail paced update. But thank you so much again and I’m sorry that I might not be able to edit and fix the entire fic when it’s finished because I want to focus on other things but I’ll try my best because I had a little journey around the previous chapters in this fic and the mistakes that I found made me scream. I hope you enjoy this chapter (tissue recommended if needed). I still feel bad that you have to deal with a fic that I don’t put much effort in but I’ll try my best on keeping it up to standard :’)

Isabel’s gaze never faltered even when my glare feels like it’s piercing straight through her very core. My face was the epitome of bewilderment. I waited for a punch-line, or maybe the truth would have been more beneficial in this situation despite the excruciating mental ache that it would follow right after. But Isabel had a look on her face that I was familiar with. A sign that whatever she’s about to do will either be very good, or very bad.

“What do you mean?” I repeated.

Isabel briefly shoots me a somber smile before parting her lips, “If you want to know, then you have to promise me that you’ll agree with what I am about to to say no matter what.”

“That depends on what it i-” I tried to say but she cuts me off and grasped my hand.

“Please Levi,” Isabel begged. “Just promise me this. I won’t ask for anything else and I can guarantee you on that.”

My eyes widened a fraction and deep in the pit of my stomach, I could feel butterflies that flutters with wings that had serrated edges. I had a bad feeling but everything was a mess right now so if there really is a solution, then why should I accept the unforgiving laughter of fate when hope is only a breath away.

“I promise then,” I released a heavy breath. “What is it that could possibly save me now?”

Isabel chuckled and added, “Not what, but _who_.”

I cocked my head to the side in confusion but I kept quiet because I know she’ll follow me up with an explanation.

“There is a way to save you Levi,” Isabel smiled. “Since the tumor in your liver hasn’t spread towards your other neighbouring organs, it is possible for you to get a liver transplant and get that problematic organ replaced with a healthier one, guaranteed to keep you alive for however long you desire till you pass on from old age.”

I gasped, “I hadn't thought about that.”

My eyes wandered around the room and fell on Eren who’s facial expression was one that shouted something like relief. I also spotted Hange and Erwin standing by the door but Hange seems troubled, an emotion contrasting my own. They seem perturbed after hearing Isabel’s announcement.

“But wait,” I broke in. “Who will be my donor? Without a donor, the surgery would be a lost cause. Searching for a deceased person with a healthy liver right now might be difficult, and the chance of finding someone who would sacrifice their liver for a person they don’t know is slim. By the time we have a donor, it might already be too late. If only I had knew that I was diagnosed with liver cancer, then I might have been easier to save…”

The mere thought of it begins to crush me because I was close to completely trusting my life towards hope without checking the prices that has to be paid for it first. Yet, Isabel’s smile has never left her lips.

“You silly! I wouldn’t be suggesting this idea without knowing that first, and I wouldn’t be saying it at all if there wasn’t a donor,” she chuckled and her somber smile has returned on her lips.

I was about to open my mouth but she cuts me off before placing a hand on her chest.

“Right here, right in front of you,” her voice cracked as my breath hitch. “Your saviour has been here all this time for you even with the distance I created between us after my mistake that I have yet to forgive.”

I didn’t realise my that my hands were now shaking until I felt her gentle one tremble just as much.

“I’ve wanted to make amends with you and I’ve finally found the best way to do it,” Isabel brought my hands to lay on her abdomen, right above where her liver is.

“N-no…” I stuttered.

I didn’t know how else to react but to deny what she had offered. No matter how desperate I wanted to live, I wouldn’t take her life for it.

“No Isabel we can’t do that,” I hissed.

“Yes we can and we will,” Isabel stated. “You promised me that you’ll agree with what I had to say.”

“No, not this,” I whispered. “I don’t want this. I might want to live but I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me. You hadn’t done anything wrong Isabel. You have nothing to repent for.”

Isabel shook her head and held my hand tighter. “Please Levi, let me do this! What I have done might’ve not had bothered you as much as it troubled me. I have my reasons for this Levi so please just accept it.”

“What could be more important than your own life?!” I snapped.

“You are, Levi,” Isabel said, frustrated. “This is the only chance you have so for the love of God just go along with it. I know it’s hard to do so but just...please.”

I didn’t realise I was crying until Isabel wiped them off my cheeks as I stuttered, “I d-don’t want this.”

Isabel, my selfless, beautiful best friend, shook he head and cradled me.

“It’s the only way before it’s too late Levi,” Isabel smiled against my shoulder. “So please…”

Then out of the blue, Eren spoke up, “If it’s a healthy liver that he needs then I have that too you know.”

I had almost forgotten that me and Isabel weren’t the only ones in the room.

“Isabel, you mean a lot to him,” Eren said. “If it’s a new liver that he needs, I’m willing to give mine.”

My eyes widened.

“No Eren, not you too,” I choked out.

“Eren, don’t be ridiculous,” Isabel sighed. “You have no idea how much Levi loves you. I was close to keeping you both apart and I still can’t forgive myself for that. He can’t lose you as much as he can’t lose me but I don’t think I could allow myself to breathe anymore if I let the world tear you both apart again, when I have the chance to keep it together.”

Eren shook his head and gestured his hand towards me before he added, “Then how about Levi? How about his feelings? How could he bear the fact that the reason why he had to lose one of the most important person in his life was himself. You’ve known each other longer than me and I’m still nothing more than a stranger compared to the years that you both has spent together.”

I wanted my hearing senses to be numbed. Never had I ever felt the dire need to just sleep the pain away and wake up remembering absolutely nothing. But this was the unavoidable truth, and I would wake up every morning remembering every single little detail of what had happened today. Of losing someone I deeply care for.

“If this is the price that has to be paid for me to live, then I genuinely do not want it,” I stated.

“Levi you don’t understan-” Isabel declared and I cut her off.

“What part of this do I not understand?!” I countered. “Is it the part where I disagree with how you want to sacrifice yourself for me? As you can see, I clearly do not want to lose you and I’d rather go along with my fate than losing anyone. The moment any of you disappear, a part of me has already died.”

Isabel bit her lip and closed her eyes. She exhaled heavily before turning around to face Hange, Erwin and Eren.

“Is it okay if you guys give us some space,” Isabel smiled shakily. “There’s something that I want to tell him, and only him.”

Hange and Erwin shared their troubled looks to one another whilst Eren seemed distraught.

“Please,” Isabel pleaded.

Hange and Erwin stayed frozen on the spot but nodded a little while later and exited the room. Eren shot Isabel a worried look and waved him off.

“It’s okay Eren,” Isabel chuckled. “I have my reasons for this.”

Eren switched his gaze from Isabel to me before he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Okay,” he whispered, a vulnerability that I had never seen just surfaced on his face.

He made his way towards the exit before closing the door behind him.

Isabel turned to me so our eyes could meet.

“You better have a good reason for this even though there’s nothing that could convince me to agree to the surgery,” I sniffed.

Isabel gave me a warm smile before sitting down next to me.

“You see, I have come to accept something just a few days ago,” Isabel began. “I guess I was just too weak to not come to terms with it until recently.”

I kept quiet and silently urged her to continue.

“I realised the sole reason why I was so unstable recently. The reason that caused me to do things I’d never thought I would do, especially hurting you,” she admitted.

She was visibly hesitating something but her face turned serious as she swallowed her pride.

“The reason was because I love you,” she giggled as her voice cracked.

At that moment, I felt it rush through my system. The undefinable pain that coursed through my veins. My mouth was dry and I had stopped breathing for a good few seconds.

“I’ve tried denying it because I know it’ll just be awkward because we’re better as friends than as a couple,” Isabel continued. “And there is stronger friendships in this world than actual loving relationships so I wanted to have that strong friendship with you but, it gets harder and harder to not adore you this way. You are one of the most important person to me, more than anyone else. More than my parents who couldn’t care less about what I want to do, or if they even care if something happens to me.”

Isabel looks up to the ceiling as a tear rolled down her cheeks.

“As you can see, loving you was my first mistake because then it led me to denial, and denial led it to all the previous shitty things that I’ve done,” Isabel chuckled but there wasn’t any humor in her tone. “I pretended to like Eren and I’ve strengthened that illusion so much to the point where I truly believed that I genuinely loved him but of course, it couldn’t rival the happiness that I get whenever I’m spending time with you. I know, more than anyone, that there is no chance of me being something more than just a close friend to you. I know that feeling of loss like how I know to breathe, and I won’t let Eren go through the same thing because I know that he’s one of the best thing that life has offered you. He’ll bring forth happiness that you’ve never seen before and I trust him to take care of you.”

I was speechless. I couldn’t say a thing even if I wanted to.

“So please Levi,” she begged. “I’m not as strong as you and I don’t think I can wait to find someone else. So please accept this surgery for my sake, for my love for you. It’s a short life but it was fulfilling and every single seconds spent was worth it. So let me do this for you.”

My entire body was shaking at this point. She claims that she is weak, yet she was the one who had to bear with loving me whilst my eyes was on someone else.

“I want you to live,” Isabel smiled. “That’s all I want.”

I just stared at her with sobs wracking my body. I leaned towards her and hugged her tightly as I cried on her shoulder.

“I’ll stay alive,” I wept. “I’ll stay alive for you.”

A relieved laugh escaped her lips as she returned my embrace.

“Thank you Levi,” she whispered against the top of my head before kissing it. “I love you.”

 

Then it was all a blur. From seeing the troubled faces of everyone, and then the reassurances, the brief paperwork, the heart-wrenching expression that Eren had, so many things had gone by in just under a few hours. The clock ticks by unforgivingly.

I was at a loss, beyond tired. Maybe that’s why I had let this happen, the feeling of guilt and selfishness pooling in the pit of my stomach. I owed my life to her and if she wanted me to live; if that’s her last and only request, then I’ll fulfill it without a second thought.

And when they laid me down to drift unconscious, I inhaled the anesthesia they had offered. The surgery would be silent and I would feel nothing.

 

When I slept, it really felt like time had stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the comment feature is available for a reason.  
> Go ahead and digitally express your emotions on me i aM SORRYYYYYY  
> I'll take good care of Levi :')


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are the reason behind our own endings,  
> Our results depends on our choices.  
> It's your choice, your reason, your ending, your _life _.__  
>  It's **yours**.
> 
> Don't let anyone or anything take that from _you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of apologizing, I want to thank my readers for being so loyal and still staying here with me and looking forward to the ending. It means a lot and we're finally coming to a close end (just one more chapter after this and we can all breathe easy). I don't want to promise because I might accidentally break it but the last chapter would be available on Levi's birthday so you can all have more things to look forward to this Christmas. It's my present for you all <3

If I have to describe it whilst I’m half conscious, then the sound ringing in my ears would be nothing but a very uncoordinated symphony of sorrow. The faint whispers, the steady beeping of the heart monitor, the soft clanking of metals, the closing and opening of doors, footsteps, droplets of some form of liquid, my breaths, their breaths, and  _ her _ ....

_ I won’t jump to conclusion. I won’t be able to confirm it without seeing it with my own eyes. I still have the right to deny the truth even though doing so had brought upon nothing but more suffering. _

I couldn’t block out the collection of sounds. My breathing often erupted louder than anything in the room but I could still recognise other noises that bounced from walls to walls. If I put more focus on my hearing senses, maybe I could identify my own heartbeats. Maybe I could do it until I’m really good at it, until I could even hear  _ her’s _ too.

I felt nothing, physically. I was numb from head to toe. But when I’m physically numb, that makes me too emotionally responsive, sensitive. The feeling was so powerful that maybe if my skin weren’t numb, I could feel hot liquid on my cheeks.

Genuinely, I feared waking up. I fear even the thoughts of being back to consciousness. I didn’t want to face the truth because feeling the truth was more than enough for me. I didn’t want to see the ugly thing that takes the form of reality come alive right in front of my eyes.

I wanted to believe on even a sliver of existing hope. I wanted to count on the fact that I’m still young, I’m still just fucking  _ fifteen _ . Maybe like other young children, something will work out in the end. Like all the fucking Disney princess movies where at the edge of their despair, they’re given a chance to be happy again with hope.

Maybe it’s as easy as losing a toy. It’s as easy as mourning for an object that is of such significance that one would cry over it. And then in the end, said  _ hope _ will appear and either someone of something will return the toy back. And then it’ll all be happiness once again.

But as of now, it’s not as easy as losing an inanimate object. No, it’s a life I lost. It’s not rocket science to know that once someone is dead, they’re dead. Nothing more, nothing less. It can’t be given back, nor can it be revived.

_ That’s all there is. That’s it. _

Her life burnt out like a candle even though her fire was so passionately furious when it was lit. She still has wax to melt, she still have a future ahead of her. She’s still way _too_ _young._

I’m not a religious person, nor do I believe in the existence of God. But whoever it is up there that even has more ounce of power than the strongest human being, I pray to you.

_ Please- _

-

The rush of awakened senses came at me at the speed of light. 

The smell came first, filling my nostrils. The intoxicating scent of antiseptic, alcohol and faint remnants of metal.

Then the noises began to increase. Chatters, whispers and the likes. They slowly fade away until what was left was the sound of breathing and the beeping heart monitor. Though at that moment I might have been delusional, it felt as if there was more than one consecutive beeping. But I have no proof to confirm that I was hearing more than one active heart monitor. Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me, I’m still not quite stable enough to tell.

My mouth was dry and bitter. I tasted copper and salt in the back of my mouth and as I swallowed faintly, it made me realise how terribly thirsty I was. My mouth was a vast desert craving for rare rain. Craving for salvation. That mere thought  _ almost _ made me forgot about water, derailing me to thoughts of a certain redhead again.

Then I felt  _ warmth _ . Soothing heat that burns life into my body that was emotionally and close to physically cold. I reveled in the feeling of callous skin and bony fingers. The feeling was like breaking the surface of water after drowning for so long. I returned the affection and felt Eren’s jolt of surprise through the faint flinch of his fingers.

Once I allowed the senses of my sight to awaken, I had to blink back tears as the harsh light of the sunrise greeted me sadistically. Once my eyes began to focus, the first thing I saw was two different coloured orbs that belonged to the person I’m proud to call  _ my _ boyfriend.

“Morning Levi,” Eren whispered, sporting a faint somber smile.

“E-Eren,” I choked out.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Eren assured me. “Here, I’ll help you up.”

Eren leaned closer to fit his arms around my back as he pushed me to a sitting position gently. I relied on his support entirely and hoped that I wasn’t too heavy for him. After he shoved a bunch of pillows behind me, he passed me a glass of water which I devoured instantly the moment the glass touched my lips. He chuckled at my thirst and I glared at him lightheartedly.

“You okay?” Eren asked.

“Yeah...wait, actually,” I added, my eyebrows pinched in confusion. “How come I don’t feel any pain?”

“They gave you pretty strong anesthetics so you won’t be feeling much pain until later on,” Eren answered.

_ That’s why I feel so numb _ .

I placed my hand above my abdomen where the liver rest beneath it. I could feel the scar through the fabric of my hospital gown, a physical reminder of today’s event. When it begins to ache, I’ll welcome the pain with every inches of my being. Even when the physical pain subsides, I’ll advance through passing days with an emotional ache too bone deep to be fixed.

_ But, I still have one thing left to confirm. _

I fixed my gaze towards the right and to my surprise, there was an extra hospital bed there. Along with all the accessories, including a heart monitor; beeping weakly. And as I suspected, on the bed lays the angel that kissed life into me.

“H-how…,” I choked on a sob.

“About that…,” Eren softly chuckles. “None of us really knew how a liver transplant worked so we weren’t to blame for not being given a thorough explanation about it.”

I switched my focus on Eren and urged him to continue. He held my hand in his as he began.

“I wasn’t actually giving the surgeon my best attention when he was explaining because I was so worried about you but I think I got the gist of it. Apparently, it was possible to only have Isabel donate parts of her liver to you. That means that both of you still have a liver, so you’re both alive. Am I making sense?” he concluded with a lopsided smile.

I wiped my tears away as I nodded, “Pretty much.”

“You can blame Erwin for not explaining about it because back then when it happened with your mother, there was no donor available to commence a transplant so he was never really informed about it. There wasn’t much time left for her anyway, since the cancer has already spread to other organs in her body,” Eren frowns.

“I’m glad there wasn’t a donor back then,” I replied softly. “Not because she didn’t deserve to live, but because she was in so much pain that I couldn’t bear having her live through the weight of it all. I don’t think she would have liked to live the rest of her life permanently bedridden either.”

Eren stroked my fingers gently whilst smiling. “She’s in a better place now. Resting peacefully, all healthy and happy. If heaven exist, I hope your mother and mine meets. I think they would make great friends.

I chuckled at the thought. How beautiful that would be. I could imagine them sharing stories about nothing and everything. The images of their smiles blooming in my mind. 

“By the way,” I thought aloud. “ If you don’t mind me asking...what was your mother diagnosed with?”

“You can ask me anything Levi,” he stated. “My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and like you, she wasn’t aware of it until it was too late.”

“I’m sorry…,” I muttered, tightening my hold on him slightly.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, it was no one’s fault,” Eren assures me. “She used to work at a convenience store that was close to a factory that produces a heavy amount of air pollution that she didn’t know was extremely harmful. No one wanted to work there because they complained about the smell so since there was a job available there, my mum applied for it and she was hired on the spot. She needed to provide for the family and there wasn’t many job available so that’s what pushed her into getting a job she didn’t know would change her future for the worse. She thought that people were just bothered by the odor that came from the nearby gas station but the smell was actually coming from the damned factory. She worked there for more than a month…”

My stomach clenched at the fact that she had worked so hard only to lose it all at the end.

“The convenience store went out of business long ago when she was still alive. After that, she stayed at home to take care of her children instead with the money she earned from working there. She relied on Dad with paying the bills and stuff after Dad insisted that he could bear paying it alone. Just a few weeks after she was finished with that job, her health took turn for the worst.”

Eren’s face scrunched slightly as if he was in physical pain and his soft smile was long gone. I bit my lip so I could breathe through it all. It was as if I was living the moment he was describing because the both of us had gone through the same thing, had felt the same pain.

“She was wrong about a lot of things. She thought she just caught a cold or a common fever but her coughs began to worsen. Water had done more good on her body than the medications she was prescribed with. It was all a blur when she began to cough blood and she was immediately brought to the hospital. She got diagnosed with lung cancer and without a donor, she drifted away in front of our eyes.”

I noticed that Eren’s shoulder was shaking. He pressed his lips together to stop it from trembling but to no avail. I pushed myself closer to him before pulling him into an embrace as I hugged him close.

“I hope she’s now enjoying her time in a place where she can breathe easy,” I whispered against the soft locks of his hair.

We stayed in our position for a few seconds before he pulled back, shooting me a gorgeous smile.

“Thanks, I needed that,” Eren beamed. “Ah, you’re all red now.”

“T-that’s because your smile is j-just beautiful,” I effused and he laughed.

“Thank you.”

I turned to look at Isabel to see that she is still sleeping, wearing a peaceful expression on her face. The pace of her heart monitor has stayed the same, neither increasing or decreasing.

“How come Isabel’s not awake yet?” I faced Eren as I asked him.

“I’m not sure,” Eren replied. “They said that the surgery was rather reckless since it was done in such a rush. Not as in the time spent during the surgery but the time that they did the surgery. They only did a brief review of Isabel — got a little surprised when her parents agreed to it without a second thought — before getting into action. The good thing is that because they did it earlier, they were able to successfully reduce the severity of your cancer. But there were minor complications that occurred throughout the surgery, most of it happening with Isabel.”

I felt the butterflies increase in my stomach again as I swallowed. “Will she be okay?”

“I hope so,” Eren claims. “I’m not very knowledgeable in this area so let’s just hope for the best. I’m sure the surgeon’s work quality was up to standard.”

I nodded and closed my eyes to suck it all in. I’m here, I’m breathing, I’m  _ alive _ . And soon Isabel would awake too. She would wear a funny smile on her face and we’ll probably scream at Erwin for scaring the shit out of us and not warning us about how a liver transplant works. Then everything will be normal again.

We’ll stay in the hospital for a while. Bear through the pain. Spend time together as a family. Everything would be  _ okay _ .

_ Right? _

I jumped in surprise when the entrance of the room opened. Hange appeared, looking dishevelled and tired. They fixed their glasses as they strides closer towards us, nearly tripping on their own feet.

“Levi!” Hange boomed, throwing her arms wide.

They threw themself on the bed and practically lunged at me. I winced in pain when Hange cradled me.

“Ah! I’m sorry! You okay!?” Hange backs away.

“It’s okay I’m fine,” I assured them. “The painkillers must be wearing off.”

“Thank God,” Hange sighs with relief before turning to Eren. “Could you step outside for a bit. I just want to have some private mother-to-son conversation with Levi.”

“Sure thing, it’s not a problem,” Eren excused himself as he stood from the chair.

“Thank you dear. I’ll let you both be lovey-dovey with each other later~” they winked and Eren sputtered.

“I a-appreciate your concern,” he stuttered before stepping out of the room.

“Seriously, mum,” I glared at them.

“Yes I’m serious,” Hange grinned. “I’m glad everything somehow worked out.”

I hummed in answer as I rested my head on their shoulder. 

“Hange...I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“Huh? Baby, what do you have to apologize for?” Hange shot me a worried look.

“The surgery bills,” I stated. “I hope you hadn’t forgotten about it.”

“Of course not,” Hange’s worried dissipated. “You have nothing to be concerned about. Regarding the bills, I’m sure I’ll be paying it off in no time. I have quite a bit of money in my bank account that I don’t really need so I’ll use it on you.”

“Why are you doing so much for me?” I asked, feeling myself beginning to tear up.

“Oh honey,” they giggled as they pulled me gently for a hug. “You see, I have what they call infertility. Maybe that’s one of the reason why I decided to be non-binary, so I didn’t feel incomplete as one gender because of that sole reason. I wanted to adopt but then I could imagine the struggle of picking one or trying to get attached to one. But when your mother; my dearest friend, assigned me take care of you, I felt so honored.”

Hange ruffles my hair before patting my head softly.

“You’re just like her, bold and passionate. Fearless and the likes, an exact replica but just different genders. It’s like having a friend for a child. You’re perfect,” I felt their smile against my head. “She entrusted your life to me. She was the first person that I told about my infertility and when she knew that she wouldn’t survive her cancer, she gave me an early birthday present. If I’d knew back then, I would have given parts of my liver too but then again, she couldn’t bear the pain so as her closest friend, I let her pass peacefully.”

“I’m glad you let her go,” I agreed. “She’s in a better place now.”

“Yes she is,” Hange laughs with profound mirth.

We stayed interlocked in our embrace, relaxing in the moment.

“By the way,” I perked up, speaking quietly. “I forgot to ask you about this but I’ve always wanted to know ever since it happened. Why did you ask me to investigate the colour of Eren’s underwear so I could get paired up with him? I mean, what could you do with that information to allow me to sit next to him in class?”

“Ah...that,” Hange chuckled nervously. “I’d wish you had forgotten.”

“Please explain,” I grinned.

“Well you see...you didn’t actually have to do it,” they stated and silenced my remark before anything could escape my mouth. “Before you scream at me, you have to understand that as a former scientist, I had to take drastic measures to see if you were actually serious about him.”

“And you came up with an underwear mission for your investigation?” I raised my eyebrows.

“It was the craziest thing I could’ve think of at that time. I still couldn’t believe you actually did it so that’s why I laughed when you came up to me with a legitimate answer,” they chuckled at the memory.

“It was a wild experience,” I groaned.

“Well, now that you’re together...I don’t think that’ll be the last time you’ll see him almost naked again,” Hange smirked and my cheeks felt like it lit aflame.

“H-Hange!” I shrieked.

“I heard screaming. What’s going on here?” Eren enters the room looking bewildered.

“Oh we were just discussing about yo-” I cut Hange off and waved my arms dismissively.

“D-don’t worry about it,” I laughed, so obviously forced.

“Okay then,” Eren nodded with a smile, sensing how the mood has been lifted.

We began to hear footsteps approaching and our heads turned towards Erwin who appeared at the door. He held up his hands immediately when he faced us.

“We’re not going to shoot you,” Hange rolled their eyes.

“I know that but you’re all looking at me like you’re about to kill me,” Erwin shivers at the thought.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault,” I waved it off.

“But as a doctor, I should’ve known. I made this situation more emotional than it should have,” he sighs.

“It would still be just as emotional either way,” I stated before fixing my gaze on Isabel who’s still sleeping soundly. 

I had a hunch that we all had the same questions in our mind but we kept it to ourselves.

_ Will she be okay? _

No one and nothing heard us but we didn’t have to be heard to receive our answer, not long after we thought about it. The answer took form as a sound. It wasn’t verbal, nor was it a voice. It was  _ beeping _ .

The pace of her heart had suddenly changed and we heard ourselves swallowing heavily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay just one more chapter before I free you all from the cliffhanger prison and you can scream at me until your heart's content.


	18. His Luminous Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The ending of sorrow is the beginning of felicity. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it.  
> Wow, can you believe it's finally coming to an end?  
> I never thought I would actually finish this with the fact that I have no more interest in this ship anymore but my readers had helped me complete this fic by reminding me of why I fell in love with this ship in the first place and after a long wait, His Luminous Lover is a completed fic.  
> I don't know when I'll find the time to fix the mistakes (that literally makes me cry when I read them) in this fic but I'll do it one day, someday. (Probably XD)  
> Now go enjoy the last chapter of this fic and thank you for all of your support~

When the pace of Isabel’s heartbeat returned to normal, I heard everyone’s breath of relief fill the room. Even when my abdomen cried with pain, I pushed myself off the bed to be by her side, my IV cannula whining in the process. Hange didn’t react in time to stop me as I left my bed. Luckily, Eren was there to catch me when I lost my footing.

I felt tears running down my cheeks as Eren holds me tight against his chest. I watch her slowly gaining consciousness with a smile and intertwined my hand with Eren’s warm ones. It felt as if hours has already passed when Isabel began to blink awake. When her emerald eyes focused around the room, she made a confused face and fluttered her eyes.

“This isn’t what i imagined heaven to look like,” she stated.

The room then erupted in laughter and I let my mirth shake me in Eren’s embrace.

-

Isabel turned out to be happier than she had expected when she realised she was still alive. She didn’t even threw a fit when Erwin explained what had actually happened. I could still feel the ache in my abdomen from when we hugged one another. She had most definitely felt the pain too.

The others were told to leave for a while so only me and Isabel remained in the room. A few doctors came in after she awaken to do some check ups and the likes. After that, we were left in the room by ourselves and for a moment of silence, it felt like a great weight has been lifted.

“Hey Levi,” Isabel called out.

I hummed in response and turned my head towards her.

“Remember what I said before? Yeah, you can forget all of that,” Isabel smiled. “It was pretty stupid. I said it because I really thought I was gonna die. Now that I’m not, I realised that my love for you is probably platonic. I’m just so used to not being cared for so much that I thought I’ll lose you if I mean nothing to you but a friend.”

I stared at her for a while, completely speechless.

“It wasn’t your fault Isabel,” I replied. “And you mean more to me than you think. You’re one of my only and dearest friend. No matter what, we won’t ever lose each other if we both hold onto this friendship.”

“I won’t let it go again,” Isabel promised. “It’s one of the best things that life has offered me.”

I smiled back at with a nod. “Good.”

“I’ll live on,” she sighs, letting her relief show on her face. “Damn, we’re way too young for all this shit.”

“I can’t agree more,” I groaned.

“I’ll find my man soon,” she giggles.

“How about that Farlan boy?” I suggested.

“My art project partner? Hell no. He’s way too sensible for my reckless ass,” Isabel laughed.

“That’s a good thing. He can keep you in line when I’m not there to do it,” I grinned.

“Oh fuck off,” she pouts.

I laughed with her and we groaned when we realised that laughing actually makes the ache in our abdomen worse. We lay back and relax, enjoying the fact that the hospital bed isn’t as bad as people described it to be. A thought came to mind and I locked my eyes with her again.

“Hey Isabel, do you want to live with me?” I asked.

Her face lit up as she broke into a smile. “I would love to! I’ve always wanted a brother!”

“I’m sure Hange wouldn’t mind. I’ll tell her about it after this,” I announced.

“Thank you Levi,” she beams. “I’ll get to play with Heichou all day long!”

“Out of all things,” I rolled my eyes.

“Wait, who’s been feeding Heichou whilst you weren’t home,” Isabel mentions.

“Oh crap.”

-

Hange and Eren joined us a few minutes later. Hange said that Erwin had some business to attend to so we won’t be seeing him anytime soon. Before Hange could sit down to join in the conversation, Isabel hopped up and asked if she could go for a walk.

“A walk? Are you sure?” Hange said, surprised.

“I’ve been sitting for way too long and if I don’t move these legs, I can assure you that they’ll never remember how to walk again,” she explains and Hange laughed as they helped her up.

“Well, I did promise these two lovebirds some time alone,” Hange grinned and I blushed.

They left the room straight after that, Isabel shooting us both a wink before she limped outside the door.

“Someone should get her a wheelchair,” Eren exclaimed as he sat next to me on the bed. “I’ll get you one too.”

“Excuse you, I think I’ll be fine,” I stated, putting my hands on my hips.

“Coming from the person that fell the moment their foot made contact with the ground,” Eren reminded me.

“That was one time!” I flushed and he laughed, but something about it fell off.

“Hey Eren, is something bothering you?” I asked.

Eren stayed silent for a while before his smile drops.

“You’re good at reading people aren’t you,” Eren mutters.

“What’s wrong?” I extended my arm to hold his hand.

He held it with a gentle grip.

“The doctors said that a patient with a donated liver can only live for a maximum of five years, if possible,” he admits.

I frowned at that. I didn’t really expect to live longer than that anyway, knowing that this was such a risky surgery. But five years was more than enough for me and I know who to thank for that.

“There are rare cases where people do live for more than twenty plus years but if not,” he smiles at me and I felt my heart clench. “I want to make sure that you live the rest of your life with all the happiness that the world can offer.”

I chuckled softly at him.   
“The world has already gave me what I wanted the most,” I smiled. “Eren, I want to be yours as much as I want you to be mine.”

“Sentiment shared,” he returned my smile as he caressed my cheek. “I’m yours as much as you’re mine.”

“You make me the happiest already without even trying,” I melted against his touch. “No matter how long I live, I want to spend every seconds of it with you.”

Eren leaned closer to me to peck a kiss on my trembling lips and I felt his love in my system.

“I’m happy that I’ve met you so long ago,” Eren mentions. “I’m glad that I held onto the love that I had for you. Now I love you more than anything in this world.”

I blushed against the palm of his hand. “I’m also glad that I didn’t give up on my love for you either.”

“We’re soulmates,” Eren stated. “We have to be.”

“Yep,” I laughed. “We’re meant for each other.”

“I don’t know how I could put how much I appreciate having you by my side into words. I’ve always wanted someone to understand me. To love the core of me, beyond my appearance,” Eren whispers. “It’s been so long since I’ve felt like I was understood.”

I rest my head against his chest as he wraps his arms around me.

“We’re able to understand each other from what we’ve been through,” I replied.

“We’ve been saving each other ever since we’ve met,” Eren smiles at the thought. “Now my reason to live is in my arms.”

“Hold me and never let me go,” I chuckled. “The love of my life is just an arm’s length away.”

He kissed my forehead and I leaned closer to him to kiss his chest, right above where his heart lays. I felt his pulse beneath my lips.

“Thank you for being with me,” he expressed his gratitude as he held me tighter.

I laughed softly against his chest and nodded.

“Thank you Eren,” I whispered. “For being my  _ luminous lover _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you all enjoyed the journey~!  
> Again, thank you so much for reading and I'm happy that I got to offer this piece with you all even at its worst state but you all still loved it anyway.  
> I'll see you all again someday, goodbye~

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me here~❣️
> 
> Instagram: [@dangomv ](https://www.instagram.com/dangomv/)  
> Wattpad: [AishiteruDango ](https://www.wattpad.com/user/AishiteruDango)  
> ❤️️Thank chuu everyone for reading❤️️


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